Even in a world where online dating has become the norm and it's now possible to skip the tiring process of scouring bars and events for other singles in order to get a date, sometimes it's just the thought of going on the date that's tiring. No matter what kind of encounter you plan, it will always require some sort of physical effort.
We're going to put this simply: we all have sexual needs, and sometimes we'd just like to satisfy those needs with human connection that doesn't require the extra effort of meeting someone in person. For that, we have sexting.
Sexting is the act art of sending sexually explicit photos or messages to one or more people. And there are apps specifically for sexting as well as sexting features in apps that are otherwise for dating in person. (Several dating apps began offering more virtual services as a result of the pandemic.)
SEE ALSO: iHookup review: A straightforward dating app that delivers
Is casual sex bad for you?
Thankfully, we no longer live in a world where promiscuity is equated with witchcraft. In fact, hookups are encouraged rather than judged to hell and back, but that in itself can lead to other problems. While it's great (and way beyond time) that people are free to explore their sexuality and seek sexual gratification, it doesn't come without its drawbacks.
The hookup culture surrounding sex can be persuasive — people who might not want casual sex may feel pressured to do so due to its popularity among their peers, the anonymizing design of dating apps, or the depiction of sex in media. Those who do genuinely want sex can be subject to risks such as contracting STDs, dangerous situations, or simply bad sex.
That's not to say that good, healthy, satisfying, and fulfilling hookups don't exist, but anecdotally they can (obviously) come with more complications than sexting on an app. Sexting presents a happy middle ground between mindless porn consumption and actual human interaction. (But if you'd like to add IRL hookups to your sexual repertoire, check out our guide to the best hookup apps of 2022.)
Sexting tips
If you’re considering downloading a dating app for the purpose of sexting, it's important to remember a few basic rules. Yes, there are certainly fewer inhibitions than using a typical dating app to find a potential romantic partner, but there’s still a standard set of boundaries and rules of etiquette you should follow in order for all parties to feel at ease.
- No app can completely protect your privacy for you — that's your job. Though apps like Confide and Dust have certain features that are designed to protect your identity/content, they don't rule out all scenarios. For example, someone doesn't need to take a screenshot to capture a picture you send. They could easily just use another phone or device to snap or record whatever you send. You should always keep this in mind before sending anything that could be compromising, and do your best to make sure you trust the person who's receiving your messages.
- Assess the situation and know your audience. Usually, it doesn't take much more than a few pre-sext texts (or pre-sexts) to gauge whether or not someone is interested in doing the cyber-dirty with you. Take the time to figure that out before you lead with something raunchy and uncalled-for. AKA don't just start throwing dick pics at people left and right if they didn't ask.
- Be respectful: Privacy is sacred. The internet has the scary ability to make fleeting moments very permanent. If someone asks you to keep something to yourself, you'd better do it. While sexting can be light and fun, it also requires a serious level of trust. If you betray that trust, you're ruining it for everybody.
Sexting vs. dating in real life
Real-life dating is obviously the best way to get to know somebody long-term, especially if you're looking for any kind of serious, in-person relationship. And real sex will always be better than sexting. *However,* sexting is an alternative that may help you out in ways you didn't even think about.
Convenience: Whether you plan on actually wining and dining your date or just meeting to hook up, it always requires some extra effort. For those with super hectic schedules or those who just don't have room in their life (for whatever reason) for a steady in-person relationship, sexting is practically a saving grace. After all, your sex drive doesn't go away just because you're busy. Sexting allows you to take care of your sexual needs without putting yourself out.
Freedom: As is the case with most behind-the-screen activities, with sexting, you can let go of your inhibitions a bit and feel more comfortable exploring your sexual side knowing there's a certain barrier between you and the other person. You can experiment with language and ideas that maybe you wouldn’t feel completely comfortable exploring in person.
Safety: We've touched on the reasons why sexting might not be completely safe in terms of privacy, but to its credit, sexting offers an element of safety that in-person meetings don't. Sexting allows you to interact with both people you know and total strangers without putting yourself in dangerous or unwanted physical situations. Your experience should always be what you want it to be, and with sexting, if it's not going in the direction you want, it's just a matter of closing an app.
Exploring trust and intimacy: Getting comfortable with another person in close quarters doesn’t always come naturally for everyone — but opting for sexting gives way to a new level of exploration in terms of intimacy and trust. You don’t ever have to meet the person behind the screen if you don’t want to, but being able to practice feeling vulnerable without any strings attached can be a great lesson in being more open.
Fun: Let’s be honest for a second here. A night of sexting is always going to be a lot more fun than endlessly swiping right on a dating app and starting the same conversation over and over. Having the option of opening an app on your phone and engaging in a little virtual foreplay offers instant gratification and (almost) guaranteed pleasure.
What to look for in a sexting app
- Privacy features: What happens in a sexting app doesn’t always stay in a sexting app; there are no guarantees that your conversations or selfies won’t wind up a screenshot on someone’s phone. That said, certain apps do delete photos and conversations after a certain amount of time if you’re hoping to try to help lessen the chances of something getting leaked.
- Safety: If you’re looking for a night of no-strings-attached fun online, it doesn’t really matter all too much if the person on the other end of your conversation has been verified — but if you do want to ensure you’re not being catfished or chatting with a bot, consider an app that links social media or verifies users.
- Ease of use: You don’t want to find yourself in a hot and steamy conversation trying to figure out how to attach an image or a voice note. When it comes to sexting, the more user-friendly the platform is, the better. You’ll want something that’s efficient and fast.
- Subscription pricing versus free features: How much are you willing to pay for bells and whistles? There are many apps out there that charge a couple of dollars a month for premium features if you’re looking for something a little more catered to your interests, but just as many offer excellent free platforms.
The best dating apps for sexting
Since sexting, by nature, comes with a lot of factors to consider (consent and privacy, for example), we've picked out the best sexting apps to get you off — to a good start, that is. Our number one spot goes to Plenty of Fish for covering the most bases. Its huge pool of singles and strategic new conversation features put it at the top. For privacy-wary sexters, our favorite is Confide, which we like for their Screenshield technology. (More on that later.) Here are the best sexting apps for all your NSFW exchanges.
AdultFriendFinder
Best For Finding A Hookup
- 12 month Gold subscription: $179.40
- 12 months: $239.40 ($19.95 per month)
- 12 months of Gold: $239.40 ($19.95 per month)
- 12-month subscription: $239.40
- Basic version: Free
- Free version: Yes
- Monthly: £25.30/month
- One month: $39.95
- One month Gold subscription: $27.95
- One month of Gold: $39.95
- One year of Gold: £11.27/month
- One-month subscription: $39.95
- One-year plan: £11.37/month
- Three month Gold subscription: $59.85
- Three months: $80.85 ($26.95 per month)
- Three months of Gold: $80.85 ($26.95 per month)
- Three-month plan: £16.85/month
- Three-month subscription: $80.85
AdultFriendFinder is the best pick for finding a hookup. It's like a porn site that you can actually interact with. Regardless of whether you're looking for an in-person hookup or to blow off some steam via sexting or raunchy videos, AFF has everything you need and more.
With over 25 million monthly users (that's more than eharmony) as well as live video options, chat rooms, groups for ultra-specific kinks, and more, you can probably assume how wild this site can get. But there's such a large and diverse group of potential matches, you're very likely to find someone who's on the same page as you. The part that you wouldn't expect is the fact that they offer tons of compatibility questions and matchmaking services, because they're that intent on finding you a good lay.
Dust
Best For Anonymous Sexting
- Price: Free
The breakdown: Dust is another Snapchat-like app that focuses on disappearing messages with the addition of encryption. Though you can connect your social networks in order to see which of your contacts are also using the app, Dust doesn't require you to sign up with anything other than a username and password. Messages are never permanently stored and are all erased after 24 hours whether they have been read or not. Additionally, users can delete messages from their/other users' phones. Screenshot notifications are a thing, and like Confide, Dust will never show your name on the same page as your message, so a screenshot can never tie you directly to a bit of text.
Why it's good for sexting: Dust is theoretically totally untraceable since you don't have to use self-identifying information to sign up and nothing is ever permanently stored. However, even the most careful sexters have slip-ups and may reveal too much, which is why the "delete message" feature is great.
Downsides: Dust actually does prevent screenshots in some spaces on the app (like messaging), but only on Android. But for other operating systems: anyone can still screenshot what you send, so keep that in mind.
Confide
Best If You're Not Joking About Privacy
- Basic membership: Free
- Confide Plus (premium features): $4.99/month
- Confide Pro (businesses and teams): $15/month
The breakdown: Confide was created based on the idea that your online conversations should be as private as your in-person conversations. According to the site, Confide's goal is to allow users to have "honest, unfiltered, off-the-record conversations." It focuses heavily on the "no screenshot" factor. Using "Screenshield technology," all messages sent and received on Confide can only be read one line at a time. To read, users either run their finger or mouse over the message line-by-line until they have read the entire thing (lines will disappear pretty much immediately after they are read). Confide will also never show a user's name on the same screen as the message.
Why it's good for sexting: Nothing quite knocks the libido out of you like finding out your private messages have been screenshot and shared against your will. While a screenshot "notification" might be better than no notification at all, we're pretty sure you'd rather the screenshot just not exist. Confide is your saving grace in that respect, since a screenshot of one line of a sext without your name attached isn't likely to be very incriminating.
Plenty of Fish
Best For Making A Connection
- 12 months of POF Premium : $10 per month
- 12 months of Premium: $119.99 ($10 per month)
- App and web version: Yes
- Basic membership: Free
- Eight months Premium: $79.99
- Four months Premium: $51
- Free version: Yes
- Six months of POF Premium : $15 per month
- Six months of Premium: $89.99 ($15 per month)
- Three months of POF Premium : $20 per month
- Three months of Premium: $59.99 ($20 per month)
- Two months Premium: $38.99
The breakdown: Plenty of Fish really has all the makings of a great sexting app. First of all, its reported registered user base is over 150 million worldwide, with 57 million connections made every week. Like its name would suggest, there are plenty of fish in this sea, and odds are, some of them are looking to sext. To conveniently narrow your search, the dating app's (somewhat long) introductory survey allows you to specify what you're looking for upfront. When you choose "something casual/no commitment," you're much more likely to find someone in the same boat as you and can shorten the whole "what are you looking for" step of getting to know someone. Discretion is also something to be valued at Plenty of Fish, since they don't require you to connect any social media when signing up. Technically, you don't even have to use your real name — a username will suffice. Once your profile is created, you can search random profiles based on the criteria of your choice, use their UltraMatch feature which matches you based on compatibility, their “meet me” feature, which is basically the dating site's hot or not option, or just see who’s nearby. All communication between members is totally free, so you don't have much to lose.
Why it's good for sexting: Plenty of Fish rolled out some new features in 2020 that definitely upped its sexting potential. Users can now date over video and even live stream to a group. This lets users get more personal by seeing and even hearing each other in real time (which, let's face it, can be a lot hotter than words on a screen) without having to fork over their phone number.
Cons: Aside from a lengthy sign-up process, some of the features on Plenty of Fish are designed to encourage longer interactions. We imagine few things are worse than realising you don’t even vibe with someone after you’ve already sent them mirror shots of your private bits.
Snapchat
Best For Familiarity
- Price: Free
The breakdown: Snapchat has moved its way up the app food chain to become a staple in the mainstream social media roster, putting it on the same plane as Facebook and Instagram. But we haven’t forgotten its early roots, stepping into the spotlight as the OG sexting app.
You can add all the filters and celebrity stories you want, but Snapchat is still a great sexting app. The app’s main original function enables you to send pictures to other users which will automatically disappear within a few seconds. Users can choose a time limit of 1-10 seconds, or choose the infinity option which lets the recipient view the photo for as long as they want before they close out of the window. Additionally, the app also has a feature that notifies the sender if the recipient screenshots their photo. What that means: you can send bae a brief glimpse of the goods without worrying if they’re secretly showing it to others behind your back.
Why it's good for sexting: The more people are in a space, the more chances you have to find what you’re looking for.
Cons: While the screenshot notification gives you the benefit of knowing when someone screenshots your pictures, it doesn’t really do much for you after the fact, since all you can really do at that point is confront the person and hope they’re respectful of your privacy.
Tinder
Best For A Casual Relationship
- 12 months of Tinder Gold: $99.99 ($8.33 per month)
- 12 months of Tinder Platinum: $119.99 ($10 per month)
- 12 months of Tinder Plus: $31.99 ($2.67 per month)
- Basic account: Free
- Free version: Yes
- One month of Tinder Gold: $36
- One month of Tinder Platinum: $45
- One month of Tinder Plus: $7.99
- One month of Tinder+: $22.48
- One week of Tinder+: $12.99
- One year of Tinder Gold: $119.99 ($10 per month)
- One year of Tinder Platinum: $119.99 ($10 per month)
- One year of Tinder Plus: $31.99 ($2.67 per month)
- Six months of Tinder Gold: $126 ($21 per month)
- Six months of Tinder Platinum: $162 ($27 per month)
- Six months of Tinder Plus: $29.99 ($5 per month)
- Six months of Tinder+: $90 ($15 per month)
- Three months of Tinder Platinum: $59.99 ($20 per month)
- Three months of Tinder Plus: $15.99 ($5.33 per month)
- Tinder Gold: $29.99 per month
- Tinder Platinum: $39.99 per month
- Tinder Plus: $9.99 per month
Tinder might seem like the last place to find a date if you're over 40. It's known for being a hookup app for younger people, but lots of older daters have had success with Tinder. So, it is not hopeless.
Tinder boasts that it sparks more than 26 million matches per day. It's the original swiping app, showing you profiles that you can either swipe right to like or left to pass. If you and another user both swipe right on each other, it's a match and you're free to message each other.
Profiles are pretty basic with just some photos and a bio, so it's easy to see why Tinder isn't immediately recognised as a serious relationship matchmaker. That said, it's definitely still possible to find people who aren't just looking to hook up. It's also pretty easy to find someone who is looking to hook up if that's what you're looking for. Do what you want and live your life.
The app has two paid tiers: Tinder Plus and Tinder Gold. Plus gives you unlimited likes, five super likes a day, one boost a month, removes ads, and lets you backtrack on your last swipe if you accidentally swiped left on someone you were interested in. Tinder Gold has all of these features plus you can see who likes you before you have to swipe on them and you get top picks every day from your most swipe-worthy potential matches.
The disappointing thing about Tinder is that these premium features cost more for users over 30.
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