From the course: Persecutors, Victims, and Rescuers: How to Deal with Psychological Games Players

A few examples

From the course: Persecutors, Victims, and Rescuers: How to Deal with Psychological Games Players

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A few examples

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- So we've looked at 20 games, but I just want to add one more video to this section to say that once you've seen the persecutor victim rescuer triangle, you realize that almost every annoying statement is on the triangle. Examples of things that are actually on the triangle would be, for example, I was only joking because that's partly rescuer, but there's a bit of persecutor in there as well, isn't there? Or I told you so, whereas I told you so on the triangle, well, it's, I did try to rescue you, but you didn't listen. So it's a hint of persecute and victim and that's all three that one actually, well, it's for your own good. So that one's rescue, I guess, with persecute, I'm persecuting you, but it's for your own good. So I'm not going to let you have this chocolate, it's for your own good. I'm persecuting you because I'm a rescuer or the things I do for you. So the things I do for you is a rescuer with a bit of a victim, isn't it? Or if only you'd listened, again that's rescue with a hint of persecute or is that the thanks I get? So that's rescue with a bit of a victim or I should never have let you do that. That's victim and persecute I think. Well started with rescue and it's ending with victim and persecute. And then there's, it's all right for you. Now that's a mini version of wood and leg, isn't it? It's all right for you. And it could just be a casual throwaway comment. It's all right for you. But of course, what they're really doing is persecuting 'cause they're a victim. Or now look what you've made me do. Or the ultimate one, I remember at school, I was caned at school it's illegal now, but I was a bit naughty sometimes And they used to give me the cane. The headmaster would say, "This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you." And I remember thinking what? It's not going to hurt you more than it hurts me. And the headmaster was basically saying that he was a victim, and he was going to came me because he cared and it was actually going to hurt him to cane me. So he's basically saying that although he looks like a persecutor, he's a victim and a rescuer, but of course, really he was a persecutor. So these types of statements, they're a little bit gamey. They are at the very least a prelude to a game or a shorthand version of a game. And they're annoying because there isn't an easy answer, there isn't an easy target because the person's being both a persecutor and a victim at the same time or whatever the combination is. That because they're game related, you have the same options as you do with full on games. So you've got things like ignoring it, asking for evidence, telling them that you find that that phrase is really irritating, those sorts of things, which we're going to come to in our solutions section. So even with annoying statements, the solutions I'm going to come to will help. So let's get onto those strategies now.

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