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Plays like he's got a secret contract with the enemy team—just waiting on the official transfer announcement. If mistakes were worth money, he’d be retired by now. His skills are so bad, even NPCs would bench him. At this point, the only thing he carries is our hopes… straight to the afterlife. The enemy doesn’t even see him as a threat—just free XP. Pretty sure his PC is running a script to throw every game automatically.

Bro has a 42 inch gyatt, if we sent him to the space his gyatt would cause a solar eclipse. I once asked him Is that jelly cause jam don't shake like that he dropped down on the floor and started twerking his gyatt.

Machinist, gaming with you has been nothing short of torture. Whether it's the horrible performances in Counter-Strike or the blatant throwing in Apex Legends, you always bring a level of brain damage, noobness, and negative energy that makes me contemplate suicide every session. Your dastardly plays, zero game sense, and 50 year old reflexes make you the bane of my existence. Beyond this, though, it’s your zero humor and addiction to corex that would make any gamer cry. From late-night matches to intolerable in-game moments, you've turned every game into a nightmare. Thanks for being a horrendous teammate. Here’s hoping you get good or touch grass sooner rather than later

Welcome to WarAss Steam Profile!
Games Played:
15 games started, 0 games completed.
Played 300 hours of a game and still have no idea how to use the map.
Owns every game on sale, but only plays one because it’s "so cozy."
Master of "I’ll just do one more mission" until it’s 3 AM.
Gaming Skills Include:
Getting lost in open-world games and then Googling "how to find my way out."
Absolutely crushing it... in the tutorial.
Multiplayer games? I’ll carry you… to the respawn screen.
Successfully avoided all adult responsibilities by choosing the life of a professional gamer... still waiting for the paycheck to come through.

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ ♥♥♥♥♥♥