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Anxiety can make us feel heated. Fortunately, evolution has given us a reliable mechanism to cool down, if we can only remember to do it.

Many alienating parents exhibit narcissistic traits – they have an inherent need for control, validation, and to be considered the superior parent. Narcissistic individuals often possess a heightened sense of entitlement and a lack of empathy, which drives them to engage in manipulative and abusive behaviours. But when they realise that we see through their charm, confidence, and facade, they may either attempt to maintain control and continue their deception or, if that fails and their ego is at risk of exposure, they will go on the offensive. It’s not pretty. This reaction is typically covert. We are called ‘target’ parents because many others fail to feel the impact of it; the focus is precisely on the alienated parent. Alienators strive to keep their harmful behaviours, cruelty, and emotional abuse hidden from others. Similarly, narcissists often need to protect their public image and maintain an illusion of being a ‘winner’. This is one reason they set about manipulating and weaponising their children against the other parent. They may portray themselves as victims or heroes, depending on what serves their purpose, while their true nature remains concealed behind a façade. The problem with narcissists is that they become so enmeshed in their lies and deceit that they fail to recognise how transparent (or harmful) they are to others. The alienated parent’s deepest hope is for the courts, mental health professionals, social workers, and, most importantly, our children, to see through the façade and understand the reality behind the scenes. NB: Lord Flashheart in the Blackadder series, possibly inspired by Sir Harry Flashman, the cowardly but idolised hero of George MacDonald Fraser's 'Flashman' novels, is a narcissistic - preening, , self-aggrandising, vain, arrogant and doing whatever works best for himself, regardless of others. #charliemccready #parentalalienationcoach #parentalalienation #parentalalienationawareness #coparentingwithanarcissist #childcustody #childabuse #familycourt #highconflictdivorce #custody #custodybattle #parentalalienationischildabuse #parentalalienationisacrime #fathersrights #mothersrights #childrensrights #parentalrights #sharedparenting #parentalalienationsyndrome #familyviolence #fathersmatter #mothersmatter #survivingparentalalienation #generationaltrauma #parentalalienatingbehaviours #falseallegations #traumabonding #traumabond #coercivecontrol #narcissisticparent

With narcissistic traits and attachment disorders often driving their behaviour, alienators view themselves as the superior parent, beyond reproach and unbound by the need to justify their actions. This inflated sense of superiority allows them to manipulate and control their child's perception, believing they can act without facing consequences. Tragically, this mindset is often reinforced by mental health professionals and family courts, who may misinterpret the child's alignment with the alienating parent as genuine love or protection rather than the result of coercive control and psychological abuse. When confronted with the need for accountability—whether by a co-parent, a therapist, or a court—the alienating parent reacts defensively, perceiving it as a threat to their carefully constructed narrative. They are rarely willing to face the truth about their toxic behaviour, preferring instead to deflect blame and maintain the illusion of being the 'better' parent. Systemic failures further enable this evasion of responsibility in recognising and addressing parental alienation. While financial support arrangements are enforced with rigour, custodial agreements are often overlooked, allowing the alienating parent to ignore court orders with little consequence. This lack of accountability exacerbates the frustration and pain of the alienated parent, who watches helplessly as their relationship with their child deteriorates. The alienating parent’s ability to manipulate the system and avoid responsibility not only perpetuates the abuse but also denies the targeted parent and child the justice and support they desperately need. The refusal to accept accountability is a profound betrayal, depriving the child of a balanced, loving relationship with both parents and leaving the alienated parent isolated and heartbroken. The failure to recognise parental alienation as a serious issue echoes past societal blind spots. For example, domestic violence was not widely recognised as a criminal act until relatively recently, with laws addressing it only gaining traction in the late 20th century. Similarly, women in Switzerland only gained the right to vote in 1971, a systemic form of societal abuse and discrimination that took far, far too long to rectify. Progress happens so slowly. But, there is hope that parental alienation will eventually break into mainstream consciousness; acknowledged in media and public discussions, and as more public figures and advocates speak out, awareness will grow. More importantly, the recognition of parental alienation as a mental health emergency—rather than merely a legal issue—is crucial. I hope that one day, the trauma caused by parental alienation will be understood, validated, and addressed with the seriousness it deserves. Just as society has evolved to recognise other forms of abuse, so too can it come to terms with the reality of parental alienation, offering hope and healing to those affected #parentalalienation

The first thing to recognise and address is that those of us who have been the target of parental alienation have been psychologically abused and possibly suffer from a complex trauma called traumatic grief. Complex trauma is often related to disorganized attachment pathology and narcissistic/borderline personality pathology. To survive this, it helps to take active steps to understand and process the experience. The judgments, criticism, blame, guilt, and shame that have been unloaded on you – it’s a LOT. Remember, you are a good parent, you love your child, and you are the mentally healthy person in this dynamic. You know this. What has happened is a terrible injustice. Chances are, you’ve been drawn into the alienating parent’s unresolved trauma reenactment from childhood. A high-conflict divorce or separation has triggered their (false) sense of being a ‘victimised child,’ and they’ve cast you in the role of the ‘abusive parent’ because of their ‘pathological mourning’—their inability to process feelings of disappointment, abandonment, loss, and grief. Instead, they may be projecting all their childhood trauma onto you and become angry and vengeful. There’s an emptiness inside the borderline personality, and they need to be centre of attention to feel validated. They react to imagined or real insults or failures with fury and outrage, victimising and blaming, and becoming hyper-anxious and fearful around signs of the parental figure (the target parent) abandoning them. Similarly, the narcissistic personality has a void at their core too, coupled with a tendency towards grandiosity and self-reverence stemming from a sense of inadequacy. These pathologies can often (though not always) result in alienating behaviours. Unfortunately, this can become transgenerational as the child gets caught up in the personality disorder of the alienating parent, and the pathogenic parenting practices create the child’s rejection of a loving and loved parent. You’re having to deal with the alienating parent’s own complex trauma while experiencing the traumatic grief over the loss of the prior relationship you had with your child. And meanwhile, the alienated child is as fearful of their aligned parent as they are loyal and loving, constantly in fear of abandonment, just as their alienating parent might have been in their childhood. It is incredibly important you take care of yourself, and find a way to be happy. Do not let the trauma become part of who you are, because it is NOT you. At the same time, dealing with this/detaching/healing has to start with you. As an analogy, if our plane is going down, we put the oxygen mask on ourselves first. We need to take care of our emotional, mental and psychological health and be the stable, loving, happy parent our child/ren can return to when they too have healed. While they’re caught up in alienation, they may not know they need to heal from it. We have to wait so patiently. #parentalalienation

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