17 Funny Weekend Tweets

    "Being smart has never stopped me from being an idiot."

    Chelsea Stewart
    by Chelsea Stewart

    BuzzFeed Staff

    For some reason, the best tweets always seem to happen on the weekend. Here are some funny ones that recently came across my timeline.

    If you liked these tweets, make sure to give these users a follow for more funny content!

    1.

    My car wouldn’t start, so I dusted that crust off the battery and wiggled something. On the road again. pic.twitter.com/lPqIqDU9IU

    — Big Mellie ✨ (@EsOnHerChest) June 14, 2024
    PBS / Twitter: @EsOnHerChest

    2.

    I wonder if shampoo and conditioner are friends irl or if it’s purely professional

    — Jason, ex Inferis (@benedictsred) June 14, 2024
    Twitter: @benedictsred

    3.

    😭😭😭 my aunty is so hilarious for blaming her stretch marks on my cousins. They’re all her step kids

    — lindy (@Lindyyay) June 15, 2024
    Twitter: @Lindyyay

    4.

    My airpods when they're about to die: pic.twitter.com/dfWa1242fE

    — Salem // beautiful stranger (@Gibs0ns_Girl) June 14, 2024
    RCA Records. / Twitter: @Gibs0ns_Girl

    5.

    Holy fucking shit, Danny absolutely hated being in this wedding. Already at the thrift store pic.twitter.com/4oPWtGz098

    — bayou blastbeats (@alienantware) June 14, 2024
    Twitter: @alienantware

    6.

    Being smart has never stopped me from being an idiot.

    — Wisecracking Blonde (@RoobsC) June 14, 2024
    Twitter: @RoobsC

    7.

    “Close the curtain, you POOR” https://t.co/ffIbBVOK1I

    — Reyda 🦖 (@MsReyda) June 14, 2024
    Twitter: @MsReyda

    8.

    Twitter: @propaganda91

    9.

    Text conversation summary: One person seeks permission to vent, agreeing to do so "as a friend, not as my boyfriend." The other person, calling them "girlfriend," agrees and starts to listen
    Twitter: @heavensbvnny

    pic.twitter.com/1vcIGpHVkw

    — 🤠 (@heavensbvnny) June 13, 2024
    Twitter: @heavensbvnny

    10.

    the thing about having friends with good politics is that none of them have a boat.

    — barbarelleh (@barbarelleh) June 13, 2024
    Twitter: @barbarelleh

    11.

    i bought a new car battery and it was like $220 and the girl at auto zone said “wanna see how much it would cost if you needed 99 of them?” and i said “okay” so she typed 99 in the quantity and the price went to $23000 and she said “thats how much it would cost” and i said “okay”

    — buck tooth cunt (@Royal_McPoyle) June 13, 2024
    Twitter: @Royal_McPoyle

    12.

    Older black lady asked me how I’ve been losing weight and if I’m taking “Olympics.” pic.twitter.com/YEnH02qZW9

    — MS. PARKER (@MafiosoRo) June 14, 2024
    Bravo / Twitter: @MafiosoRo

    13.

    Library patron of the week: the kindergartener whose parting shot at checkout was, “You haven’t seen the last of ME.”

    — Alix Hawley (@alixhawley) June 14, 2024
    Twitter: @alixhawley

    14.

    Me pulling my emergency icicle out of my bun pic.twitter.com/po9dSsXwAI

    — wasian doll (@soberkravitz) June 14, 2024
    American Music Awards / Twitter: @soberkravitz

    15.

    Jesse Pinkman would have made a beautiful full time uber eats driver slash soundcloud rapper if not for that white demon

    — ape attack survivor (@pissvortex) June 15, 2024
    Twitter: @pissvortex

    16.

    Hell yeah brother pic.twitter.com/3OSPYWpXQg

    — Jane (@janetherevelatr) June 15, 2024
    Twitter: @janetherevelatr

    17.

    our 16-month-old daughter doesn’t stand on her own yet so we got her some x-rays to see if she has a problem with her hips or something and it turns out that she’s totally fine but just prefers sitting. never been prouder.

    — david ehrlich (@davidehrlich) June 15, 2024
    Twitter: @davidehrlich

    Like reading funny weekend tweets? Check out more of them here.

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