1. |
The Decline
01:31
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Hopeless
Is this what life has come to?
Senseless and cruel
What I've done to you
Endless, dark
Nights trapped in the void
Loveless, alone
A stranger in my own skin
There has to be a way out
This cannot be how it ends
Every exit is blocked
Can't get out, can't get in
Relentless calling
The voices in my head
Defenseless, falling
Depression's lonely embrace
I can't stand
What's happening to me
I can't do
Anything to stop the decline
I can't stop
My life from falling apart
How long will I fall
Before I hit the bottom?
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2. |
40:23
01:34
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Constant decline
A mental health fucking disaster
Everyone sees
Exactly where this will go
Don't come near
He doesn't want to talk
Leave him alone
Til he makes another mistake
Life turned out worse than I imagined
Hope is gone that it will ever improve
Wasted years nothing to show for anything
Bored and old running out of patience
Chemical prison
A world where nothing is bad but,
Nothing is good
An endless shade of grey
Pattern repeats
Every day just like the last one
Numbness spreads
Searching for something to feel
Caught in a cycle, no one can help me break free
40 years old and wasted 23
Caught in a cycle, no one can help me break free
40 years old and wasted 23
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3. |
Tired Shell of a Man
01:01
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Empty and broken, too many self-inflicted wounds to
Stop all the bleeding, the sound of my life running out
How long, will you stay, and watch this tired shell of a man
Try and make up for the pain I've caused to everyone else?
Not one to talk about my problems
Not one to deal with what's wrong
Can't you see I just want silence?
Can't see you see I just want out?
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4. |
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Crushing, gnawing, biting, clawing
Aching, tearing, bending, breaking
Exhausted, tormented, unsettled, demented
Relentless, unending, depressing, suppressing
A world of shame and misery
Contained within my mind
Darkness envelopes me
And hastens my decline
Choking, strangling, hanging, drowning
Slicing, gouging, crying, hiding
Burning, scabbing, sawing, scratching,
Killing, defeating, inflicting, releasing
A world of shame and misery
Contained within my mind
Darkness envelopes me
And hastens my decline
Inner self
In slavery to processes I can't control
In slavery to my own demons
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5. |
Medicated Existence
01:50
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Fighting a losing battle
Unsure which way to turn
Old and full of regret
Someone help me
Everyday seems the same
When will it ever end
No sense in being here
It's not worth it
Tell me to stop the way I'm thinking and acting
Tell me to take my pills and things will get better
Medicated existence
A prison in a pill
Flattens your emotions
Now you live in hell
Where can you turn when
There is no one to help you
Well meaning smiles on their patronizing faces
Everyday seems the same
When will it ever end
No sense in being here
It's not worth it
Tell me to stop the way I'm thinking and acting
Tell me to take my pills and things will get better
Medicated existence
A prison in a pill
Flattens your emotions
Now you live in hell
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6. |
SSU
01:12
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Stuck inside these walls
No longer have the key
Scratching to get out
Hear their voices
See the flash of light
Every half an hour
People I once knew
Surveil me
Are you having any thoughts of harming yourself?
Do you have an active plan to carry it out?
Stuck inside these walls
Time stands still
Lonely, hungry, tired
But scared to leave here
See all of their smiles
Every fucking day
They don't understand
What it's like
W2A
Third door on the right
W2A
Third door on the right
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7. |
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It's so cold in this room
I feel like i'm dead
Icy hands embrace my self
Bones protruding
Stuck in the void
Can't see straight
Eyes wide open
Hope for nothing
Another deathlike silence in this room
As empty days give way to months and years
It's so dark in this room
It's like a tomb
Intrusive thoughts keep me awake
And torture me
Stuck in the void
Can't see straight
Eyes wide open
Hope for nothing
Another deathlike silence in this room
As empty days give way to months and years
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8. |
Let's Talk
01:41
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Things will get better
I don't see how they could get worse
Betters days will come
If I can get through them
I know you want to talk
But it's not so easy
Expressing how I feel
When I don't feel anything
Fuck your smiling faces
Fuck your ad campaign
Fuck the way you help
When it only serves yourself
No comfort in the past
It's only full of mistakes
No solace in the future
You know you don't have one
I know you want to talk
But it's not so easy
Expressing how I feel
When I don't feel anything
Fuck your smiling faces
Fuck your ad campaign
Fuck the way you help
When it only serves yourself
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9. |
Pharmaceutical Abuse
01:30
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Cannot move, cannot see clearly
Time slows, to a standstill
Room spins, swirling all around
Seizure panic, tied in knots
Cheapest fucking high
The shame of an addict
Harsh and synthetic
My drug of choice
One minute, stretches into hours
Unsure if I'm still alive
Nightmare, forgotten memories
See my thoughts written clear as day
Cheapest fucking high
The shame of an addict
Harsh and synthetic
My drug of choice
Pharmaceutical abuse
Derealization
Pharmaceutical abuse
Dissociation
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10. |
Victimizer
01:14
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Peel back the layers
Of comfort and security
See what I'm really like
Without chemical blinders
Day by day a little bit darker
Day by day things get clearer
Piece of shit
Victimizer
Abusive
Wrecker of families
Cold heart
No remorse
Pathetic
Not worthy of life
Day by day a little bit darker
Wish I could be someone else
Day by day things get clearer
Wish I could be someone else
Peel back the layers
Of comfort and security
See what I'm really like
Without chemical blinders
Don't like what I see
No wonder she feels the way she does
I guess it was the wrong thing
When I bailed on my own death
Day by day a little bit darker
Wish I could erase the past
Day by day things get clearer
Wish I could erase the past
Don't like what I see
No wonder she feels the way she does
I guess it was the wrong thing
When I bailed on my own death
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11. |
Countdown
01:24
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Searching for a place
To stop and kill myself
Make the first cut
In five four three two
One chance to do this
Don't fuck it up
Wounds like a matrix
Uncover my insides
The deed is done and I
Didn't feel a thing
Wait for death
In five four three two
One minute goes by
And I, am feeling faint
Try and relax
And go to forever sleep
A non-descript place
To end a non-descript life
A violent end
To a story everyone's heard
The deed is done and I
Didn't feel a thing
Wait for death
In five four three two
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12. |
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Give anything to be different than how I am
Give anything to change the things I've done
Give anything to be normal for one day
Give anything to erase my past
I am no one
I am no one
Wishing my life away
All my life
Smiling on the outside
All my life
Inside dead and buried
All my life
Wishing my life away
Give anything to escape from this place
Give anything to have some peace of mind
Give anything to have ordinary feelings
Give anything to be free from this prison
I am no one
I am no one
Wishing my life away
All my life
Smiling on the outside
All my life
Inside dead and buried
All my life
Wishing my life away
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13. |
It's Real This Time
01:04
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Something inside me
Just wants to say
Fuck everything
And everyone
And take a razorblade
And see what my arms
Look like underneath
It's real this time
It's happening
I'm dying this time
It's happening
Something inside me just wants to
Stop thinking of suicide
I'm sick of all this talking, all the pain
It's time to make it fucking real
It's real this time
Reality's harsh and bleak
Ugly, inhuman, and vile
Everyone has a final day
December 3rd is mine
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14. |
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I told you I meant it
I'm not fucking joking
Irreversible action
Yes, I'm really that pathetic
Drive for a while
No particular place in mind
Stop the car
And in three cuts it's done
And now I'm on the side of the road
And now there's blood all over
And now it's getting colder
And now I'm laughing to myself
And now my fingers are slipping
And now it's three two one percent
And now my voice is shaking
And now I think I'm really dying
Put your hands where I can see
Do you have any sharp objects
We're gonna do our best to help
Paramedics are on their way
Do you know what you've done?
Do you know you're not alone?
Replaying in my head
Like someone else's fucking story
Didn't feel a thing
But the pain won't go away
On and on it goes
Forever this will define me
I see it in their faces
I see it written on my skin
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15. |
Suicidal Failure
02:04
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Countdown has begun
It's only a matter of time
The sound of running blood
A ringing in my ears
Put your head down, just go to sleep
You've done it countless times before
In a minute or two it'll all be done
You can sleep the forever sleep
Sudden change of mind
It's not going as planned
Blood upon my hands
Slipping slowly away
Put your head down, just go to sleep
You've done it countless times before
In a minute or two it'll all be done
You can sleep the forever sleep
An undignified end
On the side of the road
Footlong cuts on my arms
Seats stained with blood
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Endrot St. John'S, Newfoundland and Labrador
Newfoundland deathgrind.
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