(munching on pretzels)

Hey! I'm -- ah, these pretzels suck.
So, I’m Handsome Jack.
President and CEO of Hyperion.
My day? It's been pretty good so far.
Hard work being this great.
Ahaha!! No, it’s not... Ahaha!!

Man, I’m so rich -- I once bought
a pony made of diamonds.
True Story! It's not even a sculpture, or anything.
It's a living horse. I'll just go get her. Butt Stallion!
(horse whinnies) Butt Stallion says hello.

Considering that you still reading this,
I should probably clarify something here.
It’s cute that y'all think, you’re the heroes
of this little adventure, but -- you’re not.
You’re bandits. You’re the bad guys.
And I...am the ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hero.

Something, something, hero stuff.
Something, something, I’m attractive.

Since I got this off my heart,
I started feelin’ a little bit more... handsome!
So, if you could just do me a favor
and kill yourself, that’d be great.
Thanks, pumpkin! ;D

HAIL TO THE KING, BABY!

Handsome ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Jack



P.S.
Before I forget.
Shoot for the moon! Even if you miss, you'll...
something, something, STARS!
And then you probably die in space.

Oh, It’s so good to be me!
'kay, bye.

H. J. <3
XXX