Curious Coaching

All is not as it seems. 👀 What it looks like: Taking a long time to reply to your emails, and sporadically responding to instant messages. 🧠 What might be going on: Feeling overwhelmed by the number of messages and not knowing what to prioritise. Replying to everything as if it’s urgent and getting exhausted. Followed by not replying to anything. 🌻 How you can help: Make it clear when something is urgent. Agree on ways to communicate when something needs immediate attention. 👀 What it looks like: Not contributing in meetings, staying quiet or echoing back what others have said. 🧠 What might be going on: Processing everything that is being said (+ the way it is said) and making connections to their work and how it relates. 🌻 How you can help: Normalise contributing in different ways, whether that’s adding things to the chat on a virtual call, or following up after the meeting in an email. Always have an agenda so people can be prepared for what is discussed. 👀 What it looks like: Asking lots of questions, seemingly undermining or trying to find fault. 🧠 What might be going on: Being a bottom up processor who needs as much information as possible before taking action. Think of it like needing to see all the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle so that you can then look for connections and make a start. 🌻 How you can help: Allocate time for people to ask as many questions as they need. Even better - collect common questions and create a guide or resource to refer to. 👀 What it looks like: Being ‘antisocial’ in the office - wearing noise cancelling headphones and ignoring others. 🧠 What might be going on: Trying to manage a challenging sensory environment with lots of conversations and background noise that can be distracting and/or dysregulating. 🌻 How you can help: Have spaces available for quiet focused work. These could be booths or other dedicated areas. Agree on a way of getting the persons attention if needed. 👀 What it looks like: Responding negatively to feedback, taking it personally and potentially getting defensive. 🧠 What might be going on: A sensitivity to real or perceived rejection. Constructive feedback can be felt like a personal attack, especially if self esteem is already low. 🌻 How you can help: All feedback should be clear, specific and actionable. It should never be calling out someone’s personality. It can also be helpful to state what someone is already doing well, followed by how to make it even better. Long story short - don’t make assumptions based on people’s outward behaviour. Get curious and try to understand what might be going on for them. This goes for everyone - neurodivergent and neurotypical. What other misunderstandings have you come across?

What is it like being coached by me? Here's what my client Anne said when I asked them a bunch of questions. How would you describe your experience to someone undecided about working with me? “Gentle, thoughtful vibes and an affirming, no-pressure / low-stakes space to think through issues and be supported in experimenting toward more desirable outcomes. Also amazing listening.” What was your favourite part of working together? “The summaries! No, I'm joking (though they were really good). I thought the way you responded to what I was bringing to sessions was really great, and I most appreciated the balance of general (neuro-informed) affirmation and useful information / concepts / frameworks to better grasp the challenges I've been experiencing. It really worked for me.” What are you doing differently as a direct result of working together? “I have started coaching myself much more deliberately through tasks – using new strategies, more compassionate self-talk, and anticipating hurdles I'm also generally more accepting of myself” If you're considering neuro-affirming coaching, but want to find out a bit more then you could: 🌻 visit my website 🌻 book a curiosity call with me 🌻 drop into my DMs to ask me any questions I'll pop some links in the comments.

Down the ND rabbit hole. I get asked a lot for recommended reading, podcasts etc on being neurodivergent. So I’m creating ‘the guide I wish I’d had’. (Yes that is the working title - catchy huh?!) I will be filling it with useful resources people can dive into when they are exploring if they could be an ADHDer and/or Autistic. Think books, podcasts, websites, blogs, and useful tools. I’d love to hear from you if there are particular things that really helped you early on in your journey. 🌻 Is there a book you couldn’t put down? 🌻 A podcast you listened to whilst working? 🌻 A song that resonated perfectly with your experience? You could pop them in the comments or drop me a message. Thank you in advance!

You know what really f*cking sucks?! How little support there is for late discovered Autistics and ADHDers in the UK. If you can’t afford a private assessment you join the nearly 400,000* people on nhs waiting lists. It’s not uncommon for people to wait 7-8 years. In the meantime you continue to navigate a world that isn’t designed for you, and somewhat inevitable poor mental health. Then, after all that waiting you may get given a diagnosis. But that’s it. No follow up, no ongoing support. With the exception of potential ADHD medication (but that’s another story). Just, here’s a new label and good luck. Oh, maybe a few word heavy generic websites to read. It’s assumed that because you made it this far, you can work it out from here. Years of waiting. Decades of struggling and not knowing why, to be left once again, unsupported. It infuriates me. And it’s a huge reason why I now work as a neuro-affirming coach for women and non binary folks. 🌻 I’m here for the people beginning to explore if they could be neurodivergent. 🌻 I’m here for the people sat on those ridiculous waiting lists with no support. 🌻 I’m here for the people lost in the confusion of a new diagnosis and what it means for them. Because you deserve to have someone to guide you through this process. The best part? You could get this coaching for free. If you’re based in Scotland or England you can apply for an Access to Work grant to pay for specialist equipment and support workers. You don’t need to have a diagnosis to get this funding. It’s one of the very few government initiatives out there to help neurodivergent people. If you’d like to learn more feel free to reach out and I’ll share some resources. Stay curious. *this is the combined total of those waiting on NHS ADHD and Autism assessments.

People I work with tend to appreciate directness. So I’ll cut straight to it. I have availability for new coaching clients. I work with neurodivergent women and non-binary folks, predominantly (but not exclusively) in tech. This could be for you if: 🌻 you’re curious to get to know your neurodivergent self better 🌻 you want to challenge the daily ‘should-ing’ and guilt tripping 🌻 you’re tired of spending all your spoons on masking and people pleasing Here are the kinds of things I have supported people with so far: - getting unstuck on big projects - managing the overwhelm of competing priorities - finding ‘low lift, easy grab’ ways to support wellbeing - developing strategies for working on unfamiliar tasks - exploring and creating their spiky profile, looking at ND strengths and challenges - identifying adjustments and how to ask for them - rediscovering where motivation and interest resides and routes for getting there If you’re curious about working together you could: ✉️ send me a message 🖥️ or book a curiosity call (zoom chat) using the link in the comments P.S. was that direct enough? 😅

I don’t want to work with companies during ADHD awareness month. You know the ones. They put on one talk, post some token bits on LinkedIn, and get that one brave employee to publish a blog. One big performance. November comes around and it’s all forgotten. Virtue signalling at its finest. I want to work with companies who know this is important all year round. 🌻 Who recognise the real impact it has on their neurodivergent employees. 🌻 Who are looking to increase their understanding and awareness. 🌻 Who want to be neuro-inclusive, not just in their hiring practices but also in how they manage and retain talent. If this is you, let’s have a conversation. Because it’s companies like yours that deserve to thrive. You deserve to benefit from the amazing creativity, loyalty, and innovation that neurodivergent people can bring. And they deserve to find belonging, purpose and acceptance in companies like yours. You can reach me in the comments or DM. I’d love to compile a list of neuro-inclusive companies to recommend. Who is doing this well?

ADHD at work. How it tends to go: - having all the ideas but not knowing where to start - bringing energy and passion into a new project until it gets too familiar and you lose interest - saying yes to everything because: 1. it’s a new thing and 2. people pleasing - confusing your boss by getting 2 weeks of work done in a day and then grinding to a halt - an uncanny ability to pick up new skills - jumping between different projects, proving that multi tasking is in fact possible - not asking for help because you already feel like an imposter, and that will definitely give you away - burning out from all of the above Here’s some things that might help from an individual and organisational perspective. Organisational: 🌻 match ADHDers up with someone else who loves bringing new ideas to life. Even better, find someone who will pick a project and finish it 🌻 understand the difference in working pace and explore working in sprints with clear deliverables and deadlines 🌻 normalise asking for support. Leaders can model the way by admitting when they don’t know something and who they go to 🌻 regularly check in to hear what your team are working on and whether anything can be delegated to others Individual: 🌻 have a place where you keep all your amazing ideas - a notebook, doc or even voice notes 🌻 rather than thinking about where to start, think about where you want to get to and work backwards 🌻 write out a list of questions to ask yourself before saying yes to doing something 🌻 buy yourself some time to think (and negotiate with your inner people pleaser) by saying something like ‘that sounds interesting, I’ll have a think and get back to you’ 🌻 use ‘side quests’ as some dopamine to get you started, or as quick breaks for larger projects. Try to find quests that take 5-30 mins These are the kind of strategies I love helping people try out. It’s all about getting curious and noticing what does/doesn’t work. How do other ADHDers navigate the workplace?

Autism - meticulously plans out journey to Edinburgh months in advance. ADHD - ‘f*ck the plan, that’s boring….oh that looks interesting’ Sometimes it’s like managing two incredibly stubborn, petulant toddlers. Today, however, I’m grateful for both. I arrived at Kings’ Cross exactly as scheduled, ready to take the train I’d researched months ago. I bought lunch, went to the toilet, and came back to see a board of cancelled and delayed trains…. Universe - ‘no sorry, you can’t make that journey’ Autism - ‘sh*t, but what about the plan?! I’ll never leave London now. I’ll just stay put, it’ll be fine’ ADHD - ‘step aside, I love a challenge. Ok, mission is get to Edinburgh one way or another’ Autism - ‘but…the plan’ ADHD - ‘it’s ok, come on, we’ll find another way’ Off I went to Euston to find another way. Now I’m sat on a train, going in generally the right direction. Hopefully, only an hour behind schedule. What I learned: 1. Autistic love of planning and structure gave me a good foundation and helped me feel calm about today. 2. Autistic attention to detail meant that I didn’t miss the announcement to travel via Euston instead. 3. ADHD jumped at the chance to shake things up and is great in a crisis. 4. Autistic rigid thinking was balanced out by ADHD flexibility, but only because I’d taken care of the basics - food, sleep, water etc. 5. Making space for both ways of thinking is everything, as is soothing the panic that comes with plans changing. I’d love this symbiosis to be a regular thing, so I’m thinking about how to make it happen. How do you keep both your ADHD and Autistic sides happy? #AuDHD #ActuallyAutistic #ADHD #Neurodivergent P.S. keep everything crossed that this journey works out

I’ve decided… We should just ban meetings that are longer than an hour. The average amount of time people can concentrate on something is 20 minutes. Everyone, not just neurodivergent folks. 20 minutes of productive, creative time and then most people start to struggle. If you insist on longer meetings then make these adjustments: 1. Have a clear agenda for how the time will be spent. This requires a bit of effort, but you may realise that you don’t actually need as long a meeting as you think. 2. Schedule regular breaks. A good rule of thumb is 5 minutes per 20 minutes of meeting. For example - if you’re going for 40 minutes straight, then give everyone 10 minutes break. 3. Tell people in advance if they will be asked to contribute, listen, or both. If it’s listening only (like a company all hands) then allow people to join whilst they are out walking. 4. Vary how you are delivering the information. Are we not over death by PowerPoint yet?! Think quizzes, questions, ideas generation on whiteboards… 5. Allow people to engage in ways that work for them. Encourage all body listening - people don’t have to be looking at you and sitting still to pay attention. Moving around is fine, as is jotting ideas down to email you about after. If can’t control how meetings are run here are some things you could try to mitigate. Online meetings: 🌻 have your camera off, connect with Bluetooth headphones and move around 🌻 try out a standing desk with a rocking footrest or a mini treadmill 🌻 use Otter.ai or similar to transcribe the call and capture notes for those moments when your attention drifts 🌻 have a list of side quest tasks you can easily complete during the call - variety is key 🌻 take the meeting on a walk with you. Explain that this is what you are doing and that you will unmute to contribute In person meetings (admittedly trickier): 🌻 block out time either side of the big meeting to recover and/or do focussed work 🌻 take notes in a more graphical way. Use those awesome doodling skills to draw diagrams or illustrations that summarise the meeting 🌻 take in snacks/drinks and use the socially accepted toilet break to get some space 🌻 alternate between sitting and standing. You can say that your body gets sore after sitting too long 🌻 use highlighters, sticky notes etc to inject some colour and much needed stimulation For all of the above, I am assuming you have not disclosed your neurodivergence. —— How I can help: 1. Work with you to discover what support you need and how to ask for it, and get it. 2. Speak to your company about ways to make their meetings and training more inclusive. If you’re curious you can reach me in a few different ways… - message me on here - email hello@curious-coaching.co.uk - comment below —— #Neurodivergent #ADHD #DEI #Accessibility #Productivity P.S. for everyone who’s just survived one of those big Monday calls, take some time for yourself.

How I write neurotypical friendly emails. In 3 steps. 1. Start in the middle. Write out what I actually want to know or want that other person to do - the question, request, concern etc. 2. Add a greeting and a sign off. Hi X, … All the best, Lauren 3. Go back and add in the generic niceities, wishing people are well etc. Basically bury the lead and warm people up. How I’d like to write emails…. Hi X, Can you look into Y for me? Thanks, Lauren. What’s so bad about getting to the point? Don’t we all just skim through to what people are asking anyway? Or would you miss the ‘Hope you are well’? #Neurodivergent #ActuallyAutistic #EffectiveCommunication #ADHD