How can you help others overcome survivor guilt?

Survivor guilt is a common and complex emotional reaction that occurs when someone survives a traumatic event or situation that others did not. It can cause feelings of guilt, shame, anger, depression, and anxiety that interfere with daily functioning and well-being. If you know someone who is struggling with survivor guilt, you might wonder how you can help them cope and heal. Here are some tips to support them in their journey.

1 Acknowledge their pain

The first step to help someone overcome survivor guilt is to acknowledge their pain and validate their emotions. Don't dismiss, minimize, or judge their feelings, even if you don't understand them or agree with them. Listen to them with empathy and compassion, and let them know that you are there for them. Avoid clichés, platitudes, or comparisons that might make them feel worse, such as "everything happens for a reason", "you should be grateful", or "others have it worse". Instead, express your concern, care, and respect for their experience.

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Phillip B.

Remedial Massage therapist
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Do not acknowledge their pain. You as a listener may not have been through what the talker is going through. The talker’s particular situation. Never dismiss the talker. Be prepared to be shocked if the open up. I am a multiple Suicide survivor from multiple sexual abuse as a young person. All I wanted is someone to listen and not give me fake sympathy.

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2 Encourage them to seek help

Survivor guilt can be overwhelming and debilitating, and sometimes professional help is needed to overcome it. Encourage your loved one to seek help from a therapist, counselor, or support group that specializes in trauma and grief. They can help them process their emotions, challenge their negative thoughts, and develop coping skills. They can also provide them with resources, referrals, and information that might be helpful for their situation. Don't force them to seek help, but gently suggest it and offer to help them find it.

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Phillip B.

Remedial Massage therapist
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Being a multiple sexual abuse survivor, I often wonder why I managed to work through my depression when others cannot. I get very guilty when I read other people who are survivors of abuse then succumb to their thoughts and take their life.

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3 Help them find meaning

Survivor guilt can make someone feel lost, hopeless, and purposeless. They might question their identity, values, and beliefs, and wonder why they survived while others did not. Help them find meaning in their survival and their life by helping them explore their passions, interests, and goals. Encourage them to engage in activities that bring them joy, satisfaction, and fulfillment, such as hobbies, volunteering, learning, or working. Help them connect with their spirituality, faith, or philosophy, if they have one, and find ways to honor and remember those who died.

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Phillip B.

Remedial Massage therapist
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My wife helped me to keep looking forward. When I lost my job 4 months ago I went into a tale spin, my abuse came back and the fact at nearly 62 I am unemployable now. Put these together I sat in my bath full of hot water and a knife. My wife and I had a talk about finances. She pushed me to do my diploma in massage. Building on cert4. Thanks to her I’m still here. And re education at 62 .

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4 Support their self-care

Survivor guilt can take a toll on someone's physical, mental, and emotional health. They might neglect their basic needs, such as eating, sleeping, exercising, and relaxing. They might also isolate themselves from others, avoid triggers, or use unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance abuse, self-harm, or risky behaviors. Support their self-care by helping them meet their needs and practice healthy habits. Remind them to eat well, sleep enough, exercise regularly, and relax often. Invite them to socialize with you and others who care about them, and respect their boundaries and preferences. Help them find positive ways to cope with their stress, such as meditation, journaling, art, or music.

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5 Be patient and consistent

Survivor guilt is not something that can be resolved quickly or easily. It can take a long time and a lot of effort to overcome it. Be patient and consistent with your loved one, and don't expect them to heal or change overnight. Don't pressure them to move on, get over it, or be happy. Don't criticize them, blame them, or compare them to others. Don't give up on them, abandon them, or ignore them. Instead, be supportive, understanding, and compassionate. Check in on them regularly, offer your help, and follow through on your promises. Let them know that you love them, and that they are not alone.

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6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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How can you help others overcome survivor guilt?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 Acknowledge their pain

2 Encourage them to seek help

3 Help them find meaning

4 Support their self-care

5 Be patient and consistent

6 Here’s what else to consider

Stress Management

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How can you help others overcome survivor guilt?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 Acknowledge their pain

2 Encourage them to seek help

3 Help them find meaning

4 Support their self-care

5 Be patient and consistent

6 Here’s what else to consider

Stress Management

Rate this article

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