"Who Is Writing These Things?!" 41 Fortune Cookies That Aren't Like The Other Girls

    Now I REALLY want to know who the heck is writing these things.

    Mike Spohr
    by Mike Spohr

    BuzzFeed Staff

    1. Um, this is kind of a bold thing for a cookie to say, don't you think?

    A fortune cookie slip on a dark table reads, "Seek help from professionals trained in mental health care."
    u/Klemmquat / Via reddit.com

    2. Wow, really insightful there:

    A fortune cookie message reads: "Your finances will be a key to your financial future."
    u/FragrantReindeer6152 / Via reddit.com

    3. This cookie is getting a little possessive, don't you think?

    A fortune cookie message reads: "Only listen to fortune cookie, disregard all other fortune telling units." The note is on a textured surface
    u/AmandaMarsh / Via reddit.com

    4. I gotta hand it to them, this fortune is 100% true:

    A hand holding a fortune from a fortune cookie that reads, "You are not illiterate."
    u/JessLovesNaps / Via reddit.com

    5. This cookie was like, "If everyone's going to keep telling this old joke, I guess we will, too!"

    A hand holding a fortune cookie slip that reads, "You will be hungry again in one hour," over a plate of food
    u/dmozus / Via reddit.com

    6. And this here is a fortune of few words:

    A close-up of a hand holding a small paper strip with the text "life difficult."
    u/deleted / Via reddit.com

    7. I don't know, I think this fortune might make me worry:

    Fortune cookie message: "You do not have to worry about your future." Lucky numbers: 4, 20, 22, 37, 42, 43
    u/KanadianLogik / Via reddit.com

    8. I'm 76% sure this fortune cookie is drunk:

    Fortune cookie message reads: "A person is never too old to learn. No problem leaves you where you found it."
    Thefoad / Via reddit.com

    9. This cookie's got jokes!

    Fortune cookie message reads: "If you think nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a couple of car payments."
    u/dinomaster25 / Via reddit.com

    10. And so does this one!

    A piece of paper with the text: "Dogs have owners, cats have staff."
    u/swedishfordeer / Via reddit.com

    11. And so does THIS one!

    A person holding a fortune slip that reads, "Foot: A device for finding furniture in the dark."
    dream2500 / Via reddit.com

    12. This fortune was oddly specific:

    Fortune cookie paper reads: "Tomorrow Morning, Take a left turn as soon as you leave home."
    Merp_Derpster / Via reddit.com

    13. This dummy accidentally ate half of this fortune (oh, the irony):

    A small piece of paper with the text "you are a very bright individual." sits on a wooden surface
    u/novacthall / Via reddit.com

    14. This cookie is passing the buck:

    A fortune cookie message reads, "The fortune you seek is in another cookie."
    u/careater / Via reddit.com

    15. Look, man, I was just trying to eat some chow mein, alright?

    A fortune cookie slip reads, "If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is it naked or homeless?"
    u/Zack11111111 / Via reddit.com

    16. If I got this one I'd be like, "Is this because of that third order of egg rolls?"

    Fortune cookie message reads: Moderate your appetite so that with a little you may be content
    u/Just_Latin / Via reddit.com

    17. And if I got this one I'd be like, "So that's why the staff was sending me all those dirty looks."

    Fortune cookie message reads, "Q. What is K.M.S.? A. Keep Mouth Shut, the golden rule."
    u/rustycoins26 / Via reddit.com

    18. Um, if you say so:

    A fortune cookie message reads, "A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works."
    u/NoGoodGodGames / Via reddit.com

    19. This feels a little ominous:

    A person's hand holds a fortune cookie slip that reads, "Enjoy yourself while you can." They are wearing ripped jeans
    u/Muttandcheese / Via reddit.com

    20. And so does this — what does it know that I don't?

    A fortune cookie slip with the text "It would be best to maintain a low profile for now."
    nickipps / Via reddit.com

    21. Now this one is actually great advice, LOL:

    Text in image: "Borrow money from a pessimist--they don't expect it back."
    u/Bahob / Via reddit.com

    22. I was not expecting an anthropomorphic fortune, but here we are:

    Fortune cookie with the message, "About time I got out of that cookie."
    u/Cody_Fournier / Via reddit.com

    23. And now here's an anthropomorphic cookie:

    A note reads: "Come back later... I am sleeping. (Yes, cookies need their sleep, too)."
    CheapFarmer / Via reddit.com

    24. This restaurant is really pushing its luck, if you ask me:

    A fortune cookie message on a wooden table reads: "Enjoyed the meal? Buy one to go too."
    u/austinswill / Via reddit.com

    25. And this restaurant is basically bragging about its food giving you the runs. Am I interpreting that right?

    A fortune cookie message reads, "You laugh now, wait till you get home."
    u/deleted / Via reddit.com

    26. This cookie is expecting more out of me than I can offer, I fear:

    A message on paper reads: "Dare to dream, hope, believe, seek, feel, find, and love."
    zombiewombie13 / Via reddit.com

    27. This fortune cookie might be psychic:

    A child with an injured chin received a fortune cookie at dinner. The fortune reads: "Time heals all wounds. Keep your chin up."
    perawkcyde / Via reddit.com

    28. This fortune cookie is gonna get this dude divorced:

    A hand holding a fortune cookie paper that reads, "Feeding a cow with roses does not get extra appreciation." Text above reads about a wife being angry over a fortune cookie message
    Davidb91w / Via reddit.com

    29. And this fortune cookie seems to be meddling in romantic affairs, too! Simmer down, cookie!

    Fortune cookie with the message: "A distant relationship is beginning to look more promising."
    u/bezserk / Via reddit.com

    30. This fortune cookie is just so wholesome:

    A person holds a fortune cookie message that reads, "The one waiting for you when you get home will be your friend for life," while a cat looks at the camera
    jeffreybbbbbbbb / Via reddit.com

    31. This fortune cookie sounds super comforting (if you don't think about it too hard):

    A hand holding a fortune cookie paper that reads, "Don't worry about the world coming to an end. It's already tomorrow in Australia."
    Sass_Act / Via reddit.com

    32. This fortune could make a 14-year-old boy pee himself laughing:

    A close-up of a person's hand holding a fortune cookie slip that reads, "Every exit is an entrance to new experiences."
    u/dos4g / Via reddit.com

    33. And these fortunes just seem kinda confused:

    Two fortune cookie papers; one reads "Get your goals high and you will always move forward." The other reads "Ignore previous cookie."
    Coolincooling / Via reddit.com

    34. This fortune is for all the dads out there:

    Two fingers hold a paper fortune with the text: "The best angle from which to approach any problem is the TRYangle."
    MonkeysLikeApples / Via reddit.com

    35. This fortune cookie pointed out the obvious:

    A piece of paper with text: "Do it now! Today will be yesterday tomorrow."
    Mintz845 / Via reddit.com

    36. This fortune likes to remind folks of the restaurant's super affordable prices:

    Fortune cookie slip reads: "You are about to become $8.95 poorer. ($6.95 if you had the buffet)."
    greenmandances / Via reddit.com

    37. This fortune isn't true, but imagine if it were!

    Fortune cookie paper on a wooden surface reads, "If you eat something & nobody sees you eat it, it has no calories."
    jedduff / Via reddit.com

    38. Whoever wrote this fortune wasn't even trying:

    A hand holding a fortune cookie slip that reads, "Some fortune cookies contain no fortune."
    u/EsoogRalopib / Via reddit.com

    39. And I, my friends, am the latter:

    Fortune cookie paper with the message: "Some men dream of fortunes, others dream of cookies."
    u/ChiaotzuShinhan / Via reddit.com

    40. This fortune didn't go out on much of a limb with this prediction:

    A fortune cookie slip reads: "Your next Chinese meal will bring you more cookies!" Lucky numbers: 6, 14, 56, 48, 11, 4. There is also a QR code
    u/ForteSP33 / Via reddit.com

    41. And I can't decide if this last one is funny or 100% right!

    Fortune cookie slip reads: "You will read this and say 'Geez! I could come up with better fortunes than that!'" on a wooden surface
    u/Lorddennings / Via reddit.com
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