How can you turn resistance and defensiveness into opportunities for growth in coachees?

Playification is a mindset-driven high-performance approach that can make a difference when defensiveness comes into a coaching relationship. Leaders who think this way see career challenges as play- an obstacle they can explore- and something they can learn from and improve over time. It's the same mindset kids have when they master the monkey bars at recess- no one is driving them to succeed but their own sense of discovery and willingness to try and fail. Coaches who encourage a play-based mindset can help their clients reduce anxiety and be more open to feedback by helping them see improvement as an ongoing game, rather than a pass/fail one-time scenario, especially by reminding them of past moments when learning/growth felt like play.

Incorporating sport psychology and mindfulness principles in executive coaching, we understand resistance in coachees as a natural defense to perceived threats. Sport psychology teaches us the value of mental resilience, while mindfulness fosters awareness and acceptance of one's thoughts and emotions. Addressing resistance involves creating a safe space for vulnerability, employing active listening, and promoting self-reflection. By applying these principles, we guide coachees through their defenses, encouraging growth and transformation by embracing challenges as opportunities for development.

To transform resistance and defensiveness into growth opportunities, the concept of "psychological safety," is pivotal. This entails creating an environment where coachees feel secure in expressing themselves without fear of negative consequences. When individuals perceive their social setting as safe, they're more likely to take risks, admit mistakes, and embrace learning, turning moments of defensiveness into catalysts for personal and professional development. This approach encourages openness and vulnerability, key for overcoming barriers to growth.

S'opposer aux émotions c'est s'engager à réagir négativement. Accueillir une situations tendue, un challenge important, un stress imposé, une situation conflictuelle ou tout autre événement perçu comme une difficulté peut être à l'inverse une opportunité pour soi ou l'autre . Le travail d'introspection et de conscientisation que propose la séance de coaching, le permet

Emphasize the harsh truth that change doesn't come from a position of comfort. If the goal is change, things must change. Embrace the growing pains. Trust the process.

Reactivity and defensiveness are signs the coachee is temporarily acting out egoic defenses. The coach must remain present and from that stillness, invite the coachee into presence and Being. It's paradoxical: to help the coachee out of defensiveness, the coach must first act on themselves. Validating and making space and containing the emotions of the coachee, without being dragged into them and their mental scripts or narratives.

Quando surge uma resistência num processo de Coaching é importante refletir imediatamente sobre alguns pontos: 1. O que essa situação desperta em mim? Consigo me desidentificar da situação e evitar minha resistência a situação do cliente? 2. Consigo acolher essa situação e manter uma escuta aberta, para ajudar o cliente a compreender sua própria questão? 3. Tenho paciência o suficiente para ajudar o cliente a explorar, (se ele quiser), a questão em todos os ângulos (360), como algo situacional, um padrão de vida etc. Em geral a escuta ativa, a empatia, o foco na relação entre o cliente e sua questão, traz a autoconsciência, para que o cliente abra novos canais e encontre soluções.

A powerful question when a coachee shares a problem or is stuck in describing their drama is “what do you want instead?” This immediately shifts the persons perspective from a negative state to a positive one, envisioning a goal to work towards.

Careful with this question: it subtly implies that the coach needs to find a way, through techniques, to bypass the resistance and defensiveness. The risk is that the coachee is likely to perceive this as an invalidation of their feelings and a manipulation. If instead, the coach remains present, and non-judgmentally validates the defensiveness and resistance, he/she is inviting the coachee to join in that presence, and from that place, creativity emerges and lessons can *then* be learned and the co-creation happen.

The coach needs to take coaching themselves, first and foremost. It's not possible to coach others, if you yourself are not continuously working on yourself and transcending your own limitations. That makes you humble, compassionate and human and it's only from that place that you can support others and help them grow as well. *Then* ask for feedback of how this overall process is going for you. But take coaching (supervision is great, but it's still you working with clients, it's not you being coached).

Presence is the key: self-observation of your own ego and its mechanisms. If coaching is not making you humble, you are not doing it correctly :) This is a profession that will put you in a place of often not knowing what to do, how to continue with a session that is not producing results. It's like having a crack in the shell of your own ego every one of those times - and thus a tremendous opportunity for growth and personal enlightenment.

Leverage resistance as a reflection point. Encourage coachees to view their defensiveness as a signal, prompting introspection about what's truly at stake. This perspective shift transforms resistance into a moment of self-awareness, offering valuable insights into personal triggers and coping mechanisms, thereby facilitating a deeper level of personal growth and resilience development.

Avoir de l'empathie et chercher à poser des questions pour comprendre les raisons de la résistance. Partager son témoignage sur des choses où on a été soi même résistant au changement et comment ou ce qui nous amener accepter le changement pour progresser et avoir de bons résultats