How do you practice and rehearse a funeral speech effectively?

Over the years I have had many friends in the ministry. All of them have had to do many funerals. These pastors often tell me that the hardest eulogies are those for people they did not know well. Often people will ask them to perform the funeral service and they never met the deceased. They tell me that the best way they can serve the families is to take the time to have family members share stories and anecdotes about the deceased. They don't use everything they learn, but they pick and choose the most appropriate stories to share that reveal the character of the deceased in the best light. As with any speech, preparation is the key to giving a good eulogy.

When honoring a person close to your heart at a funeral, your primary focus should be on them, aiming to immortalize their impact both during the event and afterwards. Begin by deeply reflecting on shared experiences, both within and outside the official setting, cataloging even seemingly minor moments. Next, set clear criteria for what makes these stories memorable—be it their character, wisdom, or personal anecdotes. This strategy ensures you stay on track, selecting only the most poignant tales that encapsulate their essence. The subject cannot be present; so, you're crafting a speech that captivates and resonates with everyone present, painting a vibrant, comprehensive picture of the subject's influence and legacy.

At this point, your speech should embody your message, tone, and themes eloquently. Yet, as you rehearse, you'll encounter phrases that feel unnatural or slightly miss the mark. This phase demands refinement—edit and practice repeatedly until the speech feels entirely your own. How will you know it's right? When you can articulate it effortlessly, with the authenticity of casual conversation, not AI-generated or laden with jargon. Embrace minor imperfections—a stumble or pause—mirroring real-life communication. These human touches transform a good speech into a memorable one, deeply resonating with the audience. Aim for a delivery that's beautifully imperfect, for it's in those moments that your speech becomes humanly impactful.

Once you've reflected on and ranked your stories, select 3-8 of them based on the length and allotted time for your speech. Start experimenting with these stories, pinpointing a central theme for each. This helps clarify the key messages you aim to deliver. It's normal to feel overwhelmed, but this step is crucial for coherence. You'll likely discover overlapping themes, which are your gold mines. Use these to build your speech's framework, filling it with rich narratives and insights. This methodical approach ensures your speech is impactful, delivering a cohesive and memorable message about a human figure (who cannot be present) to your on-the-spot audience.

In crafting a speech to celebrate a human figure who is no longer present, start and conclude with personal stories you've both shared; such genuine anecdotes will profoundly resonate. Remember, this isn't a sales pitch, so there's no need to oversell. By simply sharing authentic experiences about them, you've already secured at least 50% of your success. Real, heartfelt stories have the power to deeply connect and showcase the true essence of the subject's impact and character.

Similar to a wedding toast, a eulogy isn’t about you, it’s about paying final respects to the deceased while providing comfort and closure to those in mourning. While there are many factors which may influence the length, tone and content of your eulogy, as a rule of thumb less is probably more. Reflect on what you really want to convey to those in mourning about how the deceased impacted your life or what they meant to you. Think of a few examples that speak to those points and then write from the heart. Most of us aren’t Ciceros, and given the grief you’re working through, try not to worry if your eulogy isn’t highly polished. That’s not to say you shouldn’t practice, you should, just leave some grace for yourself and your emotions.