How can you use MI techniques to improve parenting skills?

If you are a parent, you know how challenging it can be to communicate effectively with your children, especially when they are struggling with emotions, behaviors, or choices. You may feel frustrated, angry, helpless, or guilty when you try to guide them, but they resist, argue, or shut down. How can you use motivational interviewing (MI) techniques to improve your parenting skills? MI is a collaborative, goal-oriented, and respectful approach to help people change their behaviors by exploring and resolving their ambivalence. MI can help you as a parent to foster a positive and supportive relationship with your child, to understand their perspective and needs, to elicit their own motivation and values, and to empower them to make positive changes. In this article, we will introduce some MI principles and skills that you can apply to your parenting style.

1 MI Principles

MI is based on four core principles: partnership, acceptance, compassion, and evocation. Partnership means that you work with your child as an ally, not as an authority or an adversary. You respect their autonomy and choices, and you avoid imposing your agenda or solutions. Acceptance means that you acknowledge and affirm your child's strengths, efforts, and potential, and you accept them as they are, without judgment or criticism. Compassion means that you care for your child's well-being and best interests, and you act in a way that benefits them, not yourself. Evocation means that you draw out your child's own reasons and goals for change, rather than telling them what to do or why. You believe that they have the resources and ability to change, and you help them discover and enhance them.

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Abigail Eck

Psychotherapist and Owner at Point of Convergence, PLLC
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I find the long-term effects of using MI in parenting to be just as noteworthy. Long-term, we see adults who recognize they have autonomy but sees the value in collaboration. We see adults who know who they are and why they do the things they do. They feel rooted in themselves and connected to others in a meaningful, pro-social way.

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Dr. Joey (The Traveling Social Workers)™ Pagano, DSW, LSW, CRS, FPS, Life Coach

🥇 2024 Mental Health America, Pittsburgh Recovery Walk Advocate, NASW Emerging Leader, & PA Peer Support Coalition Award Winner🥇 | 2 X #1 Best-Seller & Pulitzer Contender 🛠️ | Pioneer in SUD Education 🌱
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🌈"Discovering Magic in the Mundane!!!!! I've witnessed the transformative power of Motivational Interviewing (MI) in parenting. Once, I guided a struggling single dad. We didn't focus on "fixing" his parenting. Instead, we explored his dreams for his child's future. 🌱 Through open-ended questions, affirmations, reflective listening, and summarizing (OARS), he unearthed his own strengths and solutions. This approach didn't just improve his parenting skills; it reignited his passion as a dad. 💪 🤔 Ever wondered how your aspirations for your child can reshape your parenting journey? Let's explore this together! 🚀 #ParentingWithPurpose #SocialWorkInsights

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Jeri Lyn Larson (NBC-HWC)

Child Mental Health Social Worker I National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach I Certified ADHD Life Coach I BetterUp Care Coach
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Using the principles of MI aligns with an Authoritative parenting style (commonly referred to as gentle parenting). This parenting style is often considered the most effective style by professionals (and parents who are willing to try it). The idea is that you treat your children as humans with their own thoughts, ideas, and motivations. You nurture and support who they are. You allow them to have some level of control and autonomy over their lives. You use discussions and explanations to modify behavior rather than anger, fear, and punishment. But you also have boundaries with your children. You listen to your children but you don't always go along with what they say.

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2 MI Skills

MI involves four basic skills: open-ended questions, affirmations, reflections, and summaries. Open-ended questions are questions that invite your child to express their thoughts, feelings, and opinions, rather than questions that require a yes or no answer. For example, instead of asking "Did you do your homework?", you can ask "How did you manage your time today?" Affirmations are statements that recognize and appreciate your child's strengths, efforts, and achievements, rather than statements that praise or reward them. For example, instead of saying "Good job on your test!", you can say "You worked hard to prepare for your test." Reflections are statements that restate or rephrase what your child said, to show that you are listening and understanding them, and to encourage them to elaborate or clarify. For example, if your child says "I hate school", you can reflect by saying "You are feeling frustrated with school." Summaries are statements that recap what your child said, to highlight the main points and themes, and to transition to the next topic or action. For example, after a conversation about your child's interests and goals, you can summarize by saying "So you enjoy music and art, and you want to pursue a career in that field."

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Claudio Scaramelli

Health Coach | Preventive Health Evangelist | Health-Tech Enthusiast | Stretching Teacher
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In reflecting on the 'open-ended questions' skill of MI, I'm reminded of a time when our daughter first started primary school. Back then, my wife and I were unfamiliar with MI techniques, yet, intuitively, we adopted a similar approach. We focused on fostering confidence, autonomy, and ownership in her. This approach not only helped her feel more in control but also opened up a channel for deeper communication, and became our natural approach in all the other dimensions of our parental relationship. It's fascinating how, even without formal knowledge of MI, our parental instincts often align with its principles in empowering and understanding our children.

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3 MI Processes

MI follows four processes: engaging, focusing, evoking, and planning. Engaging is the process of establishing a trusting and respectful relationship with your child, by using the MI skills and principles. Focusing is the process of finding and maintaining a specific direction or goal for the conversation, by negotiating and agreeing on what your child wants to work on or change. Evoking is the process of eliciting and strengthening your child's own motivation and commitment for change, by exploring and resolving their ambivalence, and by using the MI skills to elicit change talk and soften sustain talk. Change talk is any speech that indicates a desire, ability, reason, need, or commitment to change. Sustain talk is any speech that indicates a preference, ability, reason, need, or commitment to maintain the status quo. Planning is the process of developing and implementing a concrete and realistic action plan for change, by using the MI skills to elicit your child's ideas and preferences, and by supporting their self-efficacy and confidence.

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4 MI Benefits

MI can benefit your parenting skills in many ways. MI can help you to improve your communication and listening skills, to reduce conflict and resistance, to increase cooperation and collaboration, to enhance your empathy and understanding, to foster your child's autonomy and responsibility, to support your child's growth and development, and to strengthen your bond and trust. MI can also help you to address specific issues or challenges that your child may face, such as academic performance, peer pressure, substance use, mental health, or self-esteem.

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5 MI Tips

Here are some tips to help you apply MI to your parenting style. First, be curious and open-minded, rather than judgmental and closed-minded. Try to understand your child's perspective and needs, rather than assuming or imposing yours. Second, be supportive and encouraging, rather than coercive and demanding. Try to help your child find their own solutions and resources, rather than telling them what to do or how to do it. Third, be flexible and adaptable, rather than rigid and fixed. Try to adjust your approach and strategies according to your child's readiness and willingness to change, rather than sticking to a predetermined plan or outcome. Fourth, be patient and respectful, rather than impatient and disrespectful. Try to follow your child's pace and lead, rather than pushing or pulling them. Fifth, be realistic and optimistic, rather than unrealistic and pessimistic. Try to acknowledge your child's challenges and difficulties, but also their strengths and possibilities.

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6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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How can you use MI techniques to improve parenting skills?

1

2

3

4

5

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1 MI Principles

2 MI Skills

3 MI Processes

4 MI Benefits

5 MI Tips

6 Here’s what else to consider

Motivational Interviewing

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How can you use MI techniques to improve parenting skills?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 MI Principles

2 MI Skills

3 MI Processes

4 MI Benefits

5 MI Tips

6 Here’s what else to consider

Motivational Interviewing

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