Merry Christmas, let us remember the crusaders who in 1097 had to endure Christmas outside the walls of Antioch with no food or shelter.
Thank you Bohemond, Goudfrey, Baldwin and Raymound for crushing the muslims. And thanks to Peter the Hermit as well, the Genoese and venetian traders who supplied them as well as the Italians who selflessly dismantled their ships to construct siege weapons to finally take the holy city of Jerusalem.
Amen.

Merry Christmas baby! <3

Hey, I'd be interested in buying one of your items, would appreciate it if you could add me

Merry Christmas, you filthy animal!

Hello M'lady *tips fedora*. I was just riding my classy powerchair through your steam page and noticed your beautiful anime features. Message me on reddit (u/IncredibleAtheistIntellectual) and we can talk about feminism or fundies! You could possibly be my next waifu :O if you are up to the challenge of serving my every need (because I am a nice guy).

Best Wishes,
u/IncredibleAthiestIntellectual

P.S. sorry for any typos, my keyboard is slightly stiff from cheeto dust and neckbear hairs.

Hello m'lady, I am willing to pay for your balloon swallowing services, if the services extend to items similar in shape and smaller in size of the original item, and if you are willing to leave out the part where you stab the end with a needle.

If you are interested in this offer, you can find me at r/gonewild on Reddit, where I am Head Chairman and a prestigious level 127 Admin, with over 20,000 karma points, accumulated over the span of 45 years.

I am willing to pay for travel expenses to my mother's residence for you, where I have my own room in which you could perform your services.

I am well trained in the art of Yuo-kwan-hai so you need not fear m'lady, I will protect you forever.

Yours truly,
-Ragestew (24,543 karma and level 340 on Runescape, with all skills maxed out and the next 12 months of premium membership already paid)