Cambridge Money Coaching

10 tips for understanding your relationship with money 1.      Money has numbers, but money is not just about numbers. This is true for everybody. So, if you’re asking yourself “It’s just numbers, I’m an adult, why can’t I manage it?”, then welcome to the club. 2.      By putting a £ in front of a number, we transform it from a number to a value. 60 is just a number. £60 is a measure of value, maybe my value if that’s my hourly rate. 3.      This means that values are tied up in money, and values are a set of stories that we learn in childhood from the people around us and the broader cultural environment. 4.      Money stories are the stories that we were told – and now we tell ourselves – about what we can do, be or have with money. 5.      The are sometimes called money scripts and they mostly reflect the values of the people from our childhood. 6.      Some are helpful, most are not, and nearly all of them have challenges and limitations if we adopt them unthinkingly. Which is what we do. 7.      In order to understand and manage the money in your life, you need to understand and manage your behaviour around money. 8.      That behaviour is driven by those money stories or scripts. Start by thinking about those early money stories and how they drive your behaviour today. 9.      Then you can start to consciously choose stories that are taking you towards the person you want to be; and you can release yourself from the stories that are undermining you. 10.  This is not easy, but it is entirely possible and it’s most effective if you can get some help from someone who can support you in a non-judgmental manner. That person is a money coach. The key message here is that if you find managing your finances hard, then that’s normal. If you find it difficult to save, if you have debt, if you’re anxious all the time, if you’re finances feel like a rollercoaster, if you don’t open your bills, if you can’t seem to control your spending, if you can’t spend anything…  there’s nothing wrong with you. Money is not just numbers. Understanding your relationship with money is the key to improving it, and everyone can do that. And if you'd like some help, please get in contact.

Why your clients can’t hear you…. And what you can do about it. Humans evolved in an environment of scarcity and great uncertainty. And we developed many unique adaptations that have kept us alive for millions of years. We may think that we use our thinking brains most of the time, but we don’t. It’s biology that drives most behaviour. The most well-known adaptation, which is common to most species, is the fight-flight-freeze response. In humans there is a really interesting aspect of this that affects our hearing. When we are in a safe state, we have a set of tiny little middle ear muscles in our heads that get activated. What that allows us to do is pick up the sound frequencies in the mid-range that are associated with the human voice. This is so we can hear the sounds of people talking, even in loud and crowded environments. However, when we feel unsafe, those middle ear muscles shut down. Instead of hearing the middle frequencies associated with human speech, we can hear super low frequencies and super high frequencies. These are referred to as predator sounds. They might be the sounds of a lion in the brush or a screaming person in pain. So when you feel danger, your audiology signal shifts and you actually hear different frequencies at different volumes. Amazing and all automatic. So, what sorts of things make us feel unsafe? For a lot of people, talking about money can feel really unsafe. Even when with a financial adviser. Why? The financial services industry has a long history of pushy salesman, misselling and outright fraud. In addition, the industry has – deliberately or otherwise – cultivated an air of complexity and mystique that many people find intimidating. People can be worried because they might have to make changes or might find out that they don’t have enough to fund their lifestyle And a lot of people grew not talking about money or being told that you don’t talk about money. But most of, people are worried about being judged because of financial decisions that have made, or not made. Being judged because they don’t know very much about investing, planning or they can’t manage their finances. And, this means, that, during a conversation if they start to feel unsafe and go silent, they may well literally be unable to hear you. How can you help them? You have to reach out and meet them where they are. ‘It looks like something I said may have raised some concerns for you. Are you OK? Is there something you’d like to talk about or ask me? That small act of connection can be the catalyst for the person to feel a bit safer and thus bring them, and their hearing, back online. Interested to learn more? I run CPD accredited courses on how to understand client money behaviour. So, come and learn what your clients think about money, how you can connect with them, and you can help them to feel safe so they can hear what you have to say.

Money disorders and food disorders - what's going on? Part 2 In last week's post we looked at how some people use money (and food) for connection and others use it for dissociation. In this post we look at some of the other disorders that can show up in our behaviour around money and food. 1. Reward spending. If our relationships are not meeting our needs, if we feel we're not being seen or heard, then find other ways of feeling valued in the moment. A little gift to ourselves or maybe even booking a holiday, feels great. We've worked hard; we deserve it. All fine if we can afford it and if it's not a replacement for unmet core needs or a lost connection. Same with that donut. 2. Rebellion spending. This can show up as a reaction to a feeling of constraint or simply to exercise power in the moment. After a fight with a partner the urge to 'show them' or reclaim some form of control can lead us to an act of self-indulgence. 3. Punishment spending. This is a little more complex and occurs when people - usually those with significant early life trauma - become accustomed to sitting in a deep sense of chronic shame. There can be a compulsion to shift the energy of the moment and, counterintuitively, adding more shame via compulsive eating or spending, can bring some temporary relief. 4. Protection. This set of behaviours are very much about feeling safe. Some people feel safer in a smaller body, so that the hunger piece is around staying safe. Some clients feel safer in a larger body. So the protection is around the eating, and bringing food into the body to maintain the body size, because it feels safer to live in a larger body. With money, the parallels are exactly the same. For some, spending feels dangerous and there is an urge to live with less, even when there is plenty. There is a compelling 'stay small to stay safe' dynamic, either from a financial perspective - having money=safety - or to escape potential scrutiny - don't attract attention. And, of course, the opposite is true. In a world that tells us that we are judged by what we have, staying small can equate to powerlessness. Bigger, better, more is the way forward and any diminution or constriction can feel like weakness, and hence life threatening. So, what's the connection here? All behaviours, financial or otherwise, make sense when you understand the underlying drivers and beliefs. At the heart of our relationships with everything (food, money, partners, etc) is our relationship with ourselves. What do I believe I can do, be or have with food, money, my partner, etc. If you'd like to know more about your behaviours or those of your clients, start with curiosity and compassion. And, if you'd like help, please get in touch. You can book a chat with me using the link at the top of the post.

Food & money disorders – what’s really going on? In a recent 3-part series on his podcast, financial columnist, planner and therapist Rick Kahler, MS, CFP®, CFT-I™, CeFT® talked to food and body image specialist Celia Clark about the similarities between unhealthy relationships with food and unhealthy relationships with money. It turns out that there is a huge overlap, because in both cases it’s not about the food or the money, it’s about it’s about what they mean to the person and the relationship that person has with food or money. When people have an unmet relational need in their lives, money and/or food can become a replacement for that need. In fact, research on people who have undergone bariatric surgery to restrict what they can actually physically consume shows that they often develop spending disorders. Because the core underlying need has not been addressed, it now shows up in spending rather than eating. And we can’t avoid either of them. We need food to survive and we need money to met our core survival needs, of which food is one of them. So, it’s really important to understand the drivers behind the behaviour, because there is always a reason, even if it’s not healthy for the individual and they may not be aware of it. The podcast covered 6 main disorders: 1.      Seeking connection. We are hard-wired for connection. Mammals live in groups because it’s safer and connection is a vital evolutionary need. We also need other people for co-regulation. As infants, adults helped to soothe us and build our capacity for self-regulation. But the need for connection doesn’t ever leave us, and we can end up using money or food in moments when we feel the need for connection or comfort. With food it’s the experience of it coming into the mouth, the texture and the taste that promises fullness. With money, it’s what we are buying that offers the promise of filling that unmet need. On the flipside, it’s also possible to bond with restriction and this is where people feel safer not eating or spending. 2.      Seeking disconnection. This disorder is about numbing out. Maybe it’s going on a shopping app or to a mall to distract from some kind of stress that’s going on. Unlike connection, this binge-eating or binge-spending process can become extreme because it’s aim is to take the person out of the present. To do that, the normal limiting mechanisms are overridden so that the eating or spending process can run it’s full course. The other disorders will be covered next week and the link in the comments will take you to the podcast. If you’re interested in exploring the money side, please get in contact. As Rick says, every financial behaviour makes sense when you understand the underlying beliefs, feelings and thoughts. 

Have you ever had a client NOT follow your advice? Have you ever had a client who wouldn't change their spending behaviour? Would you like to know why? We cover these and many related topics in our Behavioural Coaching Certificate for Financial Professionals. Not only that, we also teach you techniques for helping clients who are anxious or stuck. You'll get a credit for 10 hours of structured CPD, and if you'd also like a 15% discount, DM me and I'll give you the code. Next course starts in September. Details in the link. https://lnkd.in/e7BZVbAx

"It’s OK. But I prefer to understand stuff on my own", they said. How often have you heard that? Maybe you’ve said it yourself on occasion. We had been talking about understanding money behaviour and the benefits of money coaching, but it could apply in any number of situations. Of course, when you have access to all the stored knowledge in the world at your fingertips, it’s very easy to start with a little investigation before going to an expert or coach. In fact, it’s probably a good idea. And with audiobooks, blogs, and podcasts, you can even choose your favourite medium. So, how far can you get on your own? When it comes to understanding your money behaviour, you’re trying to do at least three things simultaneously: 1. Learn what drives money behaviour 2. Examine your own reactivity or triggers 3. Hold a safe space for yourself It is possible – but it’s really hard. As a money coach and money coach trainer, I know how to do all three, but it’s so much easier when I work through my issues with another money coach. There’s a coaching expression which goes - It’s hard to see what’s on the label when you’re in the jar. And that’s because most drivers of behaviour are subconscious. Another problem is that you might not like what you see, so how do you then explore it? Lastly, you need to feel safe and not judge yourself in the process. That’s a big ask. We have coaches for everything we want to get better at. And we have money coaches to help you understand and manage the money in your life. So you don't have to do it ALL on your own.

Would you like to understand client money behaviour? Would you like to have open money conversations? Would you like 10 hours of Structured CPD? Would you like all of the above? The join us on September 26th for our 'Behavioural Coaching for Financial Professionals' workshop. This programme was developed by the Money Coaching Institute of California and is specifically designed to support the needs of financial professionals. You will learn: - The origins of money patterns and beliefs - How to have open money conversations - Why clients have money blocks and where they come from - How to help clients who are stuck or don't follow your advice - How to support clients during financial transitions and major life events - How to understand your own biases and money drivers and much more. Please contact us for more details or use the link below. https://lnkd.in/e7BZVbAx

Are you trying to talk to the money or the client? Wouldn’t it nice if we could just talk to the money. We have a great plan for it based on cashflow modelling, scenario analysis and portfolio optimisation. It’s beautiful plan, and we are going to do great things together! But it’s the human that controls the money and gets in the way. And when the human is not sure, we get self-sabotage, procrastination and ghosting. So why does this happen? Let’s look at the planning process: ·        Logical ·        Linear ·        Transparent What about the money decision-making process? ·        Emotional ·        Non-linear ·        Subconscious You can’t use logic to influence a decision that’s not made by logic. If your client has a strong emotional component to their decision-making, then logic just won’t work. If your client has deep-rooted, subconscious patterns driving their decision-making, then they won’t be aware of why they do what they do, and neither will you. So, if there is a significant gap between the planning process and the client’s decision-making process, how do you close it? Do you bring the client closer the planning process? Just let me talk to the money. Or do you bring the planning process closer to where the client is? If you want to move towards the client, then you need to know more about their decision-making process. Money Coaching is the best framework for understanding a client’s patterns, behaviours and emotions around money.   It’s not about coaching a client. It’s about understanding where they are, and meeting them there.

Are you looking to understand the human side of money? Countless reports and surveys talk about how 'soft skills' and 'emotional intelligence' are key parts of the adviser skillset, and possibly the areas that clients value the most. At the heart of the client relationship are money conversations. It's no exaggeration to say that the advice you give is only as good as the conversation you can have. So where do you learn how to have money conversations? How do you learn what drives money behaviour? How do you really earn trust? At the Money Coaching Institute we have been teaching people how to have money conversations for 25 years. Our behavioural Coaching Certificate for Financial Professionals has been approved for 10 hours of Structured CPD and our next course is open for application. Come and join other like-minded professionals who are looking to master the human side of money.