In a Reddit post shared to r/AskReddit a couple of years ago, site user u/Isittheweekend asked, "Those who are 40+ and child-free, how is your life?" Here are some of the most-upvoted responses:
1. "43-year-old male here. My marriage recently dissolved. I teach students with special needs... my whole career women have told me what a great father I’ll make. My wife and I bought our dream home and were about to start trying for a child when I found out she was having an affair. I left her. Now I’m starting over and sort of giving up on the family/suburb dream. It’s freeing in so many ways."
2. "I love my life. I wouldn’t trade it with anyone. I’m 70 with no children, never married, and have no regrets. I’ve had several long-term relationships (11 years and 17 years... we're still friends). I loved never relinquishing my personal freedom."
"Several things informed my decision:
1) Watching the relationships of parents and children, where children became *ssholes.
2) Watching marriages that were okay go bad or boring after kids.
3) Watching people lose themselves in stressful marriages.
4) Not enjoying the feeling of having to negotiate everything from social events to meal choices."
3. "I love it. Retired without kids is the sh*t. I can't even imagine having children. I'm not built for it."
"I'm great with other people's kids (in short bursts) but ultimately very glad to be able to walk away from that cacophony of neediness.
I sleep as much as I want (as well as game, work, etc.), eat whatever I want, and go where I want (or more importantly, don't go where I don't want).
It's one of the few decisions I made very young (before I was a teenager for sure) that I've not wavered on and has paid off dividends.'"
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4. "I am 38 and my wife is 42. Our marriage is fantastic and our jobs are stressful but lucrative. We worry and stress about normal things just like other people — just not about kids, obviously."
"Like any major life decision, there are pangs of regret, like seeing my friends enjoy ball games and major milestones with their children that I know I won't experience with my own. But I know I am also sidestepping the negatives as well.
In the end, my wife and I chose each other and are endlessly happy. Could a child have improved that bliss? Possibly — but we collectively were not 100% all-in and didn't want to risk our happiness together to find out."
5. "Quiet. Oh so blissfully quiet."
6. "I’m a 46-year-old auntie to a wonderful little boy and I’m fine with that."
"My husband and I didn’t each hit six figures until about four years ago, so we’re not really swimming in money yet (we live in NYC). I love sleeping in. I love finishing dinner and then playing video games. I love going for long walks. I love peace and quiet. I love all my disposable income."
7. "I’m financially in good shape, but my life feels somewhat unfulfilling. But I honestly don’t think children would fix that or a wife… I don’t know. I feel very bad when I hear my coworkers talk about how little time they have for themselves. It is a little bit lonely, but I am very good at keeping myself occupied."
"This is pretty much how I feel. Sometimes it's super lonely, but I get annoyed having to deal with others."
8. "Vacations are a breeze, particularly if you go to another country. If I find a place, I can just up and move without worrying about if the school is any good, or how big the house is."
9. "It's kinda lonely sometimes. I do enjoy the freedom it affords, but it's not like I'm wealthy enough to just do whatever. My house is usually messy because what's the point? My dog doesn't care. My Minecraft world is coming along pretty nicely."
Gotis1313
10. "Really good, actually. I move around a lot for work, so it wouldn't be fair to put a kid in that kind of environment. Meanwhile, my wife and I get to travel all over the world. We're putting away savings to retire and open a hostel somewhere chill. I can understand people who say kids give their life purpose, but I'm just not wired that way. I think the lack of free time and the huge financial commitment would make me really unhappy."
"It's a wiring thing for me, too. I just feel like happy parents can see a colour I cannot. My life improved 4827x over when I found out it was an elective thing, not a given. I'm grateful for the women who came before me who paved the way for me to live the life I want, women weren't always so historically lucky."
11. "It’s pretty good, although my wife and I are childfree due to infertility, not by choice. The upside is that we have more disposable income than we would if we did have kids so it allows us to spend as much (or as little) as we want on our nephews, nieces, and godchildren."
12. "My wife worries about being cared for when we are older. I feel like being a parent makes you grow up a lot. I still feel like a child in a way."
13. "I’ve no regrets about not having kids, but I haven’t benefited from it like others have. I ended up having to take care of my parents, one of them at a relatively early age, and that’s affected my life as much as having children would. I actually made an expensive purchase for me last night, the first time in a long time, and I keep imagining the potential financial backlash of something going wrong for them in the future and me not having that money on hand."
14. "I always thought the urge to have children would eventually hit me. 'Maybe next year, I'll start trying,' I always thought. It was never the right time."
"Turns out, the right time never came, because I have no active interest in having children. The only reason I wanted them was the worry that I'd regret it if I didn't. And here I am, close to 50, and I don't feel regret at all. I actually love being independent. I love not having to worry about someone else. My human is on a business trip And while I really miss him, I realize I actually like being on my own, being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want. Contrast that with my colleagues with children and their needs and desires always come second. Absolutely no regrets here."
15. "I'd love to find a partner who's solid enough that I want to have kids with them, but a true partner is tough to find and I don't want to parent alone. The 'free and single' lifestyle is boring to me."
16. "Meh. 47F and feeling mortal. My boyfriend is 35 and has zero interest in kids, but if he changes his mind he's got plenty of time. I honestly think if I'd had children I'd be further along. As it is, every year is basically the same and I lack motivation to change much."
17. "I can watch anything I like on TV."
18. "I'm not quite 40, but my wife and I had to give up on having children recently after eight failed rounds of IVF. We were both desperate for children so it's probably the worst thing that's ever happened to either of us, TBH. Every time a friend posts a pregnancy notice on Facebook (especially with a caption like 'We were planning to stop at three but I guess accidents happen!) it feels like another knife being stabbed in us."
"We don't blame our friends for being able to get pregnant naturally or wanting to celebrate that with friends and family (heck, we would if we got pregnant). It just all seems so unfair, is all."
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19. "At 40 I was married and child-free. We spent our free time doing whatever we wanted (although one thing to keep in mind is that as you get older, your parents start to get old. There’s an entire other level is issues involved there). But anyway, I can say that at 40 I was happy with no kids and would have been happy to continue my life that way. Now at 43, I have a two-year-old son. He is the light of our lives, and I can’t imagine life without him."
"My point is that either path can be fulfilling. I don’t subscribe to the belief that because I enjoy being a dad the experience should be forced on everyone. You gotta do you."
20. "Honestly, it has its moments of being really good, and it has its moments of feeling really empty and pointless, I find it helpful to have goals to keep busy and feel like I can still accomplish something I can feel good about."
21. "My three beloved nieces give us all the child joy we need, and we’re only responsible for them for brief periods. Everyone I know with kids (the majority of my peers) has had their lives completely changed in almost every way by having children. Nuh uh, not for me. And our savings means we can slow down a bit in the foreseeable future."
22. "I'm a 49-year-old male. For most of my life, I always thought I'd get married and have kids. I felt pressured to do this, and as I got older, I got more depressed that it didn't happen. Within the last few years, I realised what a bullet I dodged."
"I've had anxiety and depression problems all my life. I see now what my friends are going through with their families (it's not all fun and smiles). I realise that I would have been a terrible, miserable husband and father... and probably divorced by now. My only regret is that I think it would be nice to have a kid take care of me in my old age, but that's selfish and it's not guaranteed anyway. I'm pretty content with where I am — no debt, nice career, friends, family, and time available to take care of myself."
Shout out to r/AskReddit and u/Isittheweekend for having this discussion.
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.