PJ Grana’s Post

I’m sitting in the airport and reflecting upon my time at the intensive coaching sessions I was part of over the past four days.  One of the gifts was a small stone with a word etched into the face.  Mine said “Strength”.  I’ve already posted about strength…so where should I go? During our sessions, we shared our “super powers” (or strengths) as well as the downside impact of those “super powers”.  Bottom line - let’s talk about weakness, or “the state or condition of lacking strength.”.  Balancing my ever-present optimism with some realism, here’s my take on weaknesses. (1) Not a weakness…simply an opportunity:  In one of my coaching sessions earlier this morning, we were discussing the metaphor of learning to ride a bike.  If someone can’t ride a bike, is that necessarily a weakness?  Or is it simply an opportunity to learn the skills and gain the experience needed to ride a bike?  While it is a good practice to be aware of the skills or knowledge you might lack in a specific area, consider how you might turn a weakness into an opportunity to learn.  Maybe it won’t become a strength or “super power”, but it won’t be a weakness any longer either. (2) Maybe it is a weakness in one area…but it is surrounded by strengths:  One of my colleagues in Santa Fe last week spoke about being an introvert.  And in a mostly extroverted group of over 120 folks, this might feel like a weakness.  From a social standpoint, it might be challenging.  But I saw this person flourish in so many other ways - engaging more deeply in 1-1 conversations than others, participating more actively when called upon (no matter how nervous they were) and more willing to channel other strengths (like deep introspection) in order to contribute to the group.  Honestly, had it not been for our own 1-1 conversations, I wouldn’t have noticed this “introverted weakness” based upon so many other characteristics. (3) A weakness to some…might complement a strength in someone else: This is the same as “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”.  One of the executives I work with is a huge visionary with a willingness to take risks in the form of rapid experimentation.  This might seem like a weakness to someone who wants to be risk-averse and engage in a process in a methodical and conservative manner. But these two folks might end up working very effectively together because their strengths and weaknesses are perfectly complementary. Bottom line - every strength has an inherent downside and all weaknesses have some associated upsides.  Test it yourself - what is the kryptonite to your “superpower” and how might you be more aware of the weaknesses related to one of your strengths? The weakness I’m dealing with right now is that I don’t sleep well on planes…and I have 18+ hours of flying time ahead of me.  The strength is that I’ll have a lot of free time for some much needed thinking time across a few areas of my life. Talk to you all soon from Sydney!

Maybe you should ask them. I've had several coaching conversations recently where somebody asks me how to handle another person. And my response is generally to ask them, not me. I don't know what's going on in their head, or how they are interpreting the situation. Only they do. The key is to ask in a respectful and collaborative way to build alignment. What most people do is treat it as a you vs. me situation where we will argue until one of us wins and the other loses. This often ends with the person with more power "winning" by using their authority to threaten to punish the other person if they don't comply. Of course, that leads to resentment and future unwillingness to do what is being asked, and the cycle repeats. What I suggest instead is to first get curious about identifying the real problem, and then addressing the problem together. Instead of being locked in conflict across the table, get on the same side of the table and work together. What does that look like? One recent example was a manager dealing with a direct report who reacts to any task given to them with variations of "No, that's not possible". The manager had been handling it by arguing for a while and then saying "because I'm the manager, just do it" (the ugly stick of authority). I suggested taking the next 1:1 to explore what's going on. Point out the pattern of saying "No" and ask about it: "I feel like your first reaction is to resist anything I say - what's going on with that? Here's a few examples." That opens up the conversation in a different way. -- Perhaps the person feels overwhelmed and can't keep up with their current workload. -- Perhaps the person just doesn't know how to do what they're being asked to do. -- Perhaps they just don't like their current job and don't want to do it any more. By getting their input into the pattern, the conversation might allow them to align on what is really going on, and address the root cause (capacity, skill, will, or something else) together. When you include the other person in understanding and addressing a pattern, you can find a way forward together. So if you're stuck in an intractable repetitive situation, maybe it's time to ask "Hey, what do you think is going on here?" Do you have an example from your experience about going from conflict to collaboration? Please share in the comments!

There is a simple change you can make that will instantly improve your life…       This is also a moment in every coaching relationship, where I know the work is working.   This simple change exists in the language we use.   Its is the non-committal, negative or evasive sentences that begin like this: I might… I should… I need to… I just need to..   As a coach I am attuned to language. These are words used to talk about actions to be taken. And I call it out each and every time.   If you tell me ‘I just need to…’ I will stop you and say ‘don’t tell me what you need to do, tell me what you are going to do’   How does it feel when you use language like this - the ‘shoulds’, the ‘I just need to’s’?   Feels like pressure doesn’t it.   But we don’t realise the pressure is being added to by our language, instead of just the thing we are speaking about. We are not aware of the language and what it’s doing to us – unless of course you are in the coaching space with me!   And the moment that blows me away: That’s when my client corrects themselves. They stop themselves before they complete the sentence and flip their own language. That’s when I know we have shifted the day to day mindset, When my client can identify and feel the language change.   So this weekend, don’t tell me what you just need to do – tell me what you are going to do!     And don’t just take my word for it – here some testimonial extracts…     ‘𝙈𝙮 𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙤𝙣 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙤𝙬 𝙄 𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩 𝙢𝙮𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙙𝙧𝙖𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙙 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙪𝙩𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙮’ ‘𝙏𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙠 𝙮𝙤𝙪, 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙠, 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙚𝙣𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙖 𝙢𝙪𝙘𝙝 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙫𝙚 𝙡𝙚𝙣𝙨’ ‘𝙄 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙖 𝙙𝙞𝙛𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣 𝙖𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙈𝙖𝙧𝙠 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨’   ----------------------------------------------------- Hi, I’m Mark I’m breaking down the value of coaching, exploring what it provides, and demonstrating how beneficial a coaching relationship will be to your success and happiness in life.   Post #13 of many... ‘shifting that internal language to create positive change’   #should #could #positivechange #personalcoaching #lifecoaching #markcarolancoaching

The truth is we’re all different. 🥰 Confidence means something different to each of us and what you need to get the level of confidence you desire will be unique to you. 🫶 Alison Ive ❤️ the idea of visualising what you’d do with 40% more confidence. ☀️ Visualisation is a 💪 tool in helping you achieve your goals. 👊👏 #nlp #coaching #insightsdiscovery

For a little while now, I've been wondering... How can I convey on social media just how powerful good coaching is? The truth is, it's probably impossible, and it might be a mistake to even try. The way these conversations work is that you're really accessing the depths of the client's mind, and when you're in there, seemingly simple comments make a huge difference. Describing it to a third party just doesn't capture what's going on. On the other hand, coaching is just so good for people that I feel I just have to try to share it any way I can. (I know there are still a lot of people who are wondering what this whole coaching thing even is...) So I want to share one post each week based on actual client conversations that week. This way you can catch a glimpse of how real people are benefiting from coaching in real time. Here are a few ideas/questions to reflect on, inspired by points that my clients and I came to in this past week's sessions: Client 1 - If you have a bad habit you really can't seem to drop, take a closer look at what goes through your mind when it's happening. You probably have some kind of mental and emotional pattern you get into that you're not fully, fully aware of. Look for ways of thinking that are perpetuating the cycle. For example: a feeling that you simply don't have any power to fight back against the undesired urge. Client 2 - It's common for men who are on the softer side to feel comfortable being the more submissive/feminine person in the relationship. However, it doesn't mean that that's what they really want, deep down. Sometimes it's a process to unlock that masculine strength to be a strong provider, but eventually we (and our wives) end up feeling better when we do. Client 3 - G-d loves us unconditionally. At the same time, He has a job for us to complete, and He wants us to complete it. Sometimes we feel like these pull in opposite directions. ("If He loves me unconditionally, why do mitzvos?" or "If it's so important to do mitzvos, coming up short makes me unacceptable.") However, there's really no contradiction. He loves us unconditionally and He also wants us to get our job done--two separate truths that coexist with each one in its full strength. Client 4 - It's tough to make good business decisions when you don't have your numbers clear. If you're a business owner delegating tasks to a new employee, and you're debating about how much pay to offer for this position, make sure you know how much additional revenue you expect to be able to generate when the job in question is done well. Look at it as a calculated investment with an ROI, not just an expense that feels uncomfortable, and the way forward will become clearer. I hope you find these thoughts helpful in your own version of the above situations. Check back next week for more!

How do I stop a coachee from going on and on? 😅 As coaches, we’re trained to listen. In fact, not just listen, but level 4 listening while being fully present. 👂 (For more information on the 4 levels of listening, see https://lnkd.in/geZspjew) So it can be a challenge when we have to stop listening and start interrupting. 😩 Why would we have to do so? Because unfortunately we’re only good, not god. Thus, there’s nothing we can do to change the reality of the client’s situation. All we can change is their perception of reality. Hence, if the client is talking about her mindsets 🧠 (“My boss is out to get me.”), I’m happy to hear more since I can help her with it. But if she’s talking about the facts of the situation (“Do you know what he did?”), I’d much prefer to spend the time working on the issue. What are my considerations when I interrupt? ☝️How do I interrupt but ensure the client continues to feel safe to share deeply with me? New clients and those who are naturally more guarded get interrupted less. 😆 The more familiar and confident the client is, the more I’m willing to interrupt them. ✌️What does the coachee need from sharing the story with me? Clients sometimes need to be heard or to vent or even to commiserate. Understanding these needs help me to meet the client where they’re at. It’s only when the coachee feels that I truly get their situation that they’re ready to start solving it. 🤟 What do I need to address about our coaching interactions? If unnecessary details are a recurring part of our coaching sessions, with a lot of time wasted on them, I will reflect this honestly to the coachee. It’s likely this shows up in others areas of his life as well. We can then explore why that it, and what the coachee wants to do about it. ⚜️⚜️⚜️ Going back to the original question, how DO I interrupt? I just interrupt. 🤣 I tell my coachees, “Let me just interrupt you there.” And proceed to summarise what they’ve just told me. Before asking them my area of curiosity. 🧐 Such as “what caused you to do that?” Or “what stops you from doing it?” I steer the conversation back to their story, their interpretation of reality. And away from the situation, their description of reality. Because I’m only a coach, and not the Creator. Alrering reality is beyond me. 😅 💠💠💠 And what has all this to do with this graduating class? Well, they’ve changed the perception of reality for me. From boardgame facilitation (yes, it’s a real thing) to intimacy and relationships, from cooking to travel coaching, I never knew there could be so many different ways to coach. I am really looking forward to the astonishingly creative coaching niches that they’ll create for themselves from now on. Congratulations to Jean, Andrea, Lena, Priyadarshini, Michael, Kang, and Yew Kyung! 🍾🥂 #coaching #coachingclasses #coachingskills

𝐔𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 🚀 So, picture this: You're just chilling with a friend, having one of those random catch-up sessions over dinner 🍽️, and boom! 💥 Before you know it, you're knee-deep in a deep, meaningful conversation that feels like something straight out of a coaching session. 🌱 That's exactly what happened to me recently, and it got me thinking about how powerful casual conversations can be. 💭 As a coach, I've realized that coaching isn't just a job—it's a way of life. 💼 It's about being present, asking the right questions, and lending a supportive ear to help people tap into their inner potential. 👂 During this impromptu chat with my friend, I noticed myself slipping into coach mode without even realizing it. 🔄 Instead of dishing out advice, I found myself asking thought-provoking questions and really listening to what she had to say. 🔍 What happened next was pretty amazing. 💫 Through our conversation, my friend had a breakthrough moment, gaining clarity on a challenge with a sh** manager and discovering new perspectives she hadn't considered before. 🌈 It was like watching someone unlock their own superpowers right in front of me. 👀 This whole experience got me thinking about the concept of "accidental coaching." 💡 It's proof that coaching isn't confined to formal sessions—it can happen anywhere, anytime, in the most unexpected moments. 🔄 So, here's my takeaway: 📝 👊 𝐋𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐨𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐜𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐜𝐨𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠. 🤝 🗨️ 𝐋𝐞𝐭'𝐬 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐡𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐬𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬, 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐚 𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞'𝐬 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞. 🔄 At the end of the day, being a coach isn't just about what we do—it's about who we are and how we connect with others. 💖 Let's keep making a difference, one conversation at a time. 🌟 When have you had the last time such a conversation and what did you take away? 😀 Let me know in the comments! ✍ Lars 😎 #CareerChange #DeepListening #Networking --------------------------------------------------- Hi You, 👨🔧 I am Lars and I help engineers & tech professionals to feel more in control of their results, become a change maker and beat their imposter so they have more impact, feel more in charge and get promoted faster! 🤝 Have a look at my FREE BEAT THE IMPOSTER COURSE 👊 https://lnkd.in/dZE33Q6b

The Journey Thus Far Transitioning to Executive Coaching... The Journey June 26, 2024 There are so many ways to connect with people. Words are simply one way! You can learn a lot about a person... if you're willing to actively listen.  Has their body language changed?  Did their eyes brighten when they shared a particular topic?  Did their tone change?    These are some of the signals we look for as #coaches, but there's so much more ... AND SO MUCH LESS to #execCoaching than I'd ever imagined. In a number of our #ICF certified courses we role play as "client" and "coach".     There’s a lot of silence in the coaching process. As coaches we are to be catalysts and efficient tools to assist the client in finding their own “forward-looking solutions”. We’re not therapists or pastors or social workers… we are not certified or trained for that kind of work, and as such we are certified to help the client source their own solutions and has a plan of action to move forward. That’s our job, and to do our job well we have to cultivate silence. Silence is needed so the client can reflect on their own words, feelings, and sense of self. It helps them coach themselves to or through a transformation!     During my role-play as coach, I listened to “Jane” (not her real name). Jane had moved to a new (but old) town. She wanted to be closer to parents and childhood friends, but she left home for a reason. She wondered, “is this it?!” Home was boring. She was accustomed to traveling and expressing herself across the midwest and southwest parts of the country. What should she do? What’s next? How can I make this old place my new home?     I was silent for the most part. I was listening and taking it all in. I did 1-2 probing questions, but I can say, … The silence takes a little getting used to… I did feel closer to Jane. Sure, other team members were listening in, but at one point I forgot about everyone… except Jane. The volume of understanding Jane increased and soon she was the only person I cared for (at this time).After our session we conversed on feedback. My feedback came via a reactive utterance. I blurted out. “You know, you can learn a lot about people if you’re quiet and let them talk.” I know… I know… that’s the simplest well known truth, right? But... How often do I act on that simple truth?  How often do I step back and seek to listen, to learn ... Rather than to speak, to tell?  🤔     I have a journey in front of me... As I listen to myself, I can hear myself say, "I think we're going to like this coaching journey..." It's amazing the things you can hear when you're willing to listen. executive career coaching

Ready to level up (anyone else hate that phrase as much as me)?! Last week I wrote about my mojo-meter but neglected a key mojo variable that can throw everything off: Wifedom. I wrote about Wifedom at the beginning of the year after reading Anna Funder’s novel about Eileen Blair (George Orwell’s wife). Her book had a profound effect on me and, unlike Bonnie Garmus' Lessons in Chemistry where the protagonist seemingly triumphs over Wifedom, Funder’s book left me feeling a little hope-less. After an amazing coaching session with Donna Markham OAM, I realised why Funder needed to write Wifedom that way. Wifedom can come with a cost. When I let Wifedom sneak into my life, my woolliness suffers, and so does everything around me - my parenting, relationship with my husband, work, and ultimately, what I offer the world. But here’s the other thing I realised: I have never really defined what Wifedom looks like for me. What are her edges? What does she represent? What makes her grow? What is an acceptable level of Wifedom for me? Because of this, she easily sneaks up on me and infiltrates my woolliness. It is only when I find myself in a mojo slump that I recognise her and the woolly-Wifedom boundary I have chosen to ignore. Now, because I haven’t defined her or communicated this to my husband, he also doesn’t know what she looks like. He can’t help me to recognise her, call her out, and help me to make better decisions. So, levelling up? My regular coaching sessions help me to recognise these important things and how they may be holding me back. I asked Donna Markham OAM if everyone she coaches lands in this space. She said coaching tends to land in three places: Level 1 “doing” coaching helps you to accomplish tasks and goals. Level 2 “learning” coaching helps you to develop & apply new competencies. Level 3 “being” coaching helps you to develop as a person. But, she went on, the levels are nested. Moving up, from doing to learning to being, represents vertical transformation. A few weeks ago I wrote about the ‘first quadrant’ of the AQAL and how many things that hold us back sit in our first quadrant, things that shape our level 3 "being". I have reflected on why I feel I need to write about these things here. Many LinkedIn posts promote ways to improve your doing and learning, but few talk about exploring (and improving) your being. I truly believe, when you face your first quadrant head-on, when you attend to your “being”, you can do anything. Take home? Everyone has a version of Wifedom. While I have described mine as a 'her', this concept exists for everyone... it might be Husbandom or Workdom. Equally, everyone has a woolly. My coaching homework is to clearly define my Wifedom, communicate this with my husband and family, and to help my husband do the same for himself. In this way, we can help one another to exist in our woolly zones as much as possible and see where the wind takes us! What is your version of Wifedom?

Feeling immensely grateful for all the kind words, feedback and client testimonials I've received in the last 4 years. The truth is that we never know the impact our words can have; so I want to share my secret. And it's this: All of your words go in The Book 📖 🖋 Remember my post last summer about how imposter syndrome is a natural consequence of being in the learning zone? The Book is my way of combatting imposter syndrome or dealing with difficult days. And as many in my network will know, there is a LOT to learn when you set up your own business. So much time is spent on learning to be a business owner, that there's less time to do what you love (i.e. the Work). So the pages in The Book - filled with cards, photos, emails, letters, posts - have kept me going during the down days, in moments of doubt and also in moments of celebration. One testimonial from Paola Didonè, sent with much generosity (a whole page!) when I was a training for my Diploma, is one of my favourites to look back on. Almost 3 years since I received it, I want to say thank you Paola 🙏 for writing something that undoubtedly shaped my coaching career. You gave me confidence when I needed it the very most. ⚡ What words might you say to someone today, that could shape their future? ⚡ Is there a version of The Book that might work for you? 👀 Hear more from Paola below, or check out my client testimonials page: https://lnkd.in/en7gTP9T 📣 "To say I got a lot from working with Katie is an understatement. I learnt how to shift certain mindsets and self talk that has been detrimental... I worked on getting rid of the feeling of "I have been lazy" and replaced that with something healthier that allows me to take the time I need to relax and recharge without being so hard on myself. Katie's strengths are listening, not making you feel like she is judging you, and translating a situation described with more accurate words to help you realise something. I loved how she can connect the dots in things, or make you realised for yourself how situations have affected you in one way or another. Katie comes across as TRULY wanting to help someone and I think this is an invaluable trait in coaching. She makes you feel comfortable to speak with her while also making you work and think really hard about certain things. I find this balance is perhaps another of her strengths." #kindwords #coaching #coachingtocontribute #impostersyndrome #facilitation #feedback #celebratethewins