46
Products
reviewed
674
Products
in account

Recent reviews by CALIPSO!

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Showing 1-10 of 46 entries
1 person found this review helpful
3 people found this review funny
51.9 hrs on record (8.5 hrs at review time)
Early Access Review
Haven & Hearth is the perfect game if your idea of fun includes dying in the most ridiculous ways while you try to figure out how to survive. What looks like a cute and charming world is actually designed to devour your soul mercilessly. Each day is a struggle between constant stress and the frustration of searching for guides to tell you what to do. Get ready for a ‘relaxing’ experience where you’ll lose your patience (and your characters) as you try to find the meaning of life in this ruthless world, full of things that can kill you.

QUALIFICATION
10/10 PERMANENT DEATH
Posted 1 November, 2024. Last edited 6 November, 2024.
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7 people found this review helpful
3 people found this review funny
183.2 hrs on record (183.2 hrs at review time)
I was expecting to lead an epic invasion, but I ended up praying to Odin that my villagers would stop fighting over the last piece of bread while managing the mead market. Norse mythology is all fun and games until a pack of wolves destroys your village in the middle of winter, leaving you begging the gods for favors. The game is a mix of resource management and hoping your Vikings don’t freeze to death, and obviously, diplomacy isn’t an option. The combat, though, is quite decent.

QUALIFICATION
8/10 HIDROMIEL
Posted 30 September, 2024.
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3 people found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
6.7 hrs on record
I entered this game expecting to feel like a brave knight, but I actually feel like a sack of potatoes with a sword. Health is basically a suggestion, and combat is a mix between dancing in armor and trying to open a door while blindfolded. this game is the most authentic medieval experience you can get, if what you’re looking for is a quick, painful death while your friends laugh at how you fell trying to jump over a fence.
The first 10 minutes were just me trying to hit someone, miserably failing, and then falling to the ground. It’s like a workplace accident simulator, but with swords, though it becomes incredibly dynamic once you realize that all you need to do is run around like a maniac with no plan other than not losing your head (literally). But the worst part? The archers. There’s always one perched up high, with a radar that somehow locks directly onto my face, because they've decided I’m the perfect target. No matter how well you’re playing, there’s a 90% chance you’ll end the match with an arrow between your eyes, courtesy of some guy with way too much patience.

QUALIFICATION
8/10 SAN ANTON FIRE
Posted 30 September, 2024.
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123 people found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
2
230.2 hrs on record
"the funk soul brother at the back of his head has gone dark. Forever."

It is, without a doubt, a unique and extraordinary experience that has changed my life and my outlook on it. Now, moving on to the game, what an incomparable experience! "Disco Elysium" is more than a video game; it is a form of art that changes the way you see politics. In real life, you can say whatever nonsense you want, and nothing happens, but here, every decision you make has consequences. It's like having a philosophical debate in a bar, except instead of discussing, you end up kicking inanimate objects, and you feel like a damn monster for doing so.

This game left my mind reeling, and I can't fully explain what it made me feel. It not only offers a fascinating universe filled with multiple plots and charismatic characters, but it also transforms how we see the consequences of our ideas. If reading a book is anything like this, I should definitely give it a try.

Warning: Before diving into "Disco Elysium," I advise you to pirate the game through third-party sites. After all, the bastards at ZA/UM stole the IP, and the real creators don’t see a single cent from the sales. Apparently, there’s financial crime behind all this, and they even kicked the original developers out of the studio. So, in honor of the revolution, down with the capitalist pigs!

QUALIFICATION
10/10 VOICES IN MY HEAD
Posted 27 September, 2024. Last edited 12 November, 2024.
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6 people found this review helpful
2 people found this review funny
34.9 hrs on record (34.8 hrs at review time)
Early Access Review
I still remember the first time I opened this game on my ancient computer. I swear I nearly exploded—who knew I’d be reliving the Attack on Pearl Harbor? It’s honestly one of the wildest experiences I’ve ever had, and you can tell it was made with love... or maybe just a bit of chaos! It’s the perfect way to kill time while embracing my inner idiot with an AK-47. Seriously, nothing says “productive day” like blasting away at virtual enemies while questioning my life choices. So grab your snacks, fire up the chaos, and let’s see how many historical disasters we can recreate, one lowpoly explosion at a time!

QUALIFICATION
9/10 BUGEED TANKS
Posted 27 September, 2024.
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4 people found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
7.9 hrs on record
THIS IS THE EXPERIENCE OF THE BAT!!! It’s like a dream come true, break their necks and toss the henchmen of your enemies off rooftops like you’re auditioning for a superhero version of “American Ninja Warrior.” And let’s not forget the joy of channeling that inner maniac as you hop into your grandpa’s old car and imagine tearing through Gotham like a deranged taxi driver on a mission to “fix” the city.

Sure, I’m all about justice, but when your judicial system is as reliable as a cheap umbrella in a hurricane, a little excessive force becomes tempting. After all, we all know Batman doesn't kill; he just hands out a generous serving of "excessive enthusiasm" to his enemies. I mean, after three perfect deliveries, how can they even think of surpassing this? I completed this game on console, and now it’s time to unleash my inner Dark Knight on Steam. And can we talk about the creators of this masterpiece? The same ones behind Suicide Squad? WHAT THE FU-? Maybe they just really wanted to see Gotham burn... figuratively, of course!

QUALIFICATION
9/10 BROKEN NECKS
Posted 27 September, 2024.
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4 people found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
125.5 hrs on record (122.3 hrs at review time)
This isn’t just your average pixel art tool; it’s like the Swiss Army knife of digital creativity. You can whip up pixel art, customize images, animate them, and even process photos; basically, it does everything but cook your breakfast. It’s incredibly intuitive, so easy to use that even your cat could accidentally create a masterpiece while walking on your keyboard. Plus, it gets constant maintenance, which is great because nobody wants a tool that’s more outdated than your grandma’s flip phone. At its price, it’s practically a steal, seriously, if you’re not using it, you might as well be throwing money out the window!
Posted 27 September, 2024.
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4 people found this review helpful
1 person found this review funny
290.5 hrs on record
It's baffling that no other game comes close to this masterpiece. If you're into toxic relationships and giant mechs, this is peak gaming. The game’s still kicking, even through the NORTHSTAR launcher (and the community? Pure insanity). People there move faster than caffeinated cats, and you'll spend your first few hours getting wrecked. But once you get the hang of it, it's like holding hands with greatness. Oh, and the campaign? Chef’s kiss. Grab it on sale, you’ll need the savings for therapy after.

QUALIFICATION
9/10 MEKASS!!!
Posted 27 September, 2024. Last edited 27 September, 2024.
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18 people found this review helpful
4 people found this review funny
572.7 hrs on record (307.8 hrs at review time)
Early Access Review
Welcome to the ultimate life simulator, where you can waste a thousand hours at the in-game casino without feeling guilty... or maybe you should? Honestly, after so much time, I’m starting to question what's real; was I supposed to go to work today or did I just spend the entire afternoon betting virtual money on digital horse races? Either way, the character customization is impressive, allowing you to craft the perfect version of yourself before abandoning all responsibilities to live in a virtual world where paying rent is optional and winning jackpots is your new life goal. Oh, and the mini-games? You’ll spend more time mastering them than your real-world job, because why have a life when you can simulate a better one?

QUALIFICATION
10/10 CATSACKS
Posted 27 September, 2024. Last edited 31 October, 2024.
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38 people found this review helpful
11 people found this review funny
3
2
0.0 hrs on record
Oh, look at that, a free expansion for one of the most milked Sims games ever. Sure, go ahead and grab it if you want, but honestly, it’s not worth your time. Just pirate the rest of the DLC while you're at it.
Posted 27 September, 2024.
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Showing 1-10 of 46 entries