The importance of grief for resilience

Did you know that you make roughly 35,000 choices every single day? Some are small, like deciding on what to eat for lunch, and some are big, like deciding whether to stay at your job. With any choice made comes a choice or many choices lost. One of the most difficult but important realizations that I had in adulthood is that there are rarely right or wrong choices in life. Really, there are just different paths to take, and with every choice you make you have to grieve the loss of all you didn't choose. In this way, grief and growth are deeply connected. People often think that grieving only happens after the loss of a loved one. But actually, it should happen with any ending loss or disappointment, even the small, everyday losses of life. And sometimes we think about grief being caused only by things beyond our control. But in reality, grief often comes from the choices that we make for ourselves. By grieving, you honor what you've lost and acknowledge that something mattered to you. And in doing that, you can step more fully and authentically into the choices you have made and the realities that are available to you. So how do you grieve the small stuff? Firstly, acknowledge the loss and allow yourself to feel the weight and significance of what you are letting go of, even if it was the right choice to make. You worked on this in the last video. Sometimes it helps to write down what you're feeling. Next, seek support. Sharing your experience with someone who can understand and give you support is a hugely important part of grieving. Whether you're joining a support group or just sending a slack message to a co-worker talking about feeling disappointed about something, let yourself lean on others. Next, create a ritual or ceremony to help with closure. There's a reason so many cultures have ceremonies around grief. It allows you to honor and experience and then move forward. You might write a letter about the loss that you'll never send or just go for a walk in nature. Whatever helps you acknowledge where you've been and where you're going. Finally, once you've grieved, redirect your energy. Take a look at the path or reality in front of you and pour your energy into creating the most meaning you can with the options available to you now. Set new goals, invest in your relationships, and keep taking care of yourself. Find a way to weave the loss you experienced into the larger story of your life. Let's practice this together. Think of one small loss or disappointment that you've experienced recently, and work your way through these four steps. Try not to minimize it. It's okay if it's a tiny loss. Take note of how you feel as you work through the steps.