I will take responsibility by telling that there are two sides to every story. Disheartening, that young people had to reach this stage of school refusal for someone to do something to help. And, more importantly we are left as usual, only seeing half the picture. It's the half where sympathy would be easily and readily available. But what we actually need could be something entirely different, one thing we need is understanding that all young people react differently to unwelcoming and hostile environments. If young people refuse to go to school and are allowed to do so, then maybe the are in a privileged position that many are not. Many are not given that get out card by their parents. Being bullied in school? How many young people are affected by this issue? Them all, I'd say, every last one of them. 🌂 An extract from my own thoughts... 'But not one day did he refuse to go to school, they're extraordinary young people and as their mother, I will say this with my hand on my heart' But it was I, the parent who was missing the knowledge to remove my child to safety... I trusted and I believed in the system. 🌂 Safety? What is safety in schools. I believe safety is 100% acceptance that every child has a right to a full, proper and meaningful education, that every child is 100% seen & heard & every child are given 100% freedom. Freedom to move about schools without bullying and freedom to go to classes and to learn in peace. It's simply kind adults doing a good job, and if we need to force grownups to be kind, then maybe there are a whole load of questions that needs to be asked that hasn't been asked. ?
Child & Adolescent Anxiety, Neurodevelopment Educator | Founder, Hey Sigmund | Speaker | Author 'Hey Warrior'
School ‘refusal’ (as in anxiety driven school avoidance, not wilful intent) is escalating. Something that’s troubling me is the use of the word ‘school can’t’ when talking about kids. Stay with me. First, let’s be clear: school avoidance isn’t about won’t. It’s about can’t. Not truly can’t but felt can’t. It’s about anxiety making school feel so unsafe for a child, avoidance feels like the only option. Here’s the problem. Language is powerful, and when we put ‘can’t’ onto a child, it tells a deficiency story about the child. But school ‘refusal’ isn’t about the child. It’s about the environment not feeling safe enough right now, or separation from a parent not feeling safe enough right now. The ‘can’t’ isn’t about the child. It’s about an environment that can’t support the need for felt safety - yet. This can happen in even the most loving, supportive schools. All schools are full of anxiety triggers. They need to be because anything new, hard, brave, growthful will always come with potential threats - maybe failure, judgement, shame. Even if these are so unlikely, the brain won’t care. All it will read is ‘danger’. Of course sometimes school actually isn’t safe. Maybe peer relationships are tricky. Maybe teachers are shouty and still using outdated ways to manage behaviour. Maybe sensory needs aren’t met. Most of the time though it’s not actual threat but ’felt threat’. The deficiency isn’t with the child. It’s with the environment. The question isn’t how do we get rid of their anxiety. It’s how do we make the environment feel safe enough so they can feel supported enough to handle the discomfort of their anxiety. We can throw all the resources we want at the child, but: - if the parent doesn’t believe the child is safe enough, cared for enough, capable enough; or - if school can’t provide enough felt safety for the child (sensory accommodations, safe peer relationships, at least one predictable adult the child feels safe with and cared for by), that child will not feel safe enough. To help kids feel safe and happy at school, we have to recognise that it’s the environment that needs changing, not the child. This doesn’t mean the environment is wrong. It’s about making it feel more right for this child.♥️
