On Wednesday night, I attended the HoLT Christmas party, organised by the remarkable and bloody lovely Lea 🌈 Turner. I had planned my outfit in advance, choosing an 80s cocktail dress that I could happily wear forever! I did my hair and nails and prepared myself to take my introverted, neurodivergent self out to party with 230 other members of the HoLT community. So why did I feel disconnected and discombobulated for most of the night, leaving me to berate myself for not being the fun, sparkly, chatty, and engaging person I know I can be?
I have been pausing and reflecting on the situational factors that contributed to my dysregulation:
- Lack of sleep: Waking up during the night or having difficulty falling asleep meant I felt tired when I arrived at the party.
- Train delays: The trains that night were cancelled and severely delayed, so I arrived late to the party and felt overwhelmed by walking into a room filled with so many people. Arriving early allows me to adapt better to an increase in people, as it happens gradually.
- "Chickengate": The vegan and non-vegan food bowls were mixed up, with a 'Vegan' sign in front. Consequently, I accidentally ate some chicken, which I haven't consumed since 2017. This sent me into a bit of a tailspin. I reported this to the HoLT team and the venue manager, both of whom were supportive and took my complaint seriously.
I want to emphasise that the HoLT Christmas Party was a vibrant, welcoming, and joyous space, even though there were:
- A community of people who were open and willing to socialise, and I had some lovely conversations with several of them.
- A quiet room for decompressing.
- A fabtabulous DJ.
- Karaoke, which is usually a favourite of mine.
- Good vegan food (despite "Chickengate"); the spring rolls were delicious!
In short, you can have all the right ingredients for a wonderful Christmas party, but being neurodivergent, along with the situational factors mentioned above, can sometimes make it difficult to be fully present and engaged.
So what are the important slays for me?
- I succeeded just by attending the HoLT event.
- I will continue to attend; the more I participate, the more comfortable I will feel.
- I will accept all aspects of myself with compassion.
- I will buy more 80s cocktail dresses.
If you are reading this and it resonates with you, I hope you show yourself some compassion and enjoy the Christmas season however you choose to celebrate it.
Happy Friday! x
Registered and licensed Medical Officer Deputy medical superintendent at Cheptalal subcounty hospital.
3moGreat advice doc