Here's how you can apply conflict resolution skills to advance your career.

In my mind, the single greatest contributor to conflict is personal ambition. Because we are egocentric, every decision, choice and opportunity is - if not predominantly, at least materially - viewed through the lens of "how can this help me advance"? When two competing opportunities for self-advancement come into play, absent mutual self-interest, conflict arises. A couple of years ago, I decided to stop playing this game. It's really hard, and I don't always succeed, but my primary orientation is how can this help the people around me and the enterprise I work for. I find myself more at peace, more satisfied with my work, and less concerned when obstacles are thrown in my way. I just see them as one more thing to navigate.

If you can get past the hurdle of putting personal ambition aside, active listening becomes a superpower - because you can start to form your own view of what is best for your enterprise and your colleagues even if that is not necessarily what is best for you. In doing so, you get that bit closer to the truth - if there is such a thing! - and are thereby able to articulate what others may feel but cannot quite find the words to express. This is a great way to be of help on complicated matters.

I really believe in clarity of communication - but I am not always a clear communicator because I have a tendency to overcomplicate and get into the weeds. I'm a detail person, but it's the rare senior person who wants the detail. My antidote to this, for complex things, is written analysis. You can make your assumptions clear, explain your process, and justify your conclusions. This is a good way to engage on conflict. Good writing takes work and requires discipline. It is also is a great accountability mechanism - which is important when debating different viewpoints. I lot of people are afraid of doing this. They would prefer to gaslight or retroactively claim credit. See my comments on the negative effects of personal ambition above!

Especially if you are senior in an organization, direct your empathy towards the people caught in the crossfire. Meaningful disagreement between two senior people creates a lot of collateral damage - work is discounted, analysis is brushed aside, time and effort is wasted. I don't know that all of it is avoidable, but it would be nice to minimize it. Spare a thought for the junior and mid-level people caught in the swirl. Thank them for their efforts, help them out if they are wasting their time, step in to lend structure or give direction. If you operate with a founder's mentality such outcomes will annoy you, because any inefficiency is ultimately on your dime.

Finding common ground is the cornerstone of the stakeholder management super hero. If you are perceived as the person that can mediate and bring resolution and common ground to conflicting parties, that is your super power. Depending on the stakeholders and their influence to your success, it is imperative that both parties trust you implicitly. As you authentically maneuver through the hurdles of holding a position of neutrality, you need to help them understand that you have their best interest at heart. My favorite line; “ I can see where you are coming from and I’m certain if I were in your shoes, this would also be my opinion. I’m concerned for our project timeline and how we can move forward to succeed together….”

You've understood, communicated, listened, embraced tried to find common ground yet felt helpless or that not enough has been done from a career progression then do try to: • Get a sense of, if it's based on skills, perceptions or differences in points of view. • Highlight focal points of difference politely. • Once through that accept that differences may still exist. • If conflict is over a core skill set check on what can be delivered as best as possible with the other skills to achieve then exceed one's goal. • Set out to upskill. • If it's based on perceptions, run a self check on if your conflict partner is aligned on the same plane for the same destination. Answers to the above will give you clarity & a better career progression!