When I was young, my Bua (paternal aunt), taught me a simple rule: anytime someone forces you to choose between two things really important to you, don’t buy into the dichotomy they are presenting. Instead step back and assess the motive and relevance of the person creating that dichotomy for you. And perhaps, remove the person instead, if you find it to be false. As a child I didn’t understand the beautiful and clear boundary this thought represented. As a domestic violence counselor and an engaged world citizen I see many instances where we believe the good of one individual/entity can only come at the cost of another. I often find folks, including myself, disempowered and silent, because someone has convinced us the nourishment of one can only come at the cost of the starvation of another. This is the language of the oppressor. And this is the critical point when we should rise to draw that beautiful boundary that my Bua talked about. Where we step back and assess who is making us believe there are two exclusive choices to be made? And is that really true? This is the time when our critical thinking can perhaps find a third way to our liberation and joy. When we firmly and unequivocally reject the values super imposed by the abuser and oppressor. Many times we are silent because we are caught in a muddy spiral where we lack clarity of boundaries. Sometimes we are silent because we are full of fear. Other times we are silent because we don’t trust our voice and values anymore. We have been told, there are only certain choices that are acceptable. And only certain solutions that are logical and feasible. In all these times, I hope we hold great compassion for ourselves. Compassion that allows us to hold still and step back. Stillness that allows us to explore awareness. Awareness that allows us to question. Questioning that leads us to learn and unlearn. Learning that brings us clarity. Clarity that may lead to mindful, authentic action. An action that brings peace within and without. That may be quiet, but not silent. This to me is a key anti violence practice. I certainly don’t speak from a place of perfection. But I hope to be always in a space of progression. #boundaries #homegrownwisdom #becurious #alwaysquestion
Dr. Aruna Jha
11mo
Thank you! Much wisdom in your Bua's words. The basis of sound clinical practice.
Accomplished Gender & Social Justice Consultant, Scholar, and Speaker
11moThank you for sharing this much needed reminder and your bua’s wisdom 💜