Peer Support’s Post

Last week I did multiple posts about separation and I would like to pair that with a post about what it looks like to come together in a healthy way. Thing is, we are so excited when we meet people who have a similar vision to us that we jump in super grateful, for finding them. Much like romantic relationships - these kind of professional and community relationships get carried away with romance. We imagine we have finally found someone to be in the foxhole with and we love the propulsive energy of that. I find in these moments we really need to do work together to understand 3 things. 1) What parts of this issue/company do we actually not have the same beliefs about - if you have the same beliefs about all of it - you haven't searched enough. 2) What kinds of styles of work are important to us? Do I work off checklists, do I work off a strategy faithfully, do I do well with email or text? What do we believe is the most effective way of getting work done? 3) How does each of us handle conflict and what will it look like when we are in conflict? These three questions should lead you to this answer: What tradeoffs am I making by not doing this alone? What makes this partnership worth these tradeoffs. Often when I start to see the wheels fall off the car is folks never reckon with what it means to be making tradeoffs on how you would do something alone and what it means to do something with others. Our major hurts transition to harms when we struggle to admit the tradeoffs we willingly made when the joy was high that we are no longer willing to make when the rush of camaraderie diminishes. In truth, I believe even we are being employed, we should be evaluating what tradeoffs we are making and what makes those tradeoffs worth it. This way we can contextualize when we are in dysfunctional professional codependency where we are more energized by trying to change a person or institution than the institution itself.

In this interview, consider how knowing we are enough impacts collaboration, creativity, and innovation: https://lnkd.in/g6tBkDEt. REGISTER for EVENT: https://lnkd.in/gS2yaeyE   #collaboration #trust #innovation

In this interview, consider how knowing we are enough impacts collaboration, creativity, and innovation: https://lnkd.in/guJrCP7W. REGISTER for EVENT: https://lnkd.in/gQge87gX   #collaboration #trust #innovation

When confrontation is necessary, embrace it not as a battle, but as the path to clarity and resolution. Courage isn't the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. Some examples where this might apply: 1. Workplace Scenarios: If you notice unethical behavior or practices in your workplace, confronting the issue directly can lead to positive changes. It's important to approach the matter professionally, presenting facts and expressing concerns clearly. 2. Personal Relationships: In friendships or romantic relationships, addressing issues like miscommunication or differing expectations through confrontation can strengthen the bond. It's about being honest and open, not aggressive. 3. Self-Advocacy: Speaking up for yourself, whether it's about unfair treatment or standing up for your beliefs, is a form of healthy confrontation. It's about asserting your rights and needs respectfully. 4. Community Issues: If there's something happening in your community that goes against your values or causes harm, taking a stand and voicing your concerns is crucial. This could be through public forums, writing to officials, or organizing community discussions. 5. Team Projects: In team settings, confronting issues like unequal workload distribution or lack of communication can lead to more effective collaboration and better outcomes. Remember, the goal of confrontation should be resolution and understanding, not winning an argument.

Do birds of a feather really flock together? Science says yes. People choose friends who are similar to them and become more like their friends over time. This can influence day-to-day life, especially in a productive work environment where a strong peer relationship plays a vital role in reaching common objectives and growing together. Many behaviors spread socially, including how you work. But why is that? Studies have found that activity in certain brain areas changes when other people are around, which can affect what you choose to do. However, this work also suggests that you can harness the power of social relationships to gain healthier habits and motivate others to do the same. I have worked across multiple organizations over a brief period of my career. However, I have always been blessed with some great peers who kept me motivated across all the hurdles and challenges. Here are some tips on how to build strong peer relationships: 1. Follow through on your promises: All the niceties in the world won't lead to a solid relationship if you don't start with the basics. The biggest one? Don't lie; be a trustworthy peer. Remember, people typically don't want to form close bonds with people they can't trust. 2. Connect beyond your task list: A peer relationship is not just about a 9 to 6 relationship. You have to extend your relationship beyond your official tasks. Plan to meet your peer outside the organization. Join for a cup of coffee, go for a fun ride, but make sure it doesn't go outside of your ethical commitments to your organization. 3. Offer praise and recognition: Compliments are powerful. So, applaud your colleague for the impressive presentation they gave in a recent meeting. Thank them for their contribution to your project. It's a seemingly small effort that can make a big difference in your relationship. There’s little that’s more frustrating than feeling unheard. Your efforts to connect with your coworkers on a deeper level won’t pay off if you fail to actually listen to them. Always Listen #peersupport #peerlearning #friendship #friendlyenvironment #trust #ethics

If you don't fully comprehend your own emotions, boundaries, and needs, how can you expect to communicate them effectively to others? Understanding this concept is important not only for your own well-being but also for fostering healthy and productive relationships with others. Here's why: 🎯 Clarity in Communication: When you understand and manage yourself well, you can clearly communicate your needs, boundaries, and expectations to others. This clarity reduces misunderstandings and helps others know exactly how to support and interact with you. 🤝 Respect and Boundaries: Knowing how to handle yourself allows you to set and enforce boundaries, ensuring that others respect your limits. This helps prevent conflicts and creates a more respectful and considerate environment, benefiting everyone involved. 👥 Modeling Behavior: By managing yourself effectively, you set a positive example for others. They can learn from your approach, which may inspire them to improve their own self-management and communication skills. This creates a cycle of mutual growth and understanding. 💪 Empowerment: Understanding and handling yourself empowers you to take control of your life and interactions. This not only improves your relationships but also makes it easier for others to engage with you in a meaningful way, as they know what you need and expect. 🙏 Mutual Understanding: When you articulate your needs and boundaries clearly, it fosters mutual understanding and respect. Others can respond to you appropriately, and this helps build stronger, more cooperative relationships where both parties feel heard and valued. 🤗 Supporting Others: When you are self-aware and self-regulated, you’re better equipped to support others in their own emotional and relational challenges. Your stability and clarity can offer them a sense of security, making it easier for them to navigate their own feelings and behaviors. Mastering yourself not only improves your life but also helps others understand and interact with you more effectively, leading to stronger, more fulfilling relationships and a more supportive community. #community #relationships #worklifebalance #rehumanizingthewaywework

It's a hot day. So my mind has naturally turned to heated conversations. Bear with me! One of the ‘groundhog day’ issues that I've seen consume an unhealthy amount of emotional energy in the average workplace is conflict. Frequently this isn’t overt – it commonly shows up passive aggressive behaviour such as the sotto voce aside or the faint note of incredulity in their tone.    It’s more unusual to face naked conflict – but I have seen this too.    Either way, conflict is deeply uncomfortable for all concerned. And the overthinking can go on for weeks – it’s utterly draining. And worse, it can lead to ongoing discord in the relationship that simply gets in the way of getting stuff done.  No-one needs that when you’re already at peak busy.   And there is always, always a reason for the conflict. It’s rarely the obvious, which is why attempting to use reason and logic to dispel the annoyance rarely works.    I'm pretty sure I've shared this before, but it's so good it worth a replay. David Rock's SCARF model is a really simple but effective tool for sorting this out. Essentially, Rock says that there the trigger for conflict often boils down to one of five things, with the handy acronym of SCARF:   1. Status - our relative importance to others 2. Certainty - our ability to predict the future 3. Autonomy - our sense of control over events 4. Relatedness - how safe we feel with others 5. Fairness - our perception of fair exchanges between people   So if you go back to that frosty exchange that bothered you so much and think about each of the 5 in turn to see which one might be at play, you can then return to the conversation from a different position – one which calms the situation by taking neutralising the original trigger.   An example. If you are about to implement a new policy that faces resistance (let's say you're going to abolish the committee system!), considering how it might impact staff members' sense of autonomy or status can help you communicate and execute the change more effectively. And perhaps offer an alternative that meets their needs differently.   Similarly, in mediating disputes, being alert to each party's need for fairness and certainty can guide you towards better outcomes which are more likely to stick.   So, a simple but well-crafted adjustment in the conversation can take the heat out very quickly. It’s just a great feeling when it does, and you have the bonus of being able to move on to the next thing with a clear head.   If you’re finding yourself embroiled in tricky conversations that don’t seem to be moving on, or a looming situation that you need to get right first time, drop me a line. I can help.     #UniversityLeadership #ConflictResolution #HigherEdManagement

Those closest to us often have the greatest capacity to hurt us because of the depth of emotional investment in those relationships. We trust them implicitly and rely on them for support, which makes us more vulnerable to the impact of their actions and words. Moreover, familiarity can breed a sense of complacency, leading to lapses in communication or understanding that may result in unintentional hurt. Additionally, unresolved conflicts or unmet expectations within these relationships can amplify the pain when disagreements arise. Ultimately, the complexity of human relationships means that while our loved ones bring us immense joy, they also have the potential to inadvertently cause us significant pain. Recognizing and navigating these dynamics with empathy and open communication is key to fostering healthier, more resilient relationships. What are your thoughts on this?¿

I do believe that there's a place where everyone naturally belong. Take for instance that difficult task may be someone's favourite. I am not ruling out the fact that over time people become more familiar to a certain routine and can now fit in. Have you found yours? Or are you there already? let me know in the comment section.