We’re back with the music video about a game studio that brought us a variety of classics, but never released any game with number 3 in its name — VALVE. The company behind Half-Life, Portal, Counter-Strike, Team Fortress, Left 4 Dead, DOTA 2 and much more.
ELLEN MCLAIN, the original voice of GLaDOS from “Portal” and “Portal 2”, agreed to sing the part of everyone's favourite mad robot.
THE STUPENDIUM, the amazing nerdcore artist who you know and love, performed the Gabe Newell’s part!
And finally, we got Valve’s CEO, GABE NEWELL himself, to record a couple of lines for the beginning and the end of the song!
lyrics
Gabe:
Is this what you’ve been waiting for?
Say "One, two.."
"..and four"!
Turrets:
You’re bound to count to one, two..
You’re bound to count to one, two..
You’re bound to count to one, two..
Guess what comes after..
Gabe:
Hi again, I’m Gabe N.,
A fan of shooters, wizard of computers
And a handsome man!
Turrets:
Your grandfather used to blather
‘bout him a thousand years ago.
Gabe:
Wasn’t easy keeping busy
Every season brings another reason not to make a game!
Scanners:
Oh, why bother, just another
Wasted day in the studio..
Gabe:
I had it all but tried new things, true,
It didn’t get us very far:
Between controllers and machines you
Still picked a rusty ol’ crowbar!
Nobody sees beyond my charming self
A soul, that’s never truly free,
So, just for once, forget the summer sale
And give it up for Half-Life..
..Alyx
Alyx:
The valve’s been stuck corroded by the money,
Has not been oiled for years,
We didn’t even hope to see it running -
But now you’re bound to learn how to,
But now you’re bound to learn how to,
This time you’re bound to count to
Three!
Turrets:
Guess what’s coming after..
GLaDOS:
Well, here we are again,
Except we’re long forgotten,
My circuits niggling up
And down my spine.
He said it’s worth the wait,
His weight keeps pressing harder,
But Alyx gave us hope -
We’ll rise and shine!
GLaDOS and audience:
For soulless card games
And hardware releases
The light’s been turning green:
Life gave you lemons -
Take them out the freezer!
This time you’re bound to learn how to,
This time you’re bound to learn how to,
This time you’re bound to count..
Gabe:
The numbers are intimidating,
It’s hard to give a fresh new start
When everyone’s anticipating
Another masterpiece of art!
If this machine keeps playing dead, we
May end up on the other side, -
So hold on to all your hats, let’s
Show ‘em a triple-A done right!
Audience:
The valve’s been stuck
Corroded by the money,
But after many years
We can’t believe the
Engine started running..
This time he’s bound to count to
Three!
Gabe:
Full steam ahead,
We’ll end this idle running!
Let's give the valve a spin!
Alyx:
We’ve got some work to do,
So take this, honey!
Alyx and audience:
This time you’re bound to learn how to,
This time you’re bound to learn how to,
This time you’re bound to count to..
Three!
GLaDOS:
This is GLaDOS.
The Chalkeaters are my friends.
Subscribe to The Chalkeaters!
One.
Two.
Gabe:
Thank you and have fun!
credits
released March 29, 2021
“Count to Three” by
THE CHALKEATERS
Special thanks to:
Gabe Newell and Michael ‘Lewi’ Lewington for recording Gabe’s awesome cameo!
Erik Wolpaw for allowing us to use Valve’s characters for the song!
Jamie Lopez, Wendi Wills, Tom McGurk for helping us to get Ellen on board
Bill Van Buren for helping us with the GLaDOS voice
ZhenyaHacker, Kizuru and Martie for being our favourite test subjects
Vasya, Nikita Dobrinskiy, Chaos Angel for great ideas and overall support
supported by 75 fans who also own “Count to Three”
recently bought the vinyl for this, i LOVE it so much. one of my favorite video game soundtracks of all time.
also the world revolving is the best one you can’t convince me otherwise andreww1109
Robins decided to release the recording of his 2016 comedy tour during the Covid-19 shutdown at the behest of fans. Bandcamp New & Notable May 29, 2020
Comedian Chris Gethard’s hilarious new surprise album is devoted to the great state of New Jersey, and the great state of New Jersey alone. Bandcamp New & Notable Dec 18, 2019
