How can managers balance empathy and assertiveness in their communication style?

Managers can balance empathy and assertiveness in their communication style by first understanding their audience. Recognizing the individual needs, preferences, and communication styles of team members allows managers to tailor their approach accordingly, demonstrating empathy while effectively conveying their message.

Listening is a vital skill that many of us are not taught in school. Taking an empathetic approach to listening is picking up on the emotion of the message. Sometimes the feeling is stated and sometimes you need to look through what is being said to understand the emotions involved. Then relate to the emotion even if you do not relate to the situation. Look for ways to connect to frustration, sadness, or contentment. You can feel it! If you think back to an experience where you had someone giving you the space to speak, be heard, and who understood your feelings it most likely had an impact on you. What if we could be that person for someone else.

....and try not to go into 'fixing' mode! Getting the balance right can be a challenge and my experience is that many managers go into solutions mode, feeling its their responsibility to come up with solutions, rather than listening, empathising and asking 'what can I do to help?'

Active listening is a cornerstone of empathetic communication. Managers can demonstrate empathy by attentively listening to their team members, seeking to understand their perspectives, concerns, and emotions. By showing genuine interest and empathy, managers foster trust and rapport, which enhances their ability to assertively address issues.

Effective communication requires managers to be assertive without being aggressive. Assertiveness involves confidently expressing thoughts, opinions, and expectations while respecting the rights and perspectives of others. By maintaining a firm stance on important matters while remaining respectful and considerate, managers can assert themselves without causing unnecessary tension or conflict.

I find Kim Scott's 'Radical Candour' model hugely helpful here. The idea of "challenge IS care" if we do it the right way and for the right reasons was a real lightbulb moment for me. It's so easy to fall into 'ruinous empathy", being too nice and not telling people what they need to know in order to save their feelings... but the truth is people want to hear the feedback you don't feel comfortable giving. Reminding yourself you are sharing this to help them and they deserve to know - even if it might hurt to hear, is way kinder in the longer term.

People may forget what you told them, but they will never forget how you made them feel. This requires maintaining a human-centered communication style. No matter what you have to communicate, never forget that your receptor is not only a customer, colleague, boss, partner, etc., but first and foremost a human being. The empathy to listen actively, to be completely focused on your conversation and even to be prepared as much as possible before the encounter, enhances the feeling that really matters the message, the person and his/her response. If the feedback or message you need to deliver is difficult, be firm, but about the information, not the person, and always open the space for the other person to also share their perspective.

People have no idea how they are perceived. If you ask someone if they are assertive or aggressive they are sure to say assertive. If you ask if they are empathetic they probably will say yes. We can measure all of this but few people take the time to develop the self-awareness to know their tendencies and preferences. Feedback can help in this area but it is also a moving target depending on the situation. This makes this more of a challenge. The payoff is high for the manager who gets better at this balance

Seeking feedback from team members is crucial for managers to gauge the effectiveness of their communication style. Encouraging open and honest feedback allows managers to assess how their approach is perceived and make necessary adjustments to better balance empathy and assertiveness in their communication.

Balancing empathy and assertiveness is a skill that requires practice and refinement. Managers can improve their communication style by consistently practicing active listening, adjusting their tone and approach based on feedback, and consciously striving to find the right balance between empathy and assertiveness in various situations. Regular reflection and self-assessment can help managers continually refine their communication skills and build stronger, more productive relationships with their teams.

Really tune into what your team members are saying, and try to get a feel for their emotions and where they're coming from. It's not just about the words they're saying, but the feelings behind them. Keep your emotions in check and try to understand how others are feeling. It's all about being empathetic and assertive without coming off as a bully. Make sure your team feels comfortable sharing their thoughts and feedback. It's all about creating a space where everyone feels heard and can speak their mind. And remember, it's all about creating a space where everyone feels heard and understood, but also making sure the work gets done. You've got this!