Friday, January 8, 2010
In Need of A Creative Correspondent
Are you plugged into the creative heartbeat of Tinseltown? Do you know which hot new writer just got signed by CAA? Or which writer just landed the juiciest assignment in town? Are you up to date on the development of all the big pictures out there (i.e. Is the latest draft of Green Hornet, turned in last week, any good?). Are you someone who can express this kind of information in an interesting entertaining way? I'm looking to *maybe* start a weekly "creative correspondent" segment, but because of other duties, I don't have time to do it myself. If you meet the above qualifications and this interests you, please e-mail me at carsonreeves1@gmail.com. There'd be no pay to start (I don't even get paid dammit!) but potential to make something down the line.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Anything But Ordinary
Hmm, some complications resulted in me having to take the "Hungry Rabbit Jumps" (Nicolas Cage and January Jones to star - 5 votes on this year's black list) review down. In short, I liked it. I'll work on seeing if I can get it back up. In the meantime, here's everyone's favorite incredibly modest but painfully beautiful reviewer , Erica (she reviewed an earlier draft of Black List script "Swingles" here), coming to rescue me. She's reviewing a tiny script aimed at the "A Walk To Remember" crowd.
Genre: Drama
Premise: After a diving accident, a 16-year-old girl enters a coma for five years. When she comes out of her extended stupor, she finds a crumbling family, but is armed with wisdom and knowledge.
About: Emma Roberts was set to star and Anna Sophia Robb to co-star in this film but the project is not listed anywhere so I'm wondering if it's fallen apart. Someone will have to revive it if we are to ever see Julia Roberts' neice in the role.
Writers: Charlie Craig with revisions by Liz W. Garcia and Lisa Barrett.
Emma Roberts looks freakishly like Julia Roberts
I had the urge to stop and check my twitter feed every few pages of this because it's a story about a wholesome teen girl, presumably aimed at The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants set, a demo I would not fall into at this stage of my life. Or ever. I was never the peppy teen who would, like, try out for stuff. I was the girl who turned down offers to go to the prom three years in a row because I thought the concept of prom was bogus. My favorite teen movie? Carrie.
But that is why I was happy to do this review. It forced me to adjust my cynical lens (or at least try to) to examine how something like this is done. And I felt like I learned (a small technical) something on the first page of this script, literally first scene.
The setting is early morning Nashville at Hennessy Lake. The main character, Bryce Graham, a 16 year old athlete in her prime, appears out of the fog but I wasn’t sure at first if she was ... rowing or swimming? Her father is standing on the “prow of a Boston whaler” so I’m picturing her swimming and Dad in a boat, right? Or is she rowing and they’re both in the boat? Only after googling “Boston whaler” (which I only did because I knew I was reviewing this) did I realize that was not the type of boat in which you could row. I vaguely understood that the “prow” was either the front or back but didn't know which (it’s the front), so my visual on this whole opening scenario was very poor. By the last paragraph it says her arms are "slicing through the water” but throwing a “swim” in there somewhere, or calling her a swimmer instead of athlete, would have made life much easier. Especially since this is the first I'm meeting this chick, I haven't acclimated myself to this world and in the very next scene, she IS on a rowing machine indoors.
The reason this really struck me is because I’m a novelist and a lot of my script edits are of the "arms slicing through water swims" variety. It's like a bad habit I'm always trying to kick. I also notice that sometimes a character or scene can be so clear in my mind’s eye that I don’t put some very basic information on the page that the person who knows nothing about the script needs to read. And that’s what I felt happened here. In trying to be evocative, they didn't lose me at hello but they had me wondering if I had missed my exit. (Or if I was a total idiot, not a good feeling going into this.)
But this same evocative writing drew me in as Bryce rushes off to her high school swim meet, with her proud parents and smart alecky kid sister in tow, then winds up banging her head on the diving board and sinking to the bottom of the pool, blood swirling around her. Bummer.
By page 8, she's unconscious in the hospital, getting an emergency head shaving, and since we know she's the star of this show, it's clear that she's going to survive but first she's in for a really, really long nap.
Aaaaaand five years later...
Kid sister, Sydney, is a blue-haired, boundary-testing 17 yr. old, Dad is sleeping in the barn where he used to train his athletically-gifted daughter and Mom is still trying to remain upbeat though shit is clearly not right up in the Graham house. On one of Mom and Dad's regular visits to the hospital we meet Carter Lynch, a 20-something resident who has the time and the inclination to entertain the comatose patients by playing music or reading Danielle Steele to them. Yes, he really does this. His too saintly-to-not-be-annoying behavior and one-way banter (those comatose patients, not great conversationalists) had me rolling my eyes but I was only on page 17 (OMG, there's 100 more pages of this?) so I kept rolling with it.
Maybe I'm too hardened by life to connect with "heart monitors beeping softly" or maybe I'm just too impatient to let a story unfold in due course but I was actually hoping a madman would break into the hospital, take Carter hostage and shoot up the place. That didn't happen.
What did happen: Bryce suddenly wakes up. To the shock and jubilation of the medical staff, her parents and kid sister who is the recipient of Bryce's first words in half a decade: "You're...old?"
I liked how they describe her first moments of consciousness after she asks to be alone in her hospital room: the sound of a plane flying overhead makes her duck, a woman scolding her child in a park across the street sounds like screaming in her ears, the sun burning through her retinas. This is where I started to develop a mild interest in knowing what was going to happen next though I was still hoping Carter would have a freak diving accident and spend the next five years in her old bed, listening to an endless loop of Lil Weezy like I had to do when my boyfriend drove me to a book signing in Connecticut last week.
Soon Bryce is up and about, walking tentatively in the physical therapy room, a fascination to the doctors and a ray of hope for the visitors whose loved ones are still unconscious. And now she...knows things she can't possibly know.
Even though the doctors want to keep her in the hospital for observation, she demands to go home where she mostly hangs with her sister, a bug freak whose cicadas literally accompany her everyfuckingwhere. Though the Graham house doesn't feel like the homey home Bryce remembers since the stressed-out family has allowed it to fall into disrepair, Mom and Dad are basically living separate lives (Bug Freak suspect Mom may be cheating) and, most tragically, the shimmer of the pool doesn't reflect on Bryce's bedroom ceiling anymore because the pool is now empty and filled with leaves. (Maybe she should've stayed in the hospital, I thought. They waited on her hand and foot there and the singing doc was always roaming around, taking requests.)
Back at that hospital where she doesn't want to be, we find out that one of the comatose patients, Sam, is actually Carter's brother and their father, a depressed unemployed grouch that Carter lives with, won't even visit the kid anymore. At which point, I started to feel a bit of sympathy for the guitar-strumming resident. A bit.
And it turns out that Bryce doesn't just know things about her family and friends, she knows every answer on Jeopardy, shit like that. Which is quite upsetting for her though I was wondering why she didn't just roll to Vegas, Rain-Man style. I mean, it's been 5 years. She's 21 now. It's legal.
But it seems she only knows things that happened in the last 5 years because Carter read all this stuff to her while she was "asleep". And she's pretty pissed at him because why does she need to know who won the pennant for the last five years when she doesn't even like baseball? I know Carter meant well but I sorta felt her on that one. Of course the two are bonded now and their little spat is like adolescent foreplay. In no time she's swimming again in the lake, with him, and Dr. Do Good seems to have no qualms at all about fooling around with his Sleeping Beauty though this is obviously a MAJOR breach of protocol.
Neither does her family seem to mind that the young doc is now dating Bryce because he's all up in the family mix like he couldn't be brought up on charges at any second. I guess they're all just heady with joy now that they have their daughter back and everyone seems to be figuring out their own problems, thanks to Bryce's newfound and readily dispensed wisdom.
There are plenty of clues, i.e. the giant tumor spotted on her X-ray, that this good life won't last. Bryce, inevitably, ends up back in the hospital and once they all know she's going to die, Carter busts her out and then grants her last wish by popping her cherry by the lake! Don't expect any of you will be reading this so no need to announce a spoiler alert before I say ---> I actually liked that it ended with her diving into the lake, never to be seen again. So long, Mystical Mermaid.
Okay, I'm being very snarky about this script because I thought that would be more amusing for the Script Shadow crowd than simply saying this is movie that will probably kill (oops!) with teen girls, esp. if Carter is played by a cute boy (which we know he will be). I could have done with a few less cicada shout-outs but the cicadas turned out to have some symbolic meaning related to Bryce's brief awakening, a payoff I felt I was due after enduring them for so long. In terms of telling the story and delivering on the premise, this script did that quite well, IMO. Nothing too interesting or unexpected happened but thirteen year-olds dreaming of their first kiss will probably go see this multiple times. Especially those thirteen year-olds who have already given blow jobs at rainbow parties which probably makes them romanticize that first real kiss from a cute boy that actually cares about them even more. Even the title "Anything but Ordinary" which sounds like it was cranked out of The Generic Generator, therefore making it a kind of titular oxymoron, will probably make teen girls swoon.
No one over the age of 19 would want to see this or should but I have to say I wound up feeling something for Carter once I found out his mother was killed by the drunk driver who put his brother in the hospital and he has fantasies about murdering the guy. Alright Doogie!
And you know what? I could see this being useful for an adult purpose. If your guy had done something that really pissed you off, you could say, "I heard about this really good supernatural thriller called Anything but Ordinary. Got amazing reviews. Friday night, let's go see that, honey."
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Set up your premise quickly and efficiently and give yourself room to tell your story. They had this chick in a coma by page 8 and I already had a feel for most of the major characters and relationships.
Know your audience. None of the cynicism or sarcasm that I would want to stick in this script belonged there. Of course, that's why I wouldn't write something like this because I know I could never maintain this level of wholesomeness. But good on Charlie Craig for being able to dive into (stupid pun intended - you see I can't rein in my sarcasm for one last line!) this sappy teen girl world and emerge with something that will have a valued demo texting "OMG, u gotta go c ABO!"
Genre: Drama
Premise: After a diving accident, a 16-year-old girl enters a coma for five years. When she comes out of her extended stupor, she finds a crumbling family, but is armed with wisdom and knowledge.
About: Emma Roberts was set to star and Anna Sophia Robb to co-star in this film but the project is not listed anywhere so I'm wondering if it's fallen apart. Someone will have to revive it if we are to ever see Julia Roberts' neice in the role.
Writers: Charlie Craig with revisions by Liz W. Garcia and Lisa Barrett.
Emma Roberts looks freakishly like Julia RobertsI had the urge to stop and check my twitter feed every few pages of this because it's a story about a wholesome teen girl, presumably aimed at The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants set, a demo I would not fall into at this stage of my life. Or ever. I was never the peppy teen who would, like, try out for stuff. I was the girl who turned down offers to go to the prom three years in a row because I thought the concept of prom was bogus. My favorite teen movie? Carrie.
But that is why I was happy to do this review. It forced me to adjust my cynical lens (or at least try to) to examine how something like this is done. And I felt like I learned (a small technical) something on the first page of this script, literally first scene.
The setting is early morning Nashville at Hennessy Lake. The main character, Bryce Graham, a 16 year old athlete in her prime, appears out of the fog but I wasn’t sure at first if she was ... rowing or swimming? Her father is standing on the “prow of a Boston whaler” so I’m picturing her swimming and Dad in a boat, right? Or is she rowing and they’re both in the boat? Only after googling “Boston whaler” (which I only did because I knew I was reviewing this) did I realize that was not the type of boat in which you could row. I vaguely understood that the “prow” was either the front or back but didn't know which (it’s the front), so my visual on this whole opening scenario was very poor. By the last paragraph it says her arms are "slicing through the water” but throwing a “swim” in there somewhere, or calling her a swimmer instead of athlete, would have made life much easier. Especially since this is the first I'm meeting this chick, I haven't acclimated myself to this world and in the very next scene, she IS on a rowing machine indoors.
The reason this really struck me is because I’m a novelist and a lot of my script edits are of the "arms slicing through water swims" variety. It's like a bad habit I'm always trying to kick. I also notice that sometimes a character or scene can be so clear in my mind’s eye that I don’t put some very basic information on the page that the person who knows nothing about the script needs to read. And that’s what I felt happened here. In trying to be evocative, they didn't lose me at hello but they had me wondering if I had missed my exit. (Or if I was a total idiot, not a good feeling going into this.)
But this same evocative writing drew me in as Bryce rushes off to her high school swim meet, with her proud parents and smart alecky kid sister in tow, then winds up banging her head on the diving board and sinking to the bottom of the pool, blood swirling around her. Bummer.
By page 8, she's unconscious in the hospital, getting an emergency head shaving, and since we know she's the star of this show, it's clear that she's going to survive but first she's in for a really, really long nap.
Aaaaaand five years later...
Kid sister, Sydney, is a blue-haired, boundary-testing 17 yr. old, Dad is sleeping in the barn where he used to train his athletically-gifted daughter and Mom is still trying to remain upbeat though shit is clearly not right up in the Graham house. On one of Mom and Dad's regular visits to the hospital we meet Carter Lynch, a 20-something resident who has the time and the inclination to entertain the comatose patients by playing music or reading Danielle Steele to them. Yes, he really does this. His too saintly-to-not-be-annoying behavior and one-way banter (those comatose patients, not great conversationalists) had me rolling my eyes but I was only on page 17 (OMG, there's 100 more pages of this?) so I kept rolling with it.
Maybe I'm too hardened by life to connect with "heart monitors beeping softly" or maybe I'm just too impatient to let a story unfold in due course but I was actually hoping a madman would break into the hospital, take Carter hostage and shoot up the place. That didn't happen.
What did happen: Bryce suddenly wakes up. To the shock and jubilation of the medical staff, her parents and kid sister who is the recipient of Bryce's first words in half a decade: "You're...old?"
I liked how they describe her first moments of consciousness after she asks to be alone in her hospital room: the sound of a plane flying overhead makes her duck, a woman scolding her child in a park across the street sounds like screaming in her ears, the sun burning through her retinas. This is where I started to develop a mild interest in knowing what was going to happen next though I was still hoping Carter would have a freak diving accident and spend the next five years in her old bed, listening to an endless loop of Lil Weezy like I had to do when my boyfriend drove me to a book signing in Connecticut last week.
Soon Bryce is up and about, walking tentatively in the physical therapy room, a fascination to the doctors and a ray of hope for the visitors whose loved ones are still unconscious. And now she...knows things she can't possibly know.
Even though the doctors want to keep her in the hospital for observation, she demands to go home where she mostly hangs with her sister, a bug freak whose cicadas literally accompany her everyfuckingwhere. Though the Graham house doesn't feel like the homey home Bryce remembers since the stressed-out family has allowed it to fall into disrepair, Mom and Dad are basically living separate lives (Bug Freak suspect Mom may be cheating) and, most tragically, the shimmer of the pool doesn't reflect on Bryce's bedroom ceiling anymore because the pool is now empty and filled with leaves. (Maybe she should've stayed in the hospital, I thought. They waited on her hand and foot there and the singing doc was always roaming around, taking requests.)
Back at that hospital where she doesn't want to be, we find out that one of the comatose patients, Sam, is actually Carter's brother and their father, a depressed unemployed grouch that Carter lives with, won't even visit the kid anymore. At which point, I started to feel a bit of sympathy for the guitar-strumming resident. A bit.
And it turns out that Bryce doesn't just know things about her family and friends, she knows every answer on Jeopardy, shit like that. Which is quite upsetting for her though I was wondering why she didn't just roll to Vegas, Rain-Man style. I mean, it's been 5 years. She's 21 now. It's legal.
But it seems she only knows things that happened in the last 5 years because Carter read all this stuff to her while she was "asleep". And she's pretty pissed at him because why does she need to know who won the pennant for the last five years when she doesn't even like baseball? I know Carter meant well but I sorta felt her on that one. Of course the two are bonded now and their little spat is like adolescent foreplay. In no time she's swimming again in the lake, with him, and Dr. Do Good seems to have no qualms at all about fooling around with his Sleeping Beauty though this is obviously a MAJOR breach of protocol.
Neither does her family seem to mind that the young doc is now dating Bryce because he's all up in the family mix like he couldn't be brought up on charges at any second. I guess they're all just heady with joy now that they have their daughter back and everyone seems to be figuring out their own problems, thanks to Bryce's newfound and readily dispensed wisdom.
There are plenty of clues, i.e. the giant tumor spotted on her X-ray, that this good life won't last. Bryce, inevitably, ends up back in the hospital and once they all know she's going to die, Carter busts her out and then grants her last wish by popping her cherry by the lake! Don't expect any of you will be reading this so no need to announce a spoiler alert before I say ---> I actually liked that it ended with her diving into the lake, never to be seen again. So long, Mystical Mermaid.
Okay, I'm being very snarky about this script because I thought that would be more amusing for the Script Shadow crowd than simply saying this is movie that will probably kill (oops!) with teen girls, esp. if Carter is played by a cute boy (which we know he will be). I could have done with a few less cicada shout-outs but the cicadas turned out to have some symbolic meaning related to Bryce's brief awakening, a payoff I felt I was due after enduring them for so long. In terms of telling the story and delivering on the premise, this script did that quite well, IMO. Nothing too interesting or unexpected happened but thirteen year-olds dreaming of their first kiss will probably go see this multiple times. Especially those thirteen year-olds who have already given blow jobs at rainbow parties which probably makes them romanticize that first real kiss from a cute boy that actually cares about them even more. Even the title "Anything but Ordinary" which sounds like it was cranked out of The Generic Generator, therefore making it a kind of titular oxymoron, will probably make teen girls swoon.
No one over the age of 19 would want to see this or should but I have to say I wound up feeling something for Carter once I found out his mother was killed by the drunk driver who put his brother in the hospital and he has fantasies about murdering the guy. Alright Doogie!
And you know what? I could see this being useful for an adult purpose. If your guy had done something that really pissed you off, you could say, "I heard about this really good supernatural thriller called Anything but Ordinary. Got amazing reviews. Friday night, let's go see that, honey."
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Set up your premise quickly and efficiently and give yourself room to tell your story. They had this chick in a coma by page 8 and I already had a feel for most of the major characters and relationships.
Know your audience. None of the cynicism or sarcasm that I would want to stick in this script belonged there. Of course, that's why I wouldn't write something like this because I know I could never maintain this level of wholesomeness. But good on Charlie Craig for being able to dive into (stupid pun intended - you see I can't rein in my sarcasm for one last line!) this sappy teen girl world and emerge with something that will have a valued demo texting "OMG, u gotta go c ABO!"
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The Diversification Of Noah Miller
Genre: Comedy
Premise: A liberal New Yorker realizes he isn't as open-minded as he thinks he is and sets out to make a black friend.
About: This finished with 10 votes on the 2009 Black List (same as Balls Out). I don’t know much about these writers but I can tell you this. Adam Cole-Kelley wrote for my brother’s favorite show ever – Cash Cab. It’s a show where a cab picks you up and asks you Jeopardy like questions, allowing you to win money before you get to your destination. While home for Christmas I watched somewhere between 20-30 episodes of it. The writers have another project called “The Misadventures Of Fluffy” which is being produced by Eddie Murphy.
Writers: Adam Cole-Kelly and Sam Pitman
Details: 108 pages (August 6, 2009)
Can’t we all just get along? And joke about each other a little? With our races and cultures and societies being so different, you'd think we'd be able to poke fun at each other every once in awhile. If we get too serious, if we completely lose our sense of humor, don’t we become an automaton society of politically correct robots? Hey, I’m white. I can’t dance. I’m not happy that my white brethren can’t dance either but darnit if I can’t laugh at it. Just to give you an idea of how ridiculous our over-sensitivity has become , I went over this paragraph 23 times to determine if it was in any way offensive. I decided that it was, but I'm still trying to figure out to whom.
The Diversification Of Noah Miller is bringing black and white race relations into the 2010’s. It’s been a while since we tackled this issue in a comedy. I think the last time may have been the critically acclaimed box-office smash hit, “Guess Who,” starring former movie star current Twitter-celeb/camera pitchman Ashton Kutcher. Although we races may have many differences, I think one thing we can all agree on is that Ashton Kutcher’s career is the most perplexing in Hollywood history. Never before has someone with so little talent had so much success. But I’m getting off-track here. Cole-Kelly and Pitman take race comedy into the contemporary world by adding something very 21st century... the bromance.
Poster for the 8-time Oscar winning film
In fact, The Diversification Of Noah Miller is so similar to “I Love You, Man,” that I wasn’t sure if this was a bromance movie about race, or a race-related movie that happened to include a bromance. I suspect that that was the big challenge. The angle of your story warrants you to explore race-related issues, but because those issues are so likely to offend, you can fall back on the easier less divisive comedy of the bromance, even though it's comedy we've kind of already seen before.
Our hero, Noah Miller, is a simple family man – a white middle class liberal food critic. He doesn’t stereotype. He’s open to all types of people and cultures. He’s ecstatic that Obama is our president. But despite Noah’s proclamation that he’s worldly and cultured, the reality is he doesn’t have a single black friend. Every person he hangs out with is white (and Jewish). As his wife waves it off, this single fact begins to weigh on Noah. Is he a big hypocrite? A liberal in name only?
So Noah sets off to try and find a black friend. One day, while flagging down a cab, he meets Rashon, a nicely dressed handsome black man, basically the African-American version of himself. So desperate is Noah to make Rashon his friend, that he later travels to Rashon’s neck of the woods to deliver him the $3 umbrella he left in the cab. Rashon thinks it’s bizarre but the two strike up a meaningful if strange friendship.
The 80s hit. Would this movie be considered racist today?
The script is meant for a slightly older audience, as a lot of the issues and situations the two encounter tend to be family related (they both have wives and are raising small children). So in that respect, “The Diversification Of Noah Miller” is a welcome diversion from the many raunchy dirty comedies that litter the Black List.
As for the comedy itself, there are a couple of moments that do push the boundaries. For instance, Noah comes to where Rashon works but doesn’t know what the exact address is. It comes down to two stores – a coffee shop and a Popeye’s. Watching him mentally battle to overcome any preconceived stereotypes and pick the right store was a pretty ballsy choice. There are also some scenes with his four year old son, who inadvertently makes some choices at pre-school that paint him as a racist. Outside of that though, Cole-Kelly and Pitman play it pretty safe.
I think what disappointed me was that there weren’t enough scenes that took advantage of the premise. This resulted in some comedic scenes that felt like they were straight out of another movie. For example, there’s a scene where Noah invites Rashon to one of the restaurants he’s going to review, but in order for Noah not to be spotted, he must go undercover. He chooses to dress up as a woman, and we get a kind of strange sequence where Rashon appears to be on a date with the female Noah. Rashon is then spotted by a friend of his wife, who gets angry that Rashon may be cheating on her, and all I could think was, “What does this have to do with the premise?” This is supposed to be about a man who, because of his own insecurities, is desperately trying to make a black friend. The dressing up like a woman stuff felt like a cheap laugh that had nothing to do with that.
The original far inferior "Guess Who" (sarcasm implied)
The other problem I found with the script was the lack of a clear goal for the protagonist. What exactly was Noah after here? If the point of the story was for him to become friends with a black person, when do we know he’s accomplished this? They seem to be having a good time as early as page 30. So, in essence, he’s already accomplished his goal. Movie over. If you look at “I Love You, Man,” they did a great job clarifying where the movie was going. The goal was for the main character to find a best man before his wedding. Having that “ticking time bomb” gave the story a purpose and a clear finish line. I was never sure when we were supposed to consider Noah’s journey a success or a failure.
But I do want to commend Cole-Kelly and Pitman for taking on such risky subject matter. Most writers don’t have the balls to go there (including myself). As silly as it sounds, it’s a very relatable situation. Lots of people are open to building friendships with other races but the reality is most cultures tend to stick with the flock. That crossover gets harder as you get older. So I can see an audience responding to this. At the moment though, the comedy feels a little light and the plot unfocused. This particular draft didn’t grab me.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Don’t have your characters do things because it’s convenient for the story. Characters should always stay in character and act logically. For example, Rashon’s wife, Kim, thinks Noah is sketchy. She doesn’t like him and is constantly telling Rashon he shouldn’t hang out with him. Then, a situation occurs where Rashon gets angry at Noah, and doesn’t want to hang out with him anymore. If Rashon and Noah aren’t hanging out, we don’t have a story. So in the very next scene Kim tells Rashon he should give Noah another chance. It doesn’t make any sense (to me at least) why she changes her mind about him *other* than that it allows the story to keep moving. Readers pick up on these things. Never make a character act irrationally just to move your story along.
Premise: A liberal New Yorker realizes he isn't as open-minded as he thinks he is and sets out to make a black friend.
About: This finished with 10 votes on the 2009 Black List (same as Balls Out). I don’t know much about these writers but I can tell you this. Adam Cole-Kelley wrote for my brother’s favorite show ever – Cash Cab. It’s a show where a cab picks you up and asks you Jeopardy like questions, allowing you to win money before you get to your destination. While home for Christmas I watched somewhere between 20-30 episodes of it. The writers have another project called “The Misadventures Of Fluffy” which is being produced by Eddie Murphy.
Writers: Adam Cole-Kelly and Sam Pitman
Details: 108 pages (August 6, 2009)
Can’t we all just get along? And joke about each other a little? With our races and cultures and societies being so different, you'd think we'd be able to poke fun at each other every once in awhile. If we get too serious, if we completely lose our sense of humor, don’t we become an automaton society of politically correct robots? Hey, I’m white. I can’t dance. I’m not happy that my white brethren can’t dance either but darnit if I can’t laugh at it. Just to give you an idea of how ridiculous our over-sensitivity has become , I went over this paragraph 23 times to determine if it was in any way offensive. I decided that it was, but I'm still trying to figure out to whom.
The Diversification Of Noah Miller is bringing black and white race relations into the 2010’s. It’s been a while since we tackled this issue in a comedy. I think the last time may have been the critically acclaimed box-office smash hit, “Guess Who,” starring former movie star current Twitter-celeb/camera pitchman Ashton Kutcher. Although we races may have many differences, I think one thing we can all agree on is that Ashton Kutcher’s career is the most perplexing in Hollywood history. Never before has someone with so little talent had so much success. But I’m getting off-track here. Cole-Kelly and Pitman take race comedy into the contemporary world by adding something very 21st century... the bromance.
Poster for the 8-time Oscar winning filmIn fact, The Diversification Of Noah Miller is so similar to “I Love You, Man,” that I wasn’t sure if this was a bromance movie about race, or a race-related movie that happened to include a bromance. I suspect that that was the big challenge. The angle of your story warrants you to explore race-related issues, but because those issues are so likely to offend, you can fall back on the easier less divisive comedy of the bromance, even though it's comedy we've kind of already seen before.
Our hero, Noah Miller, is a simple family man – a white middle class liberal food critic. He doesn’t stereotype. He’s open to all types of people and cultures. He’s ecstatic that Obama is our president. But despite Noah’s proclamation that he’s worldly and cultured, the reality is he doesn’t have a single black friend. Every person he hangs out with is white (and Jewish). As his wife waves it off, this single fact begins to weigh on Noah. Is he a big hypocrite? A liberal in name only?
So Noah sets off to try and find a black friend. One day, while flagging down a cab, he meets Rashon, a nicely dressed handsome black man, basically the African-American version of himself. So desperate is Noah to make Rashon his friend, that he later travels to Rashon’s neck of the woods to deliver him the $3 umbrella he left in the cab. Rashon thinks it’s bizarre but the two strike up a meaningful if strange friendship.
The 80s hit. Would this movie be considered racist today? The script is meant for a slightly older audience, as a lot of the issues and situations the two encounter tend to be family related (they both have wives and are raising small children). So in that respect, “The Diversification Of Noah Miller” is a welcome diversion from the many raunchy dirty comedies that litter the Black List.
As for the comedy itself, there are a couple of moments that do push the boundaries. For instance, Noah comes to where Rashon works but doesn’t know what the exact address is. It comes down to two stores – a coffee shop and a Popeye’s. Watching him mentally battle to overcome any preconceived stereotypes and pick the right store was a pretty ballsy choice. There are also some scenes with his four year old son, who inadvertently makes some choices at pre-school that paint him as a racist. Outside of that though, Cole-Kelly and Pitman play it pretty safe.
I think what disappointed me was that there weren’t enough scenes that took advantage of the premise. This resulted in some comedic scenes that felt like they were straight out of another movie. For example, there’s a scene where Noah invites Rashon to one of the restaurants he’s going to review, but in order for Noah not to be spotted, he must go undercover. He chooses to dress up as a woman, and we get a kind of strange sequence where Rashon appears to be on a date with the female Noah. Rashon is then spotted by a friend of his wife, who gets angry that Rashon may be cheating on her, and all I could think was, “What does this have to do with the premise?” This is supposed to be about a man who, because of his own insecurities, is desperately trying to make a black friend. The dressing up like a woman stuff felt like a cheap laugh that had nothing to do with that.
The original far inferior "Guess Who" (sarcasm implied) The other problem I found with the script was the lack of a clear goal for the protagonist. What exactly was Noah after here? If the point of the story was for him to become friends with a black person, when do we know he’s accomplished this? They seem to be having a good time as early as page 30. So, in essence, he’s already accomplished his goal. Movie over. If you look at “I Love You, Man,” they did a great job clarifying where the movie was going. The goal was for the main character to find a best man before his wedding. Having that “ticking time bomb” gave the story a purpose and a clear finish line. I was never sure when we were supposed to consider Noah’s journey a success or a failure.
But I do want to commend Cole-Kelly and Pitman for taking on such risky subject matter. Most writers don’t have the balls to go there (including myself). As silly as it sounds, it’s a very relatable situation. Lots of people are open to building friendships with other races but the reality is most cultures tend to stick with the flock. That crossover gets harder as you get older. So I can see an audience responding to this. At the moment though, the comedy feels a little light and the plot unfocused. This particular draft didn’t grab me.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[x] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Don’t have your characters do things because it’s convenient for the story. Characters should always stay in character and act logically. For example, Rashon’s wife, Kim, thinks Noah is sketchy. She doesn’t like him and is constantly telling Rashon he shouldn’t hang out with him. Then, a situation occurs where Rashon gets angry at Noah, and doesn’t want to hang out with him anymore. If Rashon and Noah aren’t hanging out, we don’t have a story. So in the very next scene Kim tells Rashon he should give Noah another chance. It doesn’t make any sense (to me at least) why she changes her mind about him *other* than that it allows the story to keep moving. Readers pick up on these things. Never make a character act irrationally just to move your story along.
Stalker: A Love Story
Genre: Comedy
Premise: A guy decides to stalk his ex-girlfriend.
About: Carnes & Gilbert were on Variety's "Top Ten Screenwriters To Watch" list of 2005. They sold "Stalker: A Love Story" to Paramount for 1.75 million dollars. The two also wrote Mr. Woodcock. More info here.
Writers: Michael Carnes & Josh Gilbert
For those of you who have read a significant number of scripts, you know how it is when you're smack dab in the middle of something that just ain't working. Now for those of you who read scripts casually, the reaction to such a situation is easy. YOU STOP READING. I don't have that luxury. Quitting in the middle of the script means I just wasted 45 minutes and now have to start all over again. It's for this reason that I can't solely post positive reviews. And that's too bad. Because I wish Scriptshadow could be a place of celebration and candy and rainbows and the occasional unicorn (no leprechauns though). I hold no ill will towards writers and I get no satisfaction from pointing out when something doesn't work. But man, I have to be honest with you, "Stalker: A Love Story" was not good on many levels. And it really is confusing when you're talking about a near two million dollar sale. "Am I missing something?", you think. I'd assume the most common response to being stalked is feeling violated. And I felt very violated reading this script.
We definitely need more unicorns on Scriptshadow.
My basic complaint is this: The setup makes absolutely no sense. David and Amanda are in a relationship. Fine. Sounds good to me. But David, an architect, is a workaholic and isn't very into Amanda. He doesn't like to do things with her. He's the kind of boyfriend you say something to and then, forever-later he looks up and slurs "Whah?" So to be clear: David loves his job and doesn't love his relationship. Amanda finally realizes that he's never going to change and dumps David. She's through. How does David react? Eh. Shrugs his shoulders and says, "Oh well", then moves on. Let me reiterate: David doesn't seem to like Amanda at all.
So then we get a "Six Months Later" title and David is still happily plugging away at his job. In fact, things are going so well he's just been offered a contract on a new building. Hooray. Once again, Amanda isn't even a blip on David's radar. He probably doesn't even remember her name. One night while David is pulled out for drinks, he runs into Amanda's friend, who informs David that Amanda is in a new relationship. And in a span of about 3 seconds, David decides that he's always loved Amanda and is going to stalk her until he gets her back.
Uh.....WHAT???
How does this even make a remote amount of sense? I don't like you. Now I'm infatuated with you?? I've seen Fraggle Rock episodes with more logic. It was so outrageous of a character change, I scrolled around to make sure I hadn't accidentally opened another script. I can MAYBE see this working if David realized what he lost the second Amanda broke up with him. But six months later? After we've established he doesn't even like the woman?? Someone had just sent me a one-way ticket to Bizarre-o World.
From that point on Carnes and Gilbert had no chance with me. If characters could just turn into different people without explanation, why not add wizards and dragons while you're at it? But it was the missed opportunity of "Stalker" that ate at me most. Why didn't the writers go for an edgier comedy? Having your main character be a stalker is something that's never been done before in a comedy. You could've created something truly groundbreaking here, which is exactly what the title implies will happen. And I'm sure that expectation had plenty to do with my disappointment. But man, I feel like they really missed the boat. Instead of doing something different, this turned out to be one of the most standard of standard romantic comedies I've ever read.
As for the rest of the script, David turns to his Indian neighbor, Pumpang, for support. Pumpang is actually *the* most broken up about the dumping of everyone. He loved David and Amanda together and when their relationship ended, he spent days on end crying (as opposed to David - who didn't cry at all). When David's amateur efforts at stalking fail, Pumpang introduces him to a spy store, where the two buy all sorts of gadgets and listening devices so they can more accurately stalk Amanda. Now when I say "stalk", I use that term very loosely. Because every stalking scene is played purely for laughs. There are no consequences or stakes to what they're doing. We know that even if David gets caught, he'll be fine. Without any sense of danger, none of the stalking scenes held any tension.
Anyway, David lets his co-worker, Karen, in on the whole plot. Karen has seen every romantic comedy ever made and is constantly using examples from them to get David to move on. It turns out Karen might be a bit of a stalker herself though when it's eventually revealed she's infatuated with David. Although she never felt like a real person so I couldn't get into her. And to complicate matters, Amanda's new boyfriend is also David's client for his new building. Except it doesn't really complicate matters at all. It just feels like an interesting coincidence. I'm trying to think if there's anything else to the story but I'm coming up blank.
In the end, David gives a big long speech to Amanda about perfection. Her current boyfriend may be perfect. But David is imperfect, which, he points out, is exactly why she fell in love with him. Since the theme of perfection or even the hint of its importance was never once mentioned in the screenplay, this speech comes out of nowhere. Luckily for David though, it's enough to convince Amanda, and the two live happily ever after.
Was there anything positive about the script? Well, I thought the title was great. It was the reason I was excited to read the screenplay in the first place. Pumpang's obsession with getting David and Amanda back together was kind of cute. But in the end, there were an avalanche of negatives with Stalker. I congratulate Carnes and Glibert on a great sale. But for me, personally, I couldn't get into it.
[x] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: There's a scene in the middle of "Stalker: A Love Story," where David is pressured into going to an Asian Massage Parlor. I won't get into how many Asian massage parlor scenes I read in a week, but what upset me so much about the scene was that it had absolutely nothing to do with the story. In other words, you could've taken the scene out and nobody would've been confused as to what was going on. If your scene isn't essential to the screenplay, don't write it. And if you have a really funny scene you're dying to put in your movie but it isn't essential to the story, take the extra time and FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT ESSENTIAL TO THE STORY. Now you have a funny scene and it makes sense. Everybody wins.
Premise: A guy decides to stalk his ex-girlfriend.
About: Carnes & Gilbert were on Variety's "Top Ten Screenwriters To Watch" list of 2005. They sold "Stalker: A Love Story" to Paramount for 1.75 million dollars. The two also wrote Mr. Woodcock. More info here.
Writers: Michael Carnes & Josh Gilbert
For those of you who have read a significant number of scripts, you know how it is when you're smack dab in the middle of something that just ain't working. Now for those of you who read scripts casually, the reaction to such a situation is easy. YOU STOP READING. I don't have that luxury. Quitting in the middle of the script means I just wasted 45 minutes and now have to start all over again. It's for this reason that I can't solely post positive reviews. And that's too bad. Because I wish Scriptshadow could be a place of celebration and candy and rainbows and the occasional unicorn (no leprechauns though). I hold no ill will towards writers and I get no satisfaction from pointing out when something doesn't work. But man, I have to be honest with you, "Stalker: A Love Story" was not good on many levels. And it really is confusing when you're talking about a near two million dollar sale. "Am I missing something?", you think. I'd assume the most common response to being stalked is feeling violated. And I felt very violated reading this script.
We definitely need more unicorns on Scriptshadow.My basic complaint is this: The setup makes absolutely no sense. David and Amanda are in a relationship. Fine. Sounds good to me. But David, an architect, is a workaholic and isn't very into Amanda. He doesn't like to do things with her. He's the kind of boyfriend you say something to and then, forever-later he looks up and slurs "Whah?" So to be clear: David loves his job and doesn't love his relationship. Amanda finally realizes that he's never going to change and dumps David. She's through. How does David react? Eh. Shrugs his shoulders and says, "Oh well", then moves on. Let me reiterate: David doesn't seem to like Amanda at all.
So then we get a "Six Months Later" title and David is still happily plugging away at his job. In fact, things are going so well he's just been offered a contract on a new building. Hooray. Once again, Amanda isn't even a blip on David's radar. He probably doesn't even remember her name. One night while David is pulled out for drinks, he runs into Amanda's friend, who informs David that Amanda is in a new relationship. And in a span of about 3 seconds, David decides that he's always loved Amanda and is going to stalk her until he gets her back.
Uh.....WHAT???
How does this even make a remote amount of sense? I don't like you. Now I'm infatuated with you?? I've seen Fraggle Rock episodes with more logic. It was so outrageous of a character change, I scrolled around to make sure I hadn't accidentally opened another script. I can MAYBE see this working if David realized what he lost the second Amanda broke up with him. But six months later? After we've established he doesn't even like the woman?? Someone had just sent me a one-way ticket to Bizarre-o World.
From that point on Carnes and Gilbert had no chance with me. If characters could just turn into different people without explanation, why not add wizards and dragons while you're at it? But it was the missed opportunity of "Stalker" that ate at me most. Why didn't the writers go for an edgier comedy? Having your main character be a stalker is something that's never been done before in a comedy. You could've created something truly groundbreaking here, which is exactly what the title implies will happen. And I'm sure that expectation had plenty to do with my disappointment. But man, I feel like they really missed the boat. Instead of doing something different, this turned out to be one of the most standard of standard romantic comedies I've ever read.
As for the rest of the script, David turns to his Indian neighbor, Pumpang, for support. Pumpang is actually *the* most broken up about the dumping of everyone. He loved David and Amanda together and when their relationship ended, he spent days on end crying (as opposed to David - who didn't cry at all). When David's amateur efforts at stalking fail, Pumpang introduces him to a spy store, where the two buy all sorts of gadgets and listening devices so they can more accurately stalk Amanda. Now when I say "stalk", I use that term very loosely. Because every stalking scene is played purely for laughs. There are no consequences or stakes to what they're doing. We know that even if David gets caught, he'll be fine. Without any sense of danger, none of the stalking scenes held any tension.
Anyway, David lets his co-worker, Karen, in on the whole plot. Karen has seen every romantic comedy ever made and is constantly using examples from them to get David to move on. It turns out Karen might be a bit of a stalker herself though when it's eventually revealed she's infatuated with David. Although she never felt like a real person so I couldn't get into her. And to complicate matters, Amanda's new boyfriend is also David's client for his new building. Except it doesn't really complicate matters at all. It just feels like an interesting coincidence. I'm trying to think if there's anything else to the story but I'm coming up blank.
In the end, David gives a big long speech to Amanda about perfection. Her current boyfriend may be perfect. But David is imperfect, which, he points out, is exactly why she fell in love with him. Since the theme of perfection or even the hint of its importance was never once mentioned in the screenplay, this speech comes out of nowhere. Luckily for David though, it's enough to convince Amanda, and the two live happily ever after.
Was there anything positive about the script? Well, I thought the title was great. It was the reason I was excited to read the screenplay in the first place. Pumpang's obsession with getting David and Amanda back together was kind of cute. But in the end, there were an avalanche of negatives with Stalker. I congratulate Carnes and Glibert on a great sale. But for me, personally, I couldn't get into it.
[x] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] barely kept my interest
[ ] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: There's a scene in the middle of "Stalker: A Love Story," where David is pressured into going to an Asian Massage Parlor. I won't get into how many Asian massage parlor scenes I read in a week, but what upset me so much about the scene was that it had absolutely nothing to do with the story. In other words, you could've taken the scene out and nobody would've been confused as to what was going on. If your scene isn't essential to the screenplay, don't write it. And if you have a really funny scene you're dying to put in your movie but it isn't essential to the story, take the extra time and FIND A WAY TO MAKE IT ESSENTIAL TO THE STORY. Now you have a funny scene and it makes sense. Everybody wins.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Mixtape
Genre: Drama/Coming-of-Age
Premise: A thirteen year old outcast finds a mixtape that belonged to her deceased parents, accidentally destroys it, and uses the song list to find all the music.
About: Finished with 14 votes on this year’s Black List. Mixtape may have finished even higher had it officially gone out. If there’s a script that truly embodies the spirit of the Black List, this is it. It’s the “I’m a Loser, Baby” or “Paranormal Activity” of the screenwriting world, a script that found success purely through word of mouth. Stacy Menear, the writer, doesn’t have any previous sales or credits. The film will be directed by "King of Kong" helmer Seth Gordon. Playing the part of Beverly will be Chloe Moretz ("Hit Girl" in Kickass, as well as the lead in the remake of "Let The Right One In")
Status of Project: Securing Financing
Status of this Draft: First draft
Writer: Stacy Menear
Details: 119 pages (August 14, 2009)
Whoa. If you had told me that one of my favorite scripts off of this year’s Black List would be an emotional drama about a 13 year old girl cobbling together random songs from a broken mixtape, I would’ve expected you to also inform me that you were a robot from the future sent to save mankind. I’m still in shock after reading this, as I’m amazed that Menear even attempted the story. Its subject matter is a literary mine-field, the kind of graveyard where scripts go to die. Over-sentimentality. Saccharine. Melodramatic. One wrong step and you can fall perilously into any of those. By blinking you could be My Sister’s Keeper.
As if that wasn’t difficult enough, Menear bases the story around music, which basically nuclear charges every one of those mines. Music is one of the hardest things to write about in a screenplay because a) the reader can’t hear the music, and b) a song you love very well may be a song the reader hates. Mention an old Richard Marx tune to a metalhead and there goes your audience. Looking at this script before reading it, I anticipated a 2012 like disaster (you can use either the movie or the expected disaster for that analogy – both work).
But Mixtape is anything but a disaster. It’s an anti-disaster. It’s an antaster.
Beverly Moody has it as tough as any teenager can have it. She’s an overweight poor 13 year old girl without any friends who lives with her ultra-conservative grandmother. In other words, she was born to be bullied. In one of the many instances you know you’re dealing with a unique writer, Menear doesn't paint Beverly's nemesis as the typical Adonis blond-haired jock you remember from all those 80s flicks, but rather a wickedly cruel boy in a wheelchair. A bully in a wheelchair? Talk about turning a cliché on its head. I knew I was in good hands immediately.
Moretz will play the part of Beverly
The only thing that keeps Beverly going is the threadbare memory of her parents, who died in a car accident when she was a baby. Her grandmother never speaks of them, and so all Beverly has to go on is a single picture of the two when they were younger. This picture is the source of much of Beverly’s confusion and misdirection. Her parents are the complete opposite of her. Hip, cool, punk-rockers – clearly music lovers and proud rebels. How did *she* come from *them*? Beverly wants nothing more than to find out the answer to that question.
One day, while rummaging through some old boxes, Beverly comes across a mixtape made by her parents. Excited, she throws it in an aging walkman, only to accidentally destroy the tape. All that’s left is a list of odd sounding songs from the most obscure bands imaginable. If names like Bikini Kill and The Quick don't ring a bell, you better hold your breath. They're actually two of the more popular groups on the list. Beverly decides that through hell or high water, she must find every one of these songs.
Eventually she teams up with a fellow outcast named Ellen, a Korean girl who just moved in down the street, and Nicki, the chain-smoking “freak” girl at school that everyone is both repulsed by and terrified of. Ellen’s got a computer, which allows them to locate some of the songs, and Nicki’s a walking music encyclopedia, which allows them to find songs that even the internet doesn’t know about. Throw in Anti, the aging hipster who owns a run-down version of a High Fidelity record store, and Beverly is able to peck her way through the list.
Seth Gordon will direct.
A side effect of this journey is her connection with the music, which, to her grandmother’s chagrin, starts to change her. Beverly starts to punk herself out, if only to get closer to these people she never knew. One of the great story touches Menear uses, is he places one impossible song on the list – a song listed as “The song that reminds me of that day in the park.” It becomes the ultimate impossible goal for Beverly. To find the single song that truly defines her parents,' the song which will allow her to understand who they really are. But how do you find a song without an artist or a title? How do you find a song that you’ve never heard before? Watching and wondering if Beverly will ever find this song is both heartbreaking and riveting, as we end up wanting her to find closure just as much as she does.
As people struggle to compare this to something for reference, I think the obvious example is going to be Ghost World. However in that film, the girls were under the delusional perception that they were hip and cool. Beverly and her friends have no such delusions. They know they’re the outcasts, the losers, the wannabes. And it’s that angle that gives them and the script so much charm. They’re the true underdogs, and we desperately want for them to win.
There's so many things I loved about this script. Like the contrasts. For instance, how this awkward nerdy girl had a pair of the coolest parents ever. Her attempts to change, to become like them, in order to understand them, and not quite understanding what she's doing along the way. Like paying lip service without knowing how to sing. It works perfectly. Even the grandmother, who could’ve been a throwaway character, has a vested interest in the journey. She already lost one daughter to that lifestyle. Now she must watch idly as her granddaughter eases into that world as well, knowing that she’s helpless to stop her.
I’m still trying to figure out why this script resonated with me so much when so many others like it fail. Maybe it’s the exploration of people through music. Maybe it’s the obvious love Menear has for his characters. Maybe it’s that he’s not afraid to put those same characters through hell. Whatever it is, it worked. I’d probably say this is the best script I’ve ever read about music. And that’s coming from someone who hates punk-rock.
This is one of those rare scripts that gets it all right. I have no choice but to put it in my Top 25. (by the way, here's another take on the script)
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Although it’s not done here in Mixtape, I’m seeing it done more and more these days. Back in the old world, it was considered script suicide to list actual songs in your screenplay. For various reasons (mainly that the writer ain’t gonna be the one choosing the music when the movie comes out, but also who’s to say that the reader even knew what song you were talking about) it was one of those rules you simply didn't break. But Youtube has changed all that. Nowadays, you can list a song with a note (“check it out on Youtube”) and allow the reader to instantly hear the song you have in mind. You still run the risk of turning the reader off if they hate the song, but now they at least know what song you’re talking about. I know I’m in the minority, but I’m one of those people who believes that as more and more people read PDFs on their computers and ebooks, that multimedia writing will become more common (which I favor). That means music, pictures, and videos embedded right there in the document. I’m interested to hear what you guys think of this practice? In favor of it? Or would you rather stay old school?
note: If you look to the Top 25 list, a few of the scripts near the bottom half have moved around. Some of these scripts just stay with me while others fade away, forcing me juggle them around. The Voices is up there too now.
Premise: A thirteen year old outcast finds a mixtape that belonged to her deceased parents, accidentally destroys it, and uses the song list to find all the music.
About: Finished with 14 votes on this year’s Black List. Mixtape may have finished even higher had it officially gone out. If there’s a script that truly embodies the spirit of the Black List, this is it. It’s the “I’m a Loser, Baby” or “Paranormal Activity” of the screenwriting world, a script that found success purely through word of mouth. Stacy Menear, the writer, doesn’t have any previous sales or credits. The film will be directed by "King of Kong" helmer Seth Gordon. Playing the part of Beverly will be Chloe Moretz ("Hit Girl" in Kickass, as well as the lead in the remake of "Let The Right One In")
Status of Project: Securing Financing
Status of this Draft: First draft
Writer: Stacy Menear
Details: 119 pages (August 14, 2009)
Whoa. If you had told me that one of my favorite scripts off of this year’s Black List would be an emotional drama about a 13 year old girl cobbling together random songs from a broken mixtape, I would’ve expected you to also inform me that you were a robot from the future sent to save mankind. I’m still in shock after reading this, as I’m amazed that Menear even attempted the story. Its subject matter is a literary mine-field, the kind of graveyard where scripts go to die. Over-sentimentality. Saccharine. Melodramatic. One wrong step and you can fall perilously into any of those. By blinking you could be My Sister’s Keeper.
As if that wasn’t difficult enough, Menear bases the story around music, which basically nuclear charges every one of those mines. Music is one of the hardest things to write about in a screenplay because a) the reader can’t hear the music, and b) a song you love very well may be a song the reader hates. Mention an old Richard Marx tune to a metalhead and there goes your audience. Looking at this script before reading it, I anticipated a 2012 like disaster (you can use either the movie or the expected disaster for that analogy – both work).
But Mixtape is anything but a disaster. It’s an anti-disaster. It’s an antaster.
Beverly Moody has it as tough as any teenager can have it. She’s an overweight poor 13 year old girl without any friends who lives with her ultra-conservative grandmother. In other words, she was born to be bullied. In one of the many instances you know you’re dealing with a unique writer, Menear doesn't paint Beverly's nemesis as the typical Adonis blond-haired jock you remember from all those 80s flicks, but rather a wickedly cruel boy in a wheelchair. A bully in a wheelchair? Talk about turning a cliché on its head. I knew I was in good hands immediately.
Moretz will play the part of BeverlyThe only thing that keeps Beverly going is the threadbare memory of her parents, who died in a car accident when she was a baby. Her grandmother never speaks of them, and so all Beverly has to go on is a single picture of the two when they were younger. This picture is the source of much of Beverly’s confusion and misdirection. Her parents are the complete opposite of her. Hip, cool, punk-rockers – clearly music lovers and proud rebels. How did *she* come from *them*? Beverly wants nothing more than to find out the answer to that question.
One day, while rummaging through some old boxes, Beverly comes across a mixtape made by her parents. Excited, she throws it in an aging walkman, only to accidentally destroy the tape. All that’s left is a list of odd sounding songs from the most obscure bands imaginable. If names like Bikini Kill and The Quick don't ring a bell, you better hold your breath. They're actually two of the more popular groups on the list. Beverly decides that through hell or high water, she must find every one of these songs.
Eventually she teams up with a fellow outcast named Ellen, a Korean girl who just moved in down the street, and Nicki, the chain-smoking “freak” girl at school that everyone is both repulsed by and terrified of. Ellen’s got a computer, which allows them to locate some of the songs, and Nicki’s a walking music encyclopedia, which allows them to find songs that even the internet doesn’t know about. Throw in Anti, the aging hipster who owns a run-down version of a High Fidelity record store, and Beverly is able to peck her way through the list.
Seth Gordon will direct.A side effect of this journey is her connection with the music, which, to her grandmother’s chagrin, starts to change her. Beverly starts to punk herself out, if only to get closer to these people she never knew. One of the great story touches Menear uses, is he places one impossible song on the list – a song listed as “The song that reminds me of that day in the park.” It becomes the ultimate impossible goal for Beverly. To find the single song that truly defines her parents,' the song which will allow her to understand who they really are. But how do you find a song without an artist or a title? How do you find a song that you’ve never heard before? Watching and wondering if Beverly will ever find this song is both heartbreaking and riveting, as we end up wanting her to find closure just as much as she does.
As people struggle to compare this to something for reference, I think the obvious example is going to be Ghost World. However in that film, the girls were under the delusional perception that they were hip and cool. Beverly and her friends have no such delusions. They know they’re the outcasts, the losers, the wannabes. And it’s that angle that gives them and the script so much charm. They’re the true underdogs, and we desperately want for them to win.
There's so many things I loved about this script. Like the contrasts. For instance, how this awkward nerdy girl had a pair of the coolest parents ever. Her attempts to change, to become like them, in order to understand them, and not quite understanding what she's doing along the way. Like paying lip service without knowing how to sing. It works perfectly. Even the grandmother, who could’ve been a throwaway character, has a vested interest in the journey. She already lost one daughter to that lifestyle. Now she must watch idly as her granddaughter eases into that world as well, knowing that she’s helpless to stop her.
I’m still trying to figure out why this script resonated with me so much when so many others like it fail. Maybe it’s the exploration of people through music. Maybe it’s the obvious love Menear has for his characters. Maybe it’s that he’s not afraid to put those same characters through hell. Whatever it is, it worked. I’d probably say this is the best script I’ve ever read about music. And that’s coming from someone who hates punk-rock.
This is one of those rare scripts that gets it all right. I have no choice but to put it in my Top 25. (by the way, here's another take on the script)
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[ ] worth the read
[x] impressive
[ ] genius
What I learned: Although it’s not done here in Mixtape, I’m seeing it done more and more these days. Back in the old world, it was considered script suicide to list actual songs in your screenplay. For various reasons (mainly that the writer ain’t gonna be the one choosing the music when the movie comes out, but also who’s to say that the reader even knew what song you were talking about) it was one of those rules you simply didn't break. But Youtube has changed all that. Nowadays, you can list a song with a note (“check it out on Youtube”) and allow the reader to instantly hear the song you have in mind. You still run the risk of turning the reader off if they hate the song, but now they at least know what song you’re talking about. I know I’m in the minority, but I’m one of those people who believes that as more and more people read PDFs on their computers and ebooks, that multimedia writing will become more common (which I favor). That means music, pictures, and videos embedded right there in the document. I’m interested to hear what you guys think of this practice? In favor of it? Or would you rather stay old school?
note: If you look to the Top 25 list, a few of the scripts near the bottom half have moved around. Some of these scripts just stay with me while others fade away, forcing me juggle them around. The Voices is up there too now.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Black List scripts I didn't flip for...
Not all the Black List scripts smell like roses. Inevitably, you’re going to run into a script with some thorns. It's not that the script is “bad." I like to think of it as you and the writer have different gardens in mind. I’ve stepped into a few of these gardens. And not surprisingly, they’re all comedies. I say “not surprisingly” because this darn comedy genre is so stinkin’ polarizing. It’s inherent in its make-up. It’s probably why my dislike of 500 Days Of Summer (the movie, not the script) caused such a backlash in my Top 9 Movies Post. What others thought was hilarious and real, I found slow and plodding. You can’t spell plodding without “odd” though and my sense of humor is definitely that. I prefer the understated ambiguity of the humor in, say, Rushmore, to the loud demonstrative laughs you find in films like Wedding Crashers. The thing that always confuses me, though, is these comedies that *everybody* loves. Movies like The Hangover and Dumb and Dumber. Despite their wacky zanyness, they have uber-mass appeal. How do they do it? I guess when you're able to answer that, you're ready to open your own studio. For better or for worse, here are some Black List scripts that weren’t for me. Just opinions folks. Smother them in bowls of salt.
DOC AND HOWIE WHACK A GRANNY by Steve Leff
18 votes
Premise: “Two men, Doc and Howie, inadvertently kill an elderly woman when they neglect to help her carry groceries up stairs. The incident puts them in position to get closer to the woman's attractive granddaughters, and they struggle with deciding whether to tell the women the truth about the circumstances under which they met.”
Is Doc and Howie Whack a Granny the “Dude, Where’s My Car” of this generation? (or maybe I should ask, is “Dude, Where’s My Car” really a remnant of a previous generation?) I’ll leave that up to you. As for me, I felt like someone looking for a Christmas party and stumbling into a Vegas Halloween bash. Vulgar for vulgar’s sake shuts me down faster than a bad sweet potato. By page 3 our characters are discussing the intricacies of low vaginas. By page 5 how ball sweat affects blowjobs. I’m not going to pretend like I’m above this kind of humor. It’s just not my thing. If there’s something to take away from the script, it’s that they nailed the title. And when you nail a title, you get a ton of reads (I mentally put it at the top of my read pile after going through the list). Despite my post-Christmas Scroogeish-ness on “Granny”, this was one of the higher rated comedies on the list and I can see it playing strong to a young audience. Check it out and let me know what you think.
CELESTE AND JESSE FOREVER by Rashida Jones and Will McCormack
12 votes
Premise: “A divorcing couple tries to maintain their friendship while they both pursue other people.”
This is the one script from the list that made me sit up and go “huh?” I didn’t get it at all. I can’t stand scripts with muddy setups and this one came in like Arnold Swarchenegger at the end of Predator. The beginning is a big montage. Although we watch Celeste and Jesse get married, they also get divorced. Except when their divorce happens it’s never mentioned. For that reason, when the real script begins and their friends yell at them in reference to their divorce, I had to stop, rewind, check the montage again to see where they got divorced. It wasn’t there. And that’s when I officially checked out. If the writers aren’t taking the time to make things clear, then why even bother reading it? But even if that'd never happened, the script has a very strange tone to it. Celeste and Jesse have all these inside jokes going on, which they laugh at but nobody else does. Problem is, we don’t laugh at them either. It’s like those two best friends at a party who only care about making each other laugh, and actually revel in the fact that nobody else knows what they're talking about. Wonderful for those two. But to everyone else they're flashing a big fat sign that reads: “You’re not invited.” I never felt like I was invited to this story.
BETTY’S READY by Jaylynn Bailey
11 votes
Premise: “After she discovers that her boyfriend is gay, a high schooler, determined to lose her virginity before she goes to college, pursues several possible ‘candidates’ before she finds love with her geeky neighbor, who has always loved her.”
More vulgarity, this time from Miss Jaylynn! I swear I’m not a prude but if in the first couple of pages a female character likens a smell to "day-old twat" I immediately know I’m not the audience for this film. I do find it strange though, that the scripts Hollywood seems to be favoring from women these days are the ones that take on an almost male-like vile-ness. I Want To Fuck Your Sister, Desperados, The Hand Job. I guess the idea of a girl being able to out-dirty the guys has a delicious shock value to it. However, none of this is the reason I didn’t dig Betty’s Ready. My problem was the character of Betty herself, who from the get go was fairly angry and bitter. I simply couldn’t identify with her.
GOOD LOOKING by Chris McCoy
8 votes
Premise: “In a future where dating services perfectly match soulmates, a man rejects the person chosen for him.”
Dreamworks bought this early in the year. I think there’s something in this premise, but it’s not quite there yet. In fact, I’d be interested if the voters read a newer draft of the script, as the one I read was the draft that sold. Funny story – as I started reading this, I realized it sounded familiar. After a few pages I said, “Hey, I think I already read this.” And indeed I did. I reviewed it all the way back in April!
ALLIES WITH BENEFITS by Elizabeth Wright Shapiro
5 votes
Premise: “The female President of The United States falls for her old college fling, the now Prime Minister of England.”
All the way on the other end of the spectrum from "Betty's Ready" (and I guess partly contradicting my previous statement) is Allies and Benefits. This female-written script is as safe as a down pillow, and I think that’s its biggest problem. You know how even the best down pillows have the feathers sticking out that occasionally prick you? That remind you comfort can’t be enjoyed unless you understand dis-comfort? Allies With Benefits didn’t have any of those feathers. It was too smooth. It sorta reminded me of the pilot episode of Grey’s Anatomy (yes, I saw the pilot episode of Grey’s Anatomy!) but with world leaders as main characters. That’s something else I couldn’t get past. A president’s life is so out of the ordinary that unless the movie is written to specifically explore that unique life, it’s difficult to identify with them. Putting your leaders in a romantic comedy is even more daring because you have to balance this complicated ordered world they’re a part of with the fluffy romantic comedy conventions we expect from the genre. It’s like trying to slam peanut butter and mayonnaise together. Everybody likes peanut butter. Everybody likes mayonnaise. But I think the Canadians are the only ones who like them together. There are some cute moments here and it passes the poster test (you can see the poster to this movie without blinking) but I wanted more pricks. I wanted more dirt. Highly intrigued to hear what other rom-com lovers have to say about this.
note: If you're looking for Black List scripts, they're around. Ask in the comments section.
DOC AND HOWIE WHACK A GRANNY by Steve Leff
18 votes
Premise: “Two men, Doc and Howie, inadvertently kill an elderly woman when they neglect to help her carry groceries up stairs. The incident puts them in position to get closer to the woman's attractive granddaughters, and they struggle with deciding whether to tell the women the truth about the circumstances under which they met.”
Is Doc and Howie Whack a Granny the “Dude, Where’s My Car” of this generation? (or maybe I should ask, is “Dude, Where’s My Car” really a remnant of a previous generation?) I’ll leave that up to you. As for me, I felt like someone looking for a Christmas party and stumbling into a Vegas Halloween bash. Vulgar for vulgar’s sake shuts me down faster than a bad sweet potato. By page 3 our characters are discussing the intricacies of low vaginas. By page 5 how ball sweat affects blowjobs. I’m not going to pretend like I’m above this kind of humor. It’s just not my thing. If there’s something to take away from the script, it’s that they nailed the title. And when you nail a title, you get a ton of reads (I mentally put it at the top of my read pile after going through the list). Despite my post-Christmas Scroogeish-ness on “Granny”, this was one of the higher rated comedies on the list and I can see it playing strong to a young audience. Check it out and let me know what you think.
CELESTE AND JESSE FOREVER by Rashida Jones and Will McCormack
12 votes
Premise: “A divorcing couple tries to maintain their friendship while they both pursue other people.”
This is the one script from the list that made me sit up and go “huh?” I didn’t get it at all. I can’t stand scripts with muddy setups and this one came in like Arnold Swarchenegger at the end of Predator. The beginning is a big montage. Although we watch Celeste and Jesse get married, they also get divorced. Except when their divorce happens it’s never mentioned. For that reason, when the real script begins and their friends yell at them in reference to their divorce, I had to stop, rewind, check the montage again to see where they got divorced. It wasn’t there. And that’s when I officially checked out. If the writers aren’t taking the time to make things clear, then why even bother reading it? But even if that'd never happened, the script has a very strange tone to it. Celeste and Jesse have all these inside jokes going on, which they laugh at but nobody else does. Problem is, we don’t laugh at them either. It’s like those two best friends at a party who only care about making each other laugh, and actually revel in the fact that nobody else knows what they're talking about. Wonderful for those two. But to everyone else they're flashing a big fat sign that reads: “You’re not invited.” I never felt like I was invited to this story.
BETTY’S READY by Jaylynn Bailey
11 votes
Premise: “After she discovers that her boyfriend is gay, a high schooler, determined to lose her virginity before she goes to college, pursues several possible ‘candidates’ before she finds love with her geeky neighbor, who has always loved her.”
More vulgarity, this time from Miss Jaylynn! I swear I’m not a prude but if in the first couple of pages a female character likens a smell to "day-old twat" I immediately know I’m not the audience for this film. I do find it strange though, that the scripts Hollywood seems to be favoring from women these days are the ones that take on an almost male-like vile-ness. I Want To Fuck Your Sister, Desperados, The Hand Job. I guess the idea of a girl being able to out-dirty the guys has a delicious shock value to it. However, none of this is the reason I didn’t dig Betty’s Ready. My problem was the character of Betty herself, who from the get go was fairly angry and bitter. I simply couldn’t identify with her.
GOOD LOOKING by Chris McCoy
8 votes
Premise: “In a future where dating services perfectly match soulmates, a man rejects the person chosen for him.”
Dreamworks bought this early in the year. I think there’s something in this premise, but it’s not quite there yet. In fact, I’d be interested if the voters read a newer draft of the script, as the one I read was the draft that sold. Funny story – as I started reading this, I realized it sounded familiar. After a few pages I said, “Hey, I think I already read this.” And indeed I did. I reviewed it all the way back in April!
ALLIES WITH BENEFITS by Elizabeth Wright Shapiro
5 votes
Premise: “The female President of The United States falls for her old college fling, the now Prime Minister of England.”
All the way on the other end of the spectrum from "Betty's Ready" (and I guess partly contradicting my previous statement) is Allies and Benefits. This female-written script is as safe as a down pillow, and I think that’s its biggest problem. You know how even the best down pillows have the feathers sticking out that occasionally prick you? That remind you comfort can’t be enjoyed unless you understand dis-comfort? Allies With Benefits didn’t have any of those feathers. It was too smooth. It sorta reminded me of the pilot episode of Grey’s Anatomy (yes, I saw the pilot episode of Grey’s Anatomy!) but with world leaders as main characters. That’s something else I couldn’t get past. A president’s life is so out of the ordinary that unless the movie is written to specifically explore that unique life, it’s difficult to identify with them. Putting your leaders in a romantic comedy is even more daring because you have to balance this complicated ordered world they’re a part of with the fluffy romantic comedy conventions we expect from the genre. It’s like trying to slam peanut butter and mayonnaise together. Everybody likes peanut butter. Everybody likes mayonnaise. But I think the Canadians are the only ones who like them together. There are some cute moments here and it passes the poster test (you can see the poster to this movie without blinking) but I wanted more pricks. I wanted more dirt. Highly intrigued to hear what other rom-com lovers have to say about this.
note: If you're looking for Black List scripts, they're around. Ask in the comments section.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Kingdom Come
Hip hip hooray! It's the new year. I'm not much for resolutions but I have set myself a few big goals for 2010. The first is to post my plans for Scriptshadow - some changes I want to make, some additions, goals to get more of you working as professional writers. But it's such a huge post that writing it feels like I'm tackling War and Peace. I'll try to have it up some time in the next couple of weeks. If I don't, feel free to give me a nudge. While I deal with that, let's turn it over to Roger, who's reviewing today's very cool sounding script, "Kingdom Come." Why they haven't adapted Lord Of The Flies in 20 years is beyond me. Whoever has the rights, make it happen. Do it right and it would be huge.
Genre: Horror
Premise: When the entire staff of an isolated reform school disappears in the middle of the night, the rebellious students not only must survive each other – they come face-to-face with a much darker force lurking in the icy wilderness. Supernatural Lord of the Flies with echoes of The Shining.
About: Alex McAulay wrote the novels Bad Girls (MTV Books), Shelter Me, Oblivion Road, and Lost Summer. Chris Sivertson is the writer-director who adapted the Jack Ketchum novel, The Lost. He also directed I Know Who Killed Me (for which he won a Razzie Award - although I'm guessing that had more to do with Lindsay Lohan being in the movie) and Wicked Lake. The script made the rounds a couple of months ago but ultimately did not sell.
Writer: Alex McAulay & Chris Sivertson
Details: Draft dated 9/9/09
Do we get a reimagining of this classic tale?
The first time I heard of this script the person referring to it used the phrase, "Harry Potter on Acid". I love wizards like Tiger Woods loves extramarital sex. Now imagine my demeanor, think of the lust in my geek loins when my eyeballs locked on that phrase. Harry Potter on Acid, holy fuck dude! I've never done acid before, but I understand it has Fuck Shit Up Properties. Of course I want to read about the world where boy wizards trip balls and where everything seems so psychedelically scary, that it's like the writer's pen is wielded with that specific Hallucinogenic Edge that men like Hunter S. Thompson and Alejandro Jodorowsky know so well.
What I learned: Don't get so sidetracked with your supernatural and fantastical elements that you forget about your real story. Fantasy works best when it's about people that feel like real human beings. And for this reason, I feel like "Kingdom Come" tells a situation, not a story. Stories are about people, not scenarios (or MacGuffins, or monsters, or portals to other dimensions, or explosions). Think of the potential for conflict when two people, who clash about everything, are put in the same room together. Now lock the doors. Your story is about what happens between these two people when they start to interact. It's not about the walls of the room they're in (even if the walls are closing in on them, about to smash them). In the same way, if you create a microcosm, focus on the human drama that arises between the characters. Not on that demon that lurks in the shadows, waiting to fuck shit up. Okay, maybe you can give him some of the limelight, just don't let him take over the show. Unless it's the Crypt Keeper.
He's okay.
Genre: Horror
Premise: When the entire staff of an isolated reform school disappears in the middle of the night, the rebellious students not only must survive each other – they come face-to-face with a much darker force lurking in the icy wilderness. Supernatural Lord of the Flies with echoes of The Shining.
About: Alex McAulay wrote the novels Bad Girls (MTV Books), Shelter Me, Oblivion Road, and Lost Summer. Chris Sivertson is the writer-director who adapted the Jack Ketchum novel, The Lost. He also directed I Know Who Killed Me (for which he won a Razzie Award - although I'm guessing that had more to do with Lindsay Lohan being in the movie) and Wicked Lake. The script made the rounds a couple of months ago but ultimately did not sell.
Writer: Alex McAulay & Chris Sivertson
Details: Draft dated 9/9/09
Do we get a reimagining of this classic tale?The first time I heard of this script the person referring to it used the phrase, "Harry Potter on Acid". I love wizards like Tiger Woods loves extramarital sex. Now imagine my demeanor, think of the lust in my geek loins when my eyeballs locked on that phrase. Harry Potter on Acid, holy fuck dude! I've never done acid before, but I understand it has Fuck Shit Up Properties. Of course I want to read about the world where boy wizards trip balls and where everything seems so psychedelically scary, that it's like the writer's pen is wielded with that specific Hallucinogenic Edge that men like Hunter S. Thompson and Alejandro Jodorowsky know so well.
I read this script dressed in a cloak. A hand-me down from that tween tea party I went to at Barnes & Noble where I learned two things about myself: (1) I must really love J.K. Rowling and (2) The older I get, the more delicious teen girls in pointy wizard hats look.
I'm here to report one thing:
My wizard boner died in its attempt to copulate with this script. Why? There were no fucking wizards, man.
Which is to say, "Kingdom Come" is nothing like Harry Potter on acid. But it wasn't trying to be. However, it is an actual line of dialogue in the script.
So, what's it like?
Imagine a movie that has the story DNA of both Stephen King's The Shining and Firestarter. Now cross-pollinate that double-helix with the nuclei of William Golding's Lord of the Flies, and the chimera might turn out to be something like "Kingdom Come".
Something about the first few pages of "Kingdom Come" really evoked the music video for Billy Idol's "Cradle of Love". I'm still trying to figure out why.
When we meet Ryan Cooper, he's smoking blunts and stretching cunts. Okay, maybe he's not a stoner, but he does attempt to get into the sweet panties of Emily Anderson. They're both at that tender age of seventeen where the concept of true love has yet to be tarnished. Seventeen is a good magazine to spank it to (it also has good quizzes, if you're so inclined), but it's also the age where girls still willingly open their legs for Edward Cullen. After seventeen, girls stop believing in fairytales and instead of fucking Edward, they mace him or go all Buffy on him.
But I digress. Seventeen year-old girls have fathers. And ninety-nine percent of the time, these daddies are grizzled and protective and jealous cockblockers. And such is the case for Ryan, because when he's caught by Mr. Anderson with his pants around his knees on top of his (presumably) only daughter, there's fisticuffs. Mr. Anderson has an interesting cockblocking technique. Instead of horse-whipping Ryan, he slaps his own daughter in the face. When he slaps her, Ryan attacks.
In such matters, where teenage boys beat on the fathers of their girlfriends, there's usually a form of justice required. In "Kingdom Come", the narrative requires an interesting punishment for Ryan.
Ryan is sent to Briarcliff Reform School. Note that this all boy's dungeon is located in the middle of the Colorado mountains during the strangest of winters, kinda like the Overlook Hotel in The Shining.
Incidentally, Ryan is also being sent to the same school that Emily's bizarre little brother, Simon, has been sent to.
What's wrong with this Simon kid?
We first learn of Simon when one the creepy oil paintings in Emily's room catches Ryan's attention. It's of a man tearing his head open to reveal another man underneath. Francis Bacon, eat your heart out. The acrylic Matryoshka doll man watches Ryan try to fuck Emily.
Simon not only paints, but we're told he's the weirdest kid at Briarcliff. Why? Simon's a sleepwalker, and it's hinted that his dreams during these spells aren't really dreams. You see, Simon knows shit about people he has no business knowing. How does he acquire this knowledge? I guess, like little Danny, he shines.
When Ryan gets to Briarcliff, he's concerned with checking up on Simon. He his Emily's kid brother, after all.
What's the deal with Briarcliff?
Briarcliff is run by Father Cleary, who reminded me a little of the warden from The Shawshank Redemption and Sunlight Gardener from The Talisman. A creepy authority figure who might be a little corrupt.
Father Cleary's muscle is Brother Grimes, and welcomes Ryan to Briarcliff much like Byron Hadley welcomes the fresh fish into Shawshank. He shoves him around, pretty much uses every tactic except ass-rape to make it clear that Ryan is in hell, and while in hell, he's just gonna have to straighten out.
There are three nuns that work in the cafeteria. The most important is Sister Fiona, a figure so intriguing I was hoping this would turn into a nunsploitation flick, but no dice there. Fiona sympathizes with the boys. She's the only authority figure that seems to know that there's something wrong with Briarcliff.
Ryan quickly becomes friends with the nerdiest and most picked on kid at the school, Helen. Helen isn't his real name, but the other boys have named him after Helen Keller because he wears a pink hearing aid.
The school bully is Jay. He's not physically imposing, but like any bully worth his salt, he has a few cronies who laugh at his jokes and do his bidding.
And that's pretty much the set-up for our microcosm. You've got the authority figures, who are mostly assholes, except for Fiona. And you've got the good kids and the bad kids. The good kids are led by Ryan and Helen. The bad kids are led by Jay.
Is Briarcliff haunted?
Not persay. But there's something lurking out in the wilderness nearby that's casting its strange shadow on the school.
At night, there's a creepy howling whistle that keeps a sleepwalking Simon glued to the window. And that's one of the most effective images for me, "There's something disturbing about the image of this small boy framed by the vast wilderness."
Helen has a theory about this whistling, "They say it's the sound of dead souls trapped in the mountain."
So what's the hook?
When the boys wake up one morning at the beginning of the 2nd act, all the adults have disappeared.
The situation at the school quickly unravels. Reform school boys run amok. Jay attempts to assume leadership of the school body, but he's gonna have to butt heads with Ryan.
Soon after, Simon disappears and Ryan must venture into the mountains to search for the boy.
Yes, he discovers the source of the whistling, and shit gets really complicated when Simon returns back to the school.
Changed.
And perhaps not in a good way.
Did you like it, Rog?
I wanted it to be as awesome as Dario Argento's "Suspiria". For this type of tale, that's kind of the high-watermark for me. I mean, isn't setting a supernatural tale in an all-boy's school sort of the other side of the coin? It's the testosterone-and-semen version of "Suspiria". I'm surprised Victor Salva didn't already think of this idea. Or maybe he already did with "Jeepers Creepers 2". I don't know. You be the judge.
I guess my main issue with the script is that we're teased with a Lord of the Flies-esque potboiler. We're presented with the fixings of a microcosm that will be used to explore the psychological nature of people. And unfortunately, this wonderful set-up is moved to the side and the story shifts gears to concentrate on Simon and his mysterious nature.
For example, the authority figures could have been more of a threat. When Grimes, Cleary and Fiona become really interesting, they're taken out of the story and it becomes solely about the kids. Call me picky, but I think the situation could have been mined for more drama.
And the conflict between the good and bad children didn't go the distance for me. It didn't feel immediate and urgent. If Jay started hoarding supplies or something, really taking control of the school and putting the other kids in danger, then I would have been more involved with their plight. Instead, it never feels like real danger.
I would have liked to see more of a balance between the human drama and the supernatural elements. The best thrills and true horror come from people (their relationships with one another and their decisions) not just situations.
Final verdict: A creepy tale that owes fealty to The Shining. Some readers, especially horror hounds, might be turned on by the demonic images and the script's various attempts to disturb them. But horror snobs might find that, in the end, although the script's pieces are comparable to its influences, it ultimately lacks the emotional and psychological depth of its paternal precursors. The whole time I was reading it, I kept thinking of the wonders contained within Michael Grant's "Gone" saga (another supernatural story about kids in a world where the adults disappear) and the intricate character conflicts explored in Stephen King's latest, "Under the Dome". Both are works that not only provide cool set-ups, but the microcosms they present don't feel like flat worlds. Interesting characters inhabit these worlds, and we are allowed to know them. Sure, those are novels, but you can do the same thing in a screenplay. You just have to write the right screenplay.
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
[ ] What the hell did I just read?
[ ] wasn’t for me
[x] worth the read
[ ] impressive
[ ] genius
He's okay.
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