Any moms out there go to great lengths to hide your mom life from your colleagues and employers? Mom CEOs, how about you? So many of us do our best to make sure that our responsibilities as moms don’t cross over into our work life. When we show up for work, we hide the ways we’re also showing up for our kids. It’s a natural response to a very rational fear that being a mom can hurt our ability to advance in our careers. Just look at the motherhood penalty. Did you know women’s pay decreases as we become mothers? But what if we start being more intentional about making it OK to be a mom at work? Especially the moms who are in positions of power. And the dads, too. If we are actually going to move the needle and make workplaces work for moms, we need to start by showing our coworkers and peers that we are parents in the first place. It’s a new year. Why not make it a resolution to show your motherhood at work? Here are a few ideas: 📅 Block off your calendar for pick-up and drop-off times. (Or show the world what your daily agenda really looks like. Here's mine...) 🚸 Post in your company’s Slack channel when you need to be offline for parenting obligations, and don’t hide what that obligation is. 👼 Show off some photos of your kids in your office / team Slack. 📱 Take your conference call from the school pickup line. 💻 Keep your video on when your kids are home from school and you're doing double duty and working while parenting. I know visibility isn’t going to end the motherhood penalty once and for all. What moms really need are bigger picture changes, like paid family leave, affordable and accessible child care, equal pay, and flexible work schedules, for starters. But changing our work culture is one of the tools we have to get there. So let’s make major strides in 2024. And if you're looking for more ways you can personally commit to making the workplace more friendly for moms, join Moms First & Adecco Group US Foundation's New Year's Resolution here: https://lnkd.in/enz_WAbA
I can honestly say that until reading this thoughtful approach to leading cultural changes for moms at work, I kept my calendar private with anything related to my daughter’s pediatrician appointments, nanny relief, etc. I purposely hide these personal obligations from my professional life because of this professional tax on moms and dads. The first comment I got when I announced my pregnancy was a dismissive “my work priorities would change”, signaling that I now joined another box and the potential headwinds I will face as a mother. I commit to continue making parenthood work in the workplace for my team.
This calendar looks so familiar! I do this but also want to share caution to those of you who work in toxic environments where “parent-friendly” is a talking point but not actually part of the culture. I had a (female, no kids) boss criticize me for this calendar practice and the boundaries it implies. She told me, “I look at your calendar and see that your out of work demands are keeping you from prioritizing your first team. It is hard on the other members of the senior team when you don’t come online until noon their time.” This was not feedback on my performance and I was not failing my colleagues. Noon my colleagues’ time (because they were on the east coast) was 9am for me in California. My kid’s preschool did not allow drop off before 8:45 am. I had tried for months to get a “morning nanny” (on top of expensive preschool tuition) but could not fill the role. Taking calls from 6-7am or 5-7am (while my kids were still sleeping) was not enough. Eventually we parted ways and they filled the role with a male who was also a parent but then also had a stay-at-home wife.
I started making the parenting activities visible about five years and never looked back. Normalizing this at the leadership level empowers the entire organization to be humans at work. And this flexibility to do your work when/where/how works best or you and your life, is key to actually focusing the organization culture on outcomes/results instead of outputs/processes. One additional calendaring trick I've benefited from Reshma Saujani...purple blocks that "free but not dependable" in times where I know I've got kids around and things might pop up where internal meetings are fine, but high stakes external meetings aren't ideal.
Thank you for sharing this! I'm not a mom but I am in the habit of adding all of my stuff to one calendar because first of all, who has time to check multiple calendars!? Plus, it acts as a reminder to myself (and perhaps to others) that we're all people, we're all carrying things, and we all should make time to prioritize the personal as well as the professional. That's why I love work/life blend instead of work/life balance. My professional and personal lives are blended parts of me, and I don't pretend that they're not.
Yup I’m a mom CEO and my calendar looks similar to yours. Also, since we have a global team and we’re on calls at odd hours (I have a 15 min daily stand up right at dinner time), my kids have popped into the zooms, I make sure they are polite and introduce themselves and learn my team’s names, so now my kids ask me how so-and-so is doing, and give my own advice back to me that they’ve heard me give my team. It’s time to start normalizing the fact that we all have well-rounded lives
I love getting to see your calendar. To answer your question quickly: before, absolutely yes, and for good reason. Now, intentionally no! When I was working at an agency, I would have hidden this calendar to the max. At the time, I hid my first pregnancy as long as I could; and, my big TVC projects were taken away from me as soon it became known. (No not cool, but I don't hold that particular fire within me anymore.) Then, on maternity leave, I decided. (Also, with the help of a French maternity therapist, which women just automatically 'get' when they're pregnant in France--amazing, still grateful, btw). WOW. It was a fierce human boundary that exploded out of me felt like my energetic aura turned from gas to solid, giving me space and solidity to 'decide'. I decided I didn't want to have to live in a way that felt inauthentic to me. (This is also after much other deconditioning occurred within me while assimilating to the French culture as an American woman, AND also the adjustments having a tiny person living in me shifted for me...) Ever since, I've worked with tech startups until I started my own business--on a mission to change the way that people work, from the fundamental WHY, while incorporating being a 'human'.
I was just talking about how privileged I am to have the job I have and to work for who I work for, an organization where women's inclusion and equity is baked into the mission and vision. It's the norm to put everything on your work calendar: school pick up/drop off, days kids are off school, early release, ect... have full visibility and not just for women with kids. I am transitioning back to work from maternity leave and being allowed the flexibility to come back gradually is literally life-saving. I have struggled with post-partum mental health with both of my kids. I only work part time right now, my kids are in daycare MWF and I have them both full time on T&Th and this is designated as "Full-On -Mom -Mode" on my calendar. I'm allowed to work the hours that work for me. I wish this for all mothers. (Well I wish for 6 months minimum federally paid maternity leave, but... 😅 ). I wish all mothers to be seen and celebrated for all their incredible uncompensated work. I wish more companies would adopt flexible policies that would include women and not penalize mothers but reward them for their tenacity, creative problem solving, and superhuman work ethic. The work you do with #momsfirst is obsoletely crucial. Thank you!
I make it clear to my clients I'm a full time entrepreneur and mom who grows my business from home. So, some calls may have my children in the background or popping in to say hi. And I place a clause in my contracts for both parties about flexibility in adjusting our project meetings when we have caregiving and health priorities that come up. Because some may not have kids but may be full-time carers for another family member. I was terrified of doing this at first but reminded myself that I've got to walk my talk. Especially since I'm in the postpartum, maternal, and family wellness niche.
This is wonderful, and what I’d like to add is perhaps extreme, but also very prevalent. Mothers of medically complex children have calendars that are the definition of hell. Ordering medication, checking on orders, renewing prescriptions, calling insurance case workers, organising physiotherapy, ergo therapy, speech therapy (and other therapies), booking medical appointments that never end - it’s just a sample of what we deal with on a normal day. And we’re crushing it! Yosr Hamza (She/Her), Violeta Pavetic, Effie Parks, true or true? 💪
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9moSuch an important point Reshma Saujani , I’m a proud believer of “Loud parenting”… say you have to leave to pick kids up/take them to a sports club/ etc”. The more visible it is, the more we normalise it. Also, we needs Mums AND Dads to normalise it. I know many Dads who also feel they can’t be vocal about the balls their juggling too.. we need their voices too.