Recent reviews by julča♡

Hide and seek is something we’re all familiar with—it’s probably one of the games everyone plays at least once in their childhood. Witch It doesn’t need much explanation in that way: it’s hide and seek, in video game form. But as a video game, Witch It has its own take on the game.

Witch It! Is a multiplayer video game of hide and seek where you take the role of the sneaky witch, or the witch hunters. It’s a relatively simple game with a surprising amount of skill involved. You won’t be able to rely on twitch-based skill, but rather—cleverness. In Witch It the witches don’t hide inside or behind objects, they become the objects. As a hunter, you have to check every detail in the the cluttered arenas to try to sort out the mundane objects from the players.

You’ll start each match either as a witch or a hunter. As a witch, you’ll have a set time before each match to find a suitable hiding space. Each of the levels are cluttered with props you can turn into. But you won’t be able to stay stationary for too long: hunters will close in on you. You can hope for the best, or try to sneak away while they have their back turned. Of course, an object that is moving on its own is a dead giveaway for a hiding witch. Witches don’t just hide, though. They can fly, drop decoys of themselves, throw toxic mushrooms to stun hunters and more. The more you play, the more skills unlock. If you are found and defeated, your game isn’t over—instead, you turn into a hunter to finish hunting down the remaining witches.

Playing as a hunter is not as fun as hiding as a witch, but it’s low pressure. They don’t have magic, but instead physical prowess. Hurl pumpkins as your default attack—and you’ll be doing it a lot, as you attack every item in search of pesky witches. You can also throw chickens that will alert you to nearby witches. The more you play, the more tools you’ll have at your disposal, like magic blockers that stop magic in a certain area, or the vacuum trap that sucks objects in—and exposes them as witches if they get sucked in. Hunters can also eventually roll around the arenas as balls, smashing through props.

Witch It is competitive multiplayer, but it feels like wholesome fun—mostly. Unfortunately, it does seem to have a cheater problem. I don’t like to say a game is ruined by cheaters, but I feel like Witch It is compromised in some way. Either that, or some of the hunters are supernaturally good. I’ve hidden cleverly (or so I thought) amongst clutter, only for a single hunter to walk into the area and start shooting me specifically—without even checking other nearby items. It’s frustrating that every other game seems to end with a hunter zeroing in on me immediately. That may just be my saltiness talking, as I have no proof—but I’m not the only one making this accusation. Some of the reviews on the Steam store page mentioned this same phenomenon. Maybe hunters just get that good, and memorize prop locations—but there are just so many maps, I don’t find that believable.

There are over fifteen official maps to play on—which is a good amount. Each map is filled with props to hide in, and is differently themed. You’re not stuck hiding and seeking in spooky towns, but all sorts of colorful locations—like a desert island, or a winter-themed village. One of my most successful rounds was on an island—someone flung a large amount of props into the water and—playing as a witch—I transformed into flotsam and finished out the round.

Witch It is an interesting game, with an active community. There aren’t many servers currently active in the US, but the EU servers are hoppin’, and have people playing on them every time I’m not. It’s not the most populated game, but there are at least three or four full servers every time I looked. These types of games live and die by an active community, and it’s good to see that this one has remained so.

I enjoyed my time with Witch It. It doesn’t have the staying power as some other multiplayer titles I’ve played recently, but it’s definitely a fun game. Finding the perfect hiding place, and dynamically adjusting yourself to be away from hunters is thrilling. Playing as a hunter is a little less thrilling, but it was never boring—especially since rounds end quickly, and you can just jump into the next game of hide and seek if you don’t like the current one.

There is no way to ♥♥♥♥♥foot around it, Genital Jousting is a game about disembodied penises and balls that have a butthole attached right between them, all presented with ultra realistic physics. It took the internet by storm when it soft launched on Steam Early Access in November of 2016 as a strictly multiplayer affair, but now, a year and two months later, the complete package is being unleashed along with a surprisingly touching story mode that tackles toxic masculinity.

The all-new story mode isn’t a very lengthy affair, lasting about an hour and a half, but it left me feeling more than satisfied. In it, you play as John, an average working man that is actively seeking a date for his quickly approaching high school reunion. A fully voiced narrator does a great job commentating over the entirety of the story, and she helps convey John’s feelings, and motivations all while making a lot of penis puns and innuendos.

At first, things are light-hearted and comical. You’ve got to get John ready for work by showering, putting on clothes, and throwing away some leftovers before catching the bus. This is all done by swapping between controlling both ends of John and wriggling about. Touching things with John’s head causes them to stick to him, thus allowing them to be moved around to complete simple objectives presented on the screen as checkboxes, or following the narrator’s instructions.

None of the story mode’s gameplay is all that hard, much like John, but many will surely find the narrative difficult to swallow. It quickly becomes a tale of John’s toxic masculinity and everything that comes along with it, from how he treats and acts around other men, to how he objectifies women, and lashes out when he doesn’t get his way. Easily the most well-written cautionary tale on the subject I’ve ever seen in a video game, which will surely make Genital Jousting controversial for other reasons than the obvious.

I think it is important to say that Genital Jousting does a great job of tackling consent. You’re asking for consent when starting a multiplayer game, and in the story mode, you can’t forcefully insert yourself in others. That said, there is a moment in story mode that I interpreted as a character sexually assaulting another, which while shocking I felt fit the narrative quite well. The events after the assault, however, make me uncomfortable as its quickly swept under the rug as if it isn’t a big deal. I can’t go into much more detail without getting into spoiler territory, but just know I find some of the story to be problematic.

The main meat of the game, however, is the multiplayer modes that allow up to 8 players to play together locally or online. Modes include a Party Mode that randomly shuffles from a varied selection of Mario Party-like mini-games including volleyball, soccer, competitive car washing, wrestling, racing, and swallowing pills with your butt, and so forth. Traditional Mode has players attempting to wriggle their head into others anuses to score points, and Date Mode is specifically designed with two players working together to complete mini-games in mind. There are tons of unlockable costumes to earn by simply by playing multiplayer matches, so there is a sense of progression and customization for those that seek it.

Genital Jousting is a pleasurable and girthy package with loads of fun mini-games to play with your friends that includes a short, funny yet impactful story mode that dares to touch on subjects other games won’t that will surely arouse some controversy. No need to beat around the bush, this one is rock solid.