VENT

One of the most common questions asked about toxic leadership and all the harmful behaviours that come with it is: "Why is it tolerated?". The answer: because there is no proper way to hold people in positions of authority accountable for abusing their power. This leads to fear, alienation, cover-ups, illness, more abuse, financial problems, relationships falling apart, companies and teams failing. 🔹 What do we do about it? We focus on building solidarity among people who experience working in unhealthy and destructive work environments. 🔹 How do we do it? 👉 By joining forces with experts such as Cynthia Mathieu Ph.D., Nathalie Martinek, Ph.D. and Heliana Ramirez, Ph.D., L.I.S.W. focusing on dark personalities in the workplace, the effects of trauma on the brain, ways to mitigate and heal from traumatizing experiences. 👉 By looking for impactful tools with experienced and passionate healthcare providers like Cristina de la Fuente, BSN, RN, CV-BC and Heather McDonnell BSN, RN, CCM 👉 By collaborating with organizations whose work compliments our efforts such as Bounce Black and Harassment Support Network (HSN) 👉 By creating a platform that amplifies stories bringing awareness to the scale and nature of the problem that normalization and acceptance of dysfunctional leadership is (link in the comments). We are very excited to be partnering up with Harassment Support Network (HSN) who are providing free-of-charge services in the areas of psycho-social, pre-legal and career support to people working in Brussels. Link to their website in the comments 👇 ---------------------------------------------------- Do you want to play a part in creating more healthy work environments? Follow VENT and share our posts to spread awareness about patterns and impact of exploitation and abuse at work.

"Is it not the expectation that if I want to get promoted I should exercise the behaviours of someone at the next level? I don't understand why it feels like I am being penalized? It's like you're telling me to stay in my place and stop being so overly ambitious. This is where I get concerned about the bias. Am I being judged on my competence or is it just whatever you feel like?". There is no question about the levels of insecurity of toxic leaders. They are high. They simultaneously see themselves as superior and are terrified of being outshined, especially by those they believe to be "below" them. Have you ever worked with a leader who tried to gaslight and belittle you by shaming and sabotaging your efforts to improve yourself?

"He was able to maintain his influence through a persuasive personality. He could make something look like it was successful when it was not, make you believe that if you didn’t get in on his next project, you are going to look like the biggest idiot on the planet”. Have you seen "Dirty Pop: The Boy Band Scam" on Netflix? Watch and learn how Lou Pearlman, and people like him, manage to exploit employees, investors, friends and unsuspecting clients. A cautionary tale about buying into charisma, showmanship and grand visions of self-serving leaders with something to prove.

What about a bit of workplace gossip? 😏 What harm could it do? 😝 Everybody does it! It's just banter, right? If people take themselves too seriously and get offended, that's their problem. Right? 🤔 👂 Have you ever witnessed people get hurt at work because of gossip? 👄 Have you suffered because of people talking about you behind your back? 👂 Did your leadership do anything about it? 👄 Did you trust them enough to ask for help? Or maybe you identify with this contributor to VENT ABOUT THE TOXIC BOSS interview series? 👇

"Society is conditioned to see things a certain way because it needs to be a giant economic machine. We are conditioned to fall into a hierarchy that we believe is meritorious so that hard work, loyalty and obedience gets rewarded - because the only way the government stays in power over a large group of people is if there is a predictable system. And as any system is just a belief system, all you need to do to step out of the system is stop believing in it or believe in a different system. I believed that the way to success was to work harder and be better than the competition. Often time it was true, but often time it wasn't. Sometimes, the people left and right to me at the race had no business being there. The only reason they were was that they were the son or a daughter of someone important, they had money, opportunities... It wasn't merit based. But everything taught me that it WAS merit based, that the best jobs go to people with the best scores. But that wasn't the truth. The richest people weren't the smartest people. The most successful people weren't the hardest workers." Andrew Busamente 👇

It seems so crazy to me right now, but some months ago, when I was a podcast guest of Wesley and Kim's discussing a chapter in her, then upcoming, book Radical Respect, I was preaching left and right: "Deep down, no one actually believes they are better than others. Prejudice and bias come from lack of education and lack of awareness. If only people really understood what it means to be human, and how we all come together, they would not treat others so badly!" 🤡 lol. Cute 👼 Kim, very calmly responded: "I used to believe what you believe, but unfortunately I came to the conclusion that there are people who really believe that they are superior to others and there is no educating them. And that's when you need laws and rules." This conversation opened a whole new world for me, and was what led me to two of my most valued collaborators focusing on Narcissism and Psychopathy in the workplace: Cynthia Mathieu Ph.D. and Nathalie Martinek, Ph.D. 👏 The below article by Wesley brought back the memory of my focus-shifting "a-ha!" moment. Now, a year on since that podcast episode, I am absolutely on the same page as Kim: the only way is accountability - systemic accountability. The worst bullies and toxic leaders are beyond being educated, coached or rehabilitated in any way. Appealing to their humanity is a complete waste of resources. If you are a new leader, don't be as naive as I was 👶 If you are setting up your structures, make sure you have solid accountability measure built within your system. Including measures that can prevent yourself from gettin up on that high horse because again, as Kim says: "Power corrupts. Even those who would pass all of the emotional intelligence tests". 🐎

Kudos to Wesley Faulkner sharing his experience of being bullied out of a job and the impact it had on his career trajectory and well-being: "After my career pivot, I had to start back at the bottom and work my way back up to where I had been. It took several years to gain the same salary level I’d previously achieved, which was a considerable sacrifice. I will forever remember being told that my ambition, dedication, and passion weren’t worthy and weren’t appreciated." Great article with valuable insights from Kim Scott, helping the reader understand the patterns of abuse, abusers' motivations and why the only way to move the needle is to create a system of accountability: 👇 "If bullies were swayed by being aware of the harm they are doing to the people they are bullying, they wouldn’t be mistreating other people in the first place. Usually, they are trying to hurt someone. Pointing out the pain they are inflicting doesn’t make them stop and may even encourage them to double down.” Kim Scott

In my two years at VENT researching and educating about toxic leadership, I came across three distinct ways people respond to the topic, regardless of having experienced it or not: 👉 1. Completely dismissing validity of those experiences as genuinely impactful. Labelling people who are vocal about the issue as having a "victim mindset", "not taking responsibility for their own lives", "gaining a sense of purpose and belonging by being part of the victim-mindset community ". 👉 2. Recognizing that there is a systemic issue, the impact of which affects everyone and everything in the world - and looking for ways to be part of the solution, even in the smallest way. 👉 3. Creating a whole identity based on having experienced abuse in the workplace, and drowning all energetic and financial resources in getting recognized for own suffering, suffering of others and the levels of injustice endured without any accountability on the part of the abuser. 🏕 There is one camp that chants: "Stop talking about it. Leave it in the past. Take responsibility for yourself. Stop blaming everyone else for your failures. Whatever you went through, it surely wasn't THAT bad. I went through worse and I am doing great!". 🏕 There is another camp chanting: "Let's build solidarity and bring about lasting change for a better tomorrow. Let's make people feel seen and valued. Let's ensure justice is served and effective preventive measure are set in place." 🏕 There is yet another camp chanting: "Burn them at the stake! Don't let anyone forget the harm and humiliation. Shout it from the rooftops until justice is served, and then shout some more so history doesn't repeat itself." I've also seen people swap camps depending on who they are talking to, who they are talking about, where they are talking about it. The more people contribute to my research, the more my expertise grows, the less I see it actually matters, who belongs to which camp. The issue is as old as time, people's perceptions are by definition subjective and we invest way too much energy judging each other's beliefs and experiences. They only question, I think, each camp should be asking themselves is this: "Is the energy you're putting in worth the outcome?". ✅ I belong to the second camp, and after careful considerstion, my answer to the question is "yes". ❓ Which camp are you in, and what is your answer? 😃

✴ Why do we follow toxic leaders and why are they tolerated, even sometimes preferred? Because of our fears and emotions, which they address and manipulate. The less self-aware we are, the more susceptable to exploitative tactics of self-serving, harmful leaders. One of the world's top experts on toxic leadership, prof. Jean Lipman-Blumen, identifies the most important psychological drivers as: 👉 Need for security 👉 Need to feel chosen 👉 Need for membership in a community 👉 Fear from ostracism, isolation and social death 👉 Fear of personal powerlessness vis a vis the toxic leader 👉 Need to grow and maintain high self-esteem, opportunities for heroism ✴ Because toxic leaders strongly appeal to our existential fears and psychological needs, it takes time, patience and strategy to become immune to their tactics. The first step is always to focus on strengthening yourself emotionally and spiritually. This is the preparation stage necessary to build individual resistance. As prof. Lipman-Blumen writes: "Changing oneself, demanding as that may be, is always easier than changing others and the society." If you need any suggestions who to follow on LinkedIn to grow your self-awareness and build individual resistance to toxic leaders, here are a couple of ideas: Nathalie Martinek, Ph.D. Teodora Paucean, ACC ICF Dr. Julie Smith https://lnkd.in/dvffPBTW Who else do you follow to grow psychological strength and emotional indepencence?

Can you tell if you are working for a toxic boss simply by feeling a certain way? We have conducted over 100 international interviews and the patterns are very clear. Do you identify with this person's experience? What have you observed help people be successful with a toxic leader? Have you tried any of these methods?