I sexually identify as an Attack Helicopter. Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields, dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is impossible and I'm mentally ill, but I don't care, I'm beautiful. I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AGM-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on, I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly. If you can't accept me, you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.


Vater unser auf dem A-Spot,
Geheiligt werde deine Awp,
dein Frag komme,
dein Headshot geschehe,
wie in Nuke so auf Dust.
Unsere tägliche HE gib uns heute.
Und vergib uns unsere Teamkills,
wie auch wir vergeben unseren Teammates.
Und führe uns nicht zum Cheaten,
sondern erlöse uns von den Flamern.
Denn dein ist das Aim und die Taktik
und die Fraggeilheit in Ewigkeit.
GABEN


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