Nobody can claim to know what every single person in the world finds funny, but certain things are universally funny enough to earn a chuckle, at the very least.
For instance, almost everyone will find these movie lines funny, thanks to the screenwriters who wrote them and the actors who delivered them. If they don't, there might be something wrong with them, like a broken funny bone. Enjoy!
1. "Benjamin is nobody's friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines and dick." —Dana Carvey as Garth Algar in Wayne's World (1992)
2. "I'm glad he's single because I'm going to climb that like a tree." —Melissa McCarthy as Megan in Bridesmaids (2011)
3. "My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon...luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really." —Mike Myers as Dr. Evil as Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
4. "It's the weekend, Budnick. I don't know you. You do not exist." —Bradley Cooper as Phil Wenneck in The Hangover (2009)
5. "Oh, this is your wife? A lovely lady. Hey, baby, you're alright. You must've been something before electricity." – Al Czervik, "Caddyshack" (1980)
6. "They're pretty good, except for one little problem. That little guy right there. He is nipple number five. A good dairy cow should have, like, four." —Efren Ramirez as Pedro Sánchez in Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
7. "You are a human affront to all women, and I am a woman." —Meg Ryan as Sally Albright in When Harry Met Sally... (1989)
8. "I wouldn't let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass." —Devin Ratray as Buzz McCallister in Home Alone (1990)
9. "What you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it." —Josh Mostel as Principal Max Anderson in Billy Madison (1995)
10. "If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball." —Rip Torn as Patches O'Houlihan in Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story (2004)
11. "It’s pronounced 'Fronkensteen.'" —Gene Wilder as Dr. Frederick Frankenstein in Young Frankenstein (1974)
12. "I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo T-shirt because it says I want to be formal, but I'm here to party." —John C. Reilly as Cal Naughton, Jr. in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)
13. "Last night you were unhinged. You were like some desperate, howling demon. You frightened me. Do it again." —Anjelica Houston as Morticia Addams in The Addams Family (1991)
14. "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue." —Lloyd Bridges as Steve McCroskey in Airplane (1980)
15. "Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries." —John Cleese as French soldier in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
16. "She thinks I'm a fascist? I don't control the railways or the flow of commerce!" —Margot Robbie as Barbie in Barbie (2023)
17. "When life gives you lemons, just say ‘fuck the lemons’, and bail." —Paul Rudd as Chuch in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008)
18. "I don’t want to be rude, but may I have a drink? I had three or four before I got here, but they’re beginning to wear off. And you know how that is." —Irene Dunne as Lucy Warriner in The Awful Truth (1937)
19. "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. This is the war room!" —Peter Sellers as President Merkin Muffley in Doctor Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)
20. "Did you just look at me? Did you? Look at me! Look at me! How dare you? Close your eyes!" —Olivia Colman as Queen Anne in The Favourite (2018)
21. "Is that your gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?" —Mae West as Marlo Manners in Sextette (1977)
22. "That is mahogany!" —Elizabeth Banks as Effie Trinket in The Hunger Games (2012)
23. "You read my diary?" "At first I did not know it was your diary, I thought it was a very sad handwritten book." —Kristen Wiig and Rebel Wilson as Annie and Brynn in Bridesmaids (2011)
24. "That's it, dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Dishonor on you, dishonor on your cow!" —Eddie Murphy as Mushu in Mulan (1998)
25. "It's just a flesh wound." —John Cleese as The Black Knight in Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975)
26. "Someday, you gonna get bitch-slapped, and I'm not gonna do a thing to stop it." —Daryl Mitchell as Mr. Morgan in 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)
27. "Yeah, you just take Soupy Sales to prom. I can think of so many cooler things to do that night. Like, you know what, Bleek? I might pumice my feet, I might go to Bren's unitarian church, maybe get hit by a truck full of hot garbage juice, you know? 'Cause all those things would be exponentially cooler than going to prom with you." —Elliot Page as Juno MacGuff in Juno (2007)
28. "I'm a man!" "Well, nobody's perfect." —Jack Lemmon and Joe E. Brown as Jerry and Osgood in Some Like It Hot (1959)
29. "Instead of the mahi mahi, may I just get the one mahi because I’m not that hungry?" —Anna Farris as Shelley Darlingson in The House Bunny (2008)
30. "Pardon my French, but Cameron is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond." —Matthew Broderick as Ferris Bueller in Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
31. "I am serious…and don't call me Shirley." —Leslie Nielsen as Dr. Rumack in Airplane! (1980)
32. "I'm in a glass case of emotion!" —Will Ferrell as Ron Burgundy in Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)
33. "That still only counts as one!" —John Rhys-Davies as Gimli in The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
34. "Will you marry me? Did he leave you any money? Answer the second question first." —Groucho Marx as Rufus T. Firefly in Duck Soup (1933)
35. "What is this? A center for ants?" —Ben Stiller as Derek Zoolander in Zoolander (2001)
36. "'Greater good?' I am your wife! I'm the greatest good you're ever gonna get!" —Kimberly Adair Clark as Honey Best in The Incredibles (2004)
37. "By all means, move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me." —Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestly in The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
38. "It's not a man purse. It's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one." —Zach Galifianakis as Alan Garner in The Hangover (2009)
39. “Oh, right, to call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. … I’ve worn dresses with higher IQs.” —Jamie Lee Curtis as Wanda in A Fish Called Wanda (1988)
40. "Don't point that gun at him. He's an unpaid intern." —Bill Murray as Steve Zissou in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)
41. "You're a virgin who can't drive." —Brittany Murphy as Tai in Clueless (1995)
42. "Leave the gun. Take the cannoli." —Richard S. Castellano as Clemenza in The Godfather (1972)
43. "If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer." —Jim Carrey as Ace Ventura in Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
44. “If we get any more white people in here, this is gonna be a suburb.” —Queen Latifah as Motormouth Maybelle in Hairspray (2007)
45. "Snap out of it!" —Cher as Loretta Castorini in Moonstruck (1987)
46. "Ariel, you're under a lot of pressure down here." —Samuel E. Wright as Sebastian in The Little Mermaid (1989)
47. "I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking plane!" —Samuel L. Jackson as Agent Neville Flynn in Snakes on a Plane (2006)
48. "Americans really have shown themselves to be a nation of ingrates; only by having children can we begin to understand such dynamic." —Kate Beckinsale as Lady Susan in Love & Friendship (2016)
49. "Bye, Felicia" —Ice Cube as Craig Jones in Friday (1995)
50. "Look up idiot in the dictionary, you know what you'll find?" "A picture of me?" "No! The definition of the word idiot, which you fucking are!" —Val Kilmer and Robert Downey, Jr. as Perry and Harry in Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005)
51. "Looks are everything. You ever heard David Beckham speak? It's like he mouth-sexed a can of helium. Think Ryan Reynolds got this far on his superior acting method?" —Ryan Reynolds as Wade Wilson in Deadpool (2016)
52. “This job would be great if it wasn’t for the fucking customers.” —Jeff Anderson as Randal Graves in Clerks (1994)
53. "If I had a dick, this is the part where I'd tell you to suck it." —Betty White as Delores Bickerman in Lake Placid (1999)
54. "I make a habit out of doing things that people say I can't do: Walk through fire, waterski blindfolded, take up piano at a late age." —Jason Statham as Rick Ford in Spy (2015)
55. "Mother, I do not need a blind date. Particularly not with some verbally incontinent spinster who drinks like a fish, smokes like a chimney, and dresses like her mother." —Colin Firth as Mark Darcy in Bridget Jones's Diary (2001)
56. "I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?" —Robert De Niro as Jack Byrnes in Meet the Parents (2000)
57. You sit on a throne of lies." —Will Ferrell as Buddy in Elf (2003)
58. "Here's the deal. I'm the best there is. Plain and simple. I wake up in the morning, and I piss excellence." —Will Ferrell as Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (2006)
59. "Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it. 4:00, wallow in self pity; 4:30, stare into the abyss; 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one; 5:30, Jazzercise; 6:30, dinner with me — I can't cancel that again; 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing. ... I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling, and slip slowly into madness." —Jim Carrey as the Grinch in How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
60. "I was married. My husband cheated on me left and right. He made me feel like I was crazy all the time. One day, he tells me it's my fault he saw other women. So, I picked up a knife and told him it was his fault I was stabbing him. Yeah, I did a little jail time, but it was worth it." —Queen Latifah as Liz Bailey in Living Out Loud (1998)
61. "She doesn't even go here!" —Daniel Franzese as Damian Leigh in Mean Girls (2004)
62. "If you are going to come along with us, please refrain from saying things like 'preach' or 'go girl' or any other colloquialism that you may have looked up in an urban dictionary." —Regina Hall as Ryan Pierce in Girls Trip (2017)
63. "Don't give me that tone! That sarcastic, contemptuous tone that means you know everything because you're a man, and I know nothing because I'm a woman." —Nathan Lane as Albert in The Birdcage (1996)
64. "I think we drink virgin blood because it sounds cool." "I think of it like this. If you are going to eat a sandwich, you would just enjoy it more if you knew no one had fucked it." —Jonny Brugh and Jemaine Clement as Deacon and Vladislav in What We Do in the Shadows (2014)
65. "I like your outfit, too, except when I dress up as a frigid bitch, I try not to look so constipated." —Reese Witherspoon as Elle Woods in Legally Blonde (2001)
66. "According to the map, we've only gone 4 inches." —Jeff Daniels as Harry Dunne in Dumb and Dumber (1994)
67. "That rug really tied the room together, did it not?" —Jeff Bridges as The Dude in The Big Lebowski (1998)
68. "You're dizzy because you played Russian roulette with your vagina." —Jenny Slate as Donna Stern in Obvious Child (2014)
69. “You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.” —Tim Allen as Buzz Lightyear in Toy Story (1995)
70. “My father would womanize. He would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark.” —Mike Myers as Dr. Evil in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)
71. "I don't want to have to read you the riot act, but I am going to have to read you some extracts from the riot act." —Tom Hollander as Simon Foster in In the Loop (2009)
72. "You know, the thing about keeping your mouth closed is it prevents you from speaking." "Sure. Unless, of course, you're a ventriloquist." —Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe as Holland March and Jackson Healy in The Nice Guys (2016)
73. "Right now, the killer is being surrounded by a web of deduction, forensic science, and the latest in technology such as two-way radios and e-mail." —Steve Martin as Inspector Jacques Clouseau in The Pink Panther (2006)
74. "That is my least vulnerable spot." —Humphrey Bogart as Rick Blaine in Casablanca (1942)
75. "Please. Have mercy. I’ve been wearing the same underwear since Tuesday." —Steve Martin as Neal Page in Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)
76. "YOU'RE AN INANIMATE FUCKING OBJECT!" —Ralph Fiennes as Harry in In Bruges (2008)
77. "Harry, you might not believe this, but I never considered not sleeping with you a sacrifice." —Meg Ryan as Sally Albright in When Harry Met Sally... (1989)
78. "He's so fluffy, I'm gonna die!" —Elsie Fisher as Agnes in Despicable Me (2010)
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