Spectator by Seema Goswami: We’re only getting older, baby
Why were we all so eager to rush into adulthood? Growing up means an endless loop of responsibilities and chores. And wishing we were young again
Careful what you wish for, they say. And they may well have a point. Ever since I can remember, my ambition was to grow up and earn enough money to have a house of my own. A house that was mine alone; a house in which I didn’t have to adhere to anyone else’s rules; a house where I could come and go as I pleased, without anyone asking me a dozen questions.
Well, gentle reader, I achieved that ambition when I moved to Delhi and my then-employers very kindly rented a lovely flat for me. At the beginning, there was no containing my excitement. I set up the kitchen just as I wanted, I chose furniture according to my taste (and budget), I devised different colour schemes for different rooms, and I spent more than I could afford on a fancy mattress to get a good night’s sleep.
But as the charm and novelty of the new address wore off, my new responsibilities as a homeowner (or renter, if you want to get pedantic about it) began to jar. It wasn’t the day-to-day cleaning and dusting that weighed upon me – mostly because I had help with that. It was the other admin stuff: Getting the ACs serviced twice a year; making sure all the utility bills were paid on time; calling in the electrician and plumber to deal with bust bulbs and choked drains; dealing with damp patches after every monsoon; the list went on and on.
It wasn’t long before I realised that life as a grown-up meant just one thing: An endless round of chores – and not all of them house-related either. It’s been a few decades since I moved into my new home in Delhi to live on my own, and since then I have shifted house more times than I care to remember, but the responsibilities have only grown with every passing year.
There is the normal everyday stuff: Thinking about what to cook for every meal; shopping for the ingredients; meal prep and the actual cooking; making sure laundry is done; keeping your plants well-tended; and so on.
And then, there is the big stuff that everyone has to deal with. Making sure that you book yourself in for a medical check-up every year (and renew your medical insurance); that your young children have had all the shots they need; regularly monitoring your parents’ health to make sure that they have medical support as they age.
In fact, as your children grow and your parents age, it can often feel like you’re being squeezed from both ends (no wonder people in this situation are called the Sandwich Generation). Teenage children need more supervision and care than toddlers to ensure that they don’t go off the rails. And it doesn’t help that around this time, the tables turn in such a way that you end up parenting your own mum and dad as they cope with the infirmities of growing old.
And it is then that you look back on the halcyon days of your youth when your mom and dad were everything from your alarm clock, your chauffeur, your cook, and your emotional support. And you realise that growing up is not all that it is cracked up to be.
From HT Brunch, June 22, 2024
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