Almost 5 years ago I discovered I had ADHD. I was in my mid-40s and it turned my world upside down. I spent 6 months grieving and then a year working with a therapist re-examining every aspect of my life through this lens: I have ALWAYS had a hidden and profoundly different neurological wiring than most people.
The most damaging parts of my hidden ADHD were not the typical stuff you might think of like inattention and impulsivity, though those caused me plenty of problems. FAR more sinister were the rejection sensitivity and emotional hyperarousal. Have you ever been irritated by a critical comment from your boss? Imagine that blowing up in your head and creating enough agitation to utterly distract you at work for 3 days.
Most of us with ADHD have HUGE feelings. My emotional highs and lows look like the Kingda Ka roller coaster at Six Flags. Every day. All the time. I struggled to manage negative feelings like anxiety and boredom and to counteract self-sabotaging behaviors like procrastination and avoidance. Masking my emotions was exhausting and confusing, and especially irksome when others had NO idea why I was so intense, triggered, or upset.
Through no fault of my own, I often felt less-than and othered. And this, of course, was invisible to everyone around me.
That’s changing for me now. Due to a lot of ongoing self-discovery and inner work, I’m now pursuing professional activities that fill me with energy and joy, and that I can CRUSH using my natural strengths - curiosity about others, deep empathy, listening, and non-linear thinking. And I’m in league with “my people”, others who have the innate desire to go deep, to explore what makes us tick, and to help.
In case you have recently discovered that you have ADHD, or suspect it, know this: You are whole, creative, resourceful, and most certainly NOT broken. This is why I’m sharing my story. Just because this world is not designed for people like us, does NOT mean we can’t thrive in it with an extra helping of self-love and some guidance from people who get it. And we’re not alone, there are millions of us. We have a community.
A quick word on the term ADHD, which stands for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - it’s plain awful! I would invite everyone to move away from the word disorder - our brain circuitry is neither deranged nor requires fixing. We simply move through this world in a different way that has its own beauty, pace, and place. Let’s acknowledge and celebrate that.
So if you are like me and have struggled to find a professional groove that feels natural, here are some questions to reflect on: What are you passionate about? What gives you energy? What would be possible for you if you named your deepest fear? What’s the one thing about you that your loved ones have always said you’re SO good at?
I'd suggest writing down your answers or speaking them out loud to a trusted person. There is real power to bringing your thoughts into the world in these ways.