Recent reviews by bread man

i bought this game and expected a quick fap. but this game was so visceral, it inspired me to break out the pen and write to an old childhood friend:

dear friend,
it has been several eons since our last discourse
life has got me down bad
buying hentai games on steam to dull the pain
of waking up every morning to the lonely side of my bed
my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ bleeding from the taco bell i consumed
my cheeks clapped like a thunderdome in the night
the white porclain, the ♥♥♥♥-stained toilet seat
please rescue me from my troubles
for i am no longer a whole man,
but a man who dreams of taco bell, waifus, and bread

- bread man

i bought this game and expected a quick fap. but this game was so visceral, it inspired me to break out the pen and write to an old childhood friend:

dear friend,
it has been several eons since our last discourse
life has got me down bad
buying hentai games on steam to dull the pain
of waking up every morning to the lonely side of my bed
my ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ bleeding from the taco bell i consumed
my cheeks clapped like a thunderdome in the night
the white porclain, the ♥♥♥♥-stained toilet seat
please rescue me from my troubles
for i am no longer a whole man,
but a man who dreams of taco bell, waifus, and bread

- bread man

chaos.

(Review text hidden)

So for those who find themselves coming back, I am afraid to be the bearer of bad news. The avatar project has been completed in the form of a launcher by 2k Games. Yes, you heard that right. No one wanted this. It's known to break mods, and make the process of playing a little more troublesome. Yes, you already use steam to launch all of your games. No, Publishers still haven't learned that no one likes launchers nor DRM services. We made it clear with Games for WIndows Live. We made it clear with Gamespy. It failed before. It will fail again.

The Chosen may have been defeated, but now we face a new enemy: the publishers. We must retaliate. Humanity shall prevail once more.

Rather than merely criticize the game, I'd like to point out my observations from the first several minutes. I will update this review as I spend more time playing. I wish Steam had more options that weren't "yes or no", because recommending a game is difficult and sometimes the answer is in-between.

From the get-go, it's clear that the game has moved from the traditional pixel-art look to a more modern 3D look. Whether or not the game looks better (from an artistic standpoint) is debatable. The pixelated look gave it a unique appearance but offered less visual fidelity. The new look, while offering more fidelity, also looks rather generic if compared to other titles in the genre.

In the previous game, the ultimate goal remained the same; survive. But with the addition of a family, I felt there was more emotional incentive and an obligation to protect them. While I like the faction system here and I appreciate the thought put into it, I simply do not feel an obligation to protect my faction when we can't even begin to develop these characters in a meaningful way. What is their backstory or connection to my leader? If this is an "RPG", why can't I roleplay as a lone survivor rather than deal with the baggage that comes with babysitting other survivors? Why are there no more than three types of bottoms by which we can customize each character- two of them being pants and one of them being shorts? If our characters cannot be defined by the backgrounds we set for them, we might try to define them by appearance.

In life we are often led to believe that clothes & appearance can represent someone's personality, and if the means by which we can define them are limited- then our characters become no different from eachother. Each person seems generic, regardless of said backstory you have created for them. There is also the idea of wish fulfillment to consider. In games that offer various forms of customization, such as VRChat, the idea is that many people will enjoy making something based on what best represents their self-image. Much like some prefer to using face filters, because they feel this best represents their perceived image as a whole. There is a reason we see so many people creating these flawless, big-tiddied characters more than we see overweight characters. Because it doesn't represent what is closest to our reality and it sets us apart from others. Even if the truth is that we are all very depressed and fat on the inside. I'm not afraid to admit I just took a massive dukie after eating taco bell. Everytime I eat tacos I warn people to clear the room in 5 minutes. I want people to know how much I like tacos, but I don't want anyone to see just how much I like tacos. There is nothing wrong with this, it's just how we like to play our games.

• When I started playing, I had this idea of advancing the story, as one of the children which survived the first game. But the lack of customization options made it difficult to represent those characters in the way that I wanted to. The face presets are perhaps the absolute worst I've seen in recent years. The shape of the chin, the nose and the eyes looks like someone hit the face randomizer in Elder Scrolls Oblivion and now my fellow comrades look like a hobgoblin from the 4th realm. It is clear from other reviews that people would like to see more options. Perhaps a slider that allows players to select the dimensions of said options.
  
• Another persistent annoyance for me was the constant pop-up, everytime someone collected an item. Rather than being forced to tap "Okay", perhaps it could give us a log in the top left corner. It wouldn't interrupt gameplay, and the user could glance over to see the last ten items that "X" found. (X being the person who found it.) Or highlight the character to let us know who found something.
  
  I will add more suggestions later. I hope this helps.

Bioshock Infinite just might be one of the greatest games of all time. To this day it is hard to believe it released 8 years ago. Playing this again was a real nostalgia trip.

To this day Dead Space 2 remains arguably the best in the series. Or at least, the one that was released in a time when modern video games didn't suck. A time when we weren't bombarded with microtransactions or forced to use two separate launchers to play a game. This one had the perfect balance between action-horror and psychological horror. Gameplay and controls were a step up from the first entry, but didn't drift far from aspects that made the first game so enjoyable.

If you're looking for psychological horror, play the original Dead Space- but beware of an invisible doorway early on that prevents you from progressing (unless you have in-game VSync turned on. Turn off G-Sync if you have it. Then once you get past the bug, you can play the rest of the game with the in-game VSync off.)

If you're looking for a mix of action & survival horror, check out Dead Space 2 if you haven't. Origin isn't required to play offline. It has multiplayer, allowing your friends to play as a Necromorph, though I doubt many are still active. You need an EA account to play online however.

If you're looking for a heavier focus on story and action, check out Dead Space 3. Co-op support is available, although the Origin launcher is required to purchase the game. There's some extra content for it, all of which are handled through Origin. As EA used to say, "it's in the game." These days I think, it's in the game, but only if you have the wallet for it.

Visceral Games deserved better.

Why Halo Has Changed

In confirmed news, Halo Infinite will be Master Chief's last "standalone" story for 10 years.
Halo Infinite is a good game at it's core, but flawed.

343 has come a long way from Halo 4 ~9 years ago. Chief's classic armor has returned, replacing that awful redesign thanks to nanobots of course. Infinite has an open-world spin to it, but lacks variation. In Infinite, side missions are varied, not necessary to progress the story but still boil down to that repetitive aspect you can expect from most open-world games. The grappleshot is a neat feature. The upgrade system is simple, and not forced onto you. The game offers some degree of challenge. Mission lists are gone, so if you want to replay parts of the game, you need to start a new game. Overall, Infinite isn't a bad game. But it leaves much to be desired.

On one hand, making multiplayer free-to-play was a good choice. It's there for those who don't care much for Campaign, but also an option for those who are interested in either. But as a result we had:

• 11 maps on launch. This is roughly the same as previous games, but somehow feels like less. If the OG fans still remember, Halo Reach had roughly 10 maps at launch. But Bungie realized that instead of creating new maps for multiple playlists, they could create one big map (i.e. Forge World), then from that, create map variants that took place in different parts of the map. So it was essentially the one large sandbox map, but optimized for different & custom playlists. FileShare was perfect, it allowed us to create/upload maps, custom playlist variants for people to play. The range of options were great. This worked in tandem with Forge mode.
  
• Theater mode. In 2007, Theater Mode was introduced as a relatively simple, easy to use concept. Shows like Arby n The Chief were born as a result. Red vs Blue Season 10 was made in theater mode. In Infinite, it's not unusable - but it is mildly frustrating. I'm not sure how you guys can mess up a mode that worked so well for 14 years. New engine, so perhaps these things are a given. Surely this will be fixed in more updates to come.
  
• No forge mode. But it's coming. In September.
  
• No split-screen. Alright, fine. I'm in my 20s, Most of my friends are either pregnant by now, locked up for selling yugioh cards on the black market, or they live in another state and have a family. As a result of these things, I feel much older than I am. High-speed internet is faster than it's ever been. My days of couch-gaming have ended, and they were a joy. I can accept no split-screen support. It is from a time we all took for granted.
  
• No Co-op support on launch. What The ♥♥♥♥? Are you serious? Half a billion dollars spent towards Halo Infinite, after all the delays, all the waiting for six years, somehow it feels as though we have LESS. Bungie made this with nothing but a pile of scraps!
  
• Fewer playlists on launch. More have been added recently, that's good. Creating custom playlists is still a problem. Those range of options we used to have are fewer and far in between.

The open-world aspect is what I expected. A big open landscape, plenty of things to explore, with the option of doing side-missions. Side missions are exactly what you'd expect from any open world game. You either love them, or don't. There are caches you can discover that give you upgrade points to buy upgrades. There are points marked on the map where you can rescue marines. You can also capture FOBs, all of which you can fast travel between to save time. FOBs offer a range of vehicles and weapons that can be unlocked through the coarse of the game. There are four weapon crates which is completely pointless to have more than one. It's a small reminder of the 4-player coop we expected to have on launch.

While the world has many acres of grass, etching across its' many valleys, the environment feels static and artificial. At first I tried to gaslight myself by making up some lore excuse that was believable: The game has place on a ring, created by the forerunners. But then it hit me again. Halo 3 took place on a ring, and felt far more natural. It had snow, it had green luscious forestry, and urban sections that were reminiscent of places that were real to us. Off-road segments, concrete barriers. But in Infinite, these environments lack a certain attention to detail.

In Infinite, not even the trees ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ move son. At a point in the campaign, I found myself running through these long corridors, where it looked like a fight was going to start or enemies would spawn. There'd be some explosive barrels here and there. But instead it was... nothing. These areas seemed unfinished. As for the outer areas of the map, you can explore the edges to your heart's content but aside from skulls, there isn't much to actually do. Ships can be seen in the distance, never moving from their position. It all feels static. But what I like most is the quiet moments. It's when you really gaze into the abyss, that you're able to reflect on what things could've been like if the game had more time in the oven. What I will ask is while the E3 2018 trailer showed us deer and big mammoths, why aren't these animals in the game? Took me 4 months to notice.

Some parts of the story were enjoyable. Plenty of good action sequences. The opening cutscene was great. I remember those debates between Chief & Atriox going in ~2012 on the Halo Wars forum. The disappointing part is that there is no conclusion. The opening cutscene eludes to this big battle, but we never see it happen.

Cortana is killed off-screen. Yeah. A fan-favorite character of the last twenty years, and you completely ♥♥♥♥♥♥ it up. Over the course of several games, we witness a character change in personality and become rampant as a result of a virus that originated with the Gravemind, only being further driven to insanity by her aging. And yet all of a sudden, she becomes good, and decides to sacrifice herself in a heroic act to save Chief and stop Atriox somehow? It defeats the whole point of The Weapon.

Yeah, i'm calling ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥. In the last game, we were led to believe there was going to be a fallout between Chief and Spartan Locke. Technically it did happen, but not as we were shown. You once again misled us in the 2018 trailer, by showing out-of-context footage that implied fans were going to see Chief reunite with Cortana. Technically it did happen, but not as we were shown.

I'm almost thankful Arbiter didn't return, because if he did, 343 would've likely killed him off too. I was hoping the presence of Blue Team would be more established, for that bond to fully grow on me. Don't worry, I'm sure there's an audio log for that somewhere.

Character relationships were handled differently back then. Chief's relationship with Arbiter/Sgt Johnson was special because it was built over the course of several games. Here, where the threat is more prevalent than ever, Blue Team's presence would have been necessary. An all-out war among the oldest, and greatest Spartan warriors.


If Halo 5 was the camel that broke half the fanbase' backs, then Halo Infinite is the bridge that tries to bring everyone together - both casual and competitive players. There's stuff to appreciate, but it's missing things that make you upset it wasn't considered. It had fun moments, but moments that would've been more fun with friends. The story does try to make you feel something, but by the end it left me with a hollow feeling. Gameplay and bugs can be fixed over time. What's happened here in the story is permanent. That's something you can't write off so easily.

burger