The Gottman Institute’s Post

Sometimes the solutions are simple.

Quick hack to get more done: Put the damn phone away in another room. Keep it silent. Why? Your brain loves dopamine. It forces you to check your phone every time it buzzes. The constant dopamine hits get you overstimulated. When you get overstimulated… Your work will look like the hardest thing to do. Result? You procrastinate. And get nothing done. So do yourself a favor. Put the phone away.  You will get alot done quickly.

Is positivity always a good thing? Discover the hidden downside of 'toxic positivity' and learn how balancing optimism with honesty can transform your relationships and unlock your true potential.

Manipulation by guilt comes in many different forms. This article examines the phenomenon of guilt-tripping and how best to deal with it:

“𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐠𝐨 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝟎 𝐭𝐨 𝟏𝟎𝟎 𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐬 𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐭!” I hear this phrase ALL too often. And when someone is struggling with this, the conventional approach to trying to improve it includes several aspects such as: - notice you are getting angry - take a moment to pause - becomes conscious of your thought processes - deploy a breathing or alternative technique - challenge your thought processes - make a different choice All becomes VERY, VERY DIFFICULT. Why is this? When an Emotional Memory Image (Hudson and Johnson, 2021) has triggered the anger response, the flood of different chemicals such as catecholamines are released into your bloodstream in incredibly quick timeframes. When these chemical cocktails are flooding through your system, attempting to ‘stay calm’ and ‘think your way out of it’ is like running up a very steep hill. It is HARD. The good news is that resolving it doesn’t have to be. Rather than hanging all your hopes on these last gasp compensation or distraction strategies, how about we resolve the root cause of the problem? Once the Emotional Memory Image is cleared, the trigger to anger dissolves and your response changes AUTOMATICALLY. Now wouldn’t that be nice?

Understanding our relationships is as complex as understanding chemistry. Just like in chemistry, toxicity can occur in relationships too. A toxic relationship is one where interactions are emotionally and, sometimes, physically damaging to one or both parties involved. It's marked by feelings of insecurity, control, negativity, criticism, and disrespect. Just like the wrong mix of chemical compounds can be harmful, the wrong mix of emotions and actions can turn a relationship toxic. Remember, healthy relationships are about mutual respect, trust, open communication, and love. So, if you feel consistently drained and unhappy, it's time to evaluate whether you're stuck in a toxic chemistry of a relationship. #ToxicRelationships #HealthyLove #UnderstandingEmotions

The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain. Then the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again. I know many of us learned this nursery rhyme, but how many of us learned from this nursery rhyme? Let’s talk about rejections. How many times have you gotten a REJECTION, how many times were you torn down by a “NO”, how many times did you try again since you heard it? Can I give you a mutual fact? REJECTIONS CAN BE HEARTBREAKING! It has the ability to wear down the spirit especially when it comes from maybe a valued client or from a deal you really had high hopes for. Sometimes we put in a lot of work into a prospective deal with high hopes that it will turn out positive only to get a “NO”? And it really can be devastating. It could get to that point we feel we are doing everything wrong. But hey! There is good news. Rejections are building you! I have learned from personal experience and other people’s experiences that how we see rejection determines how we treat it and It sure determines our next line of action. A friend of mine always said “a no is just another way of people saying try again”. Also Emmanuel Nduka said “Rejection is a workout: Who needs a gym when you can press your ego every time you get rejected” So get up, you have tried but the world does not clap hands and celebrate a pity story. If you are up-to-date with Nigerian slangs you know there is this common one that says “We go again” So every time you find yourself in the mud of rejection brace yourself and say “we go again” So how about not taking no for an answer or if that’s too harsh then don’t take no for its literal meaning No today is not no forever! How do you deal with rejection.

When you make the entire presentation and now, it is time to present & take some credit. Le toxic manager: #memetuesday #corporatememe #corporatehumor #humor #meme #toxicmanager

👀The Truth About Reactivity And Your Relationships Fellas, it is true, that we have been exposed to anti-black, systemic, and other forms of racism and oppression at a consistent and continuous level. 💣 No wonder many of us are just a button away from implosion and explosion. But ... Reactive behavior is hazardous to your relationships. You wind up blaming others for your troubles and giving up control of your life. Such behavior tends to be especially common and destructive in close relationships. We think we know each other so well that we make assumptions and operate on autopilot. For example, your partner yells at you, so you yell back at them. Your friend recommends a book about nutrition and you accuse them of calling you fat. Luckily, you can break this cycle of retaliation and overreaction! ✅ Use this formula to make the switch from just reacting to being proactive. (Read more 👇🏽). https://lnkd.in/ejmVbUw4

Are people toxic? I hear the word ‘toxic’ rather frequently these days, and I am sure you do too. Every time I hear it though, I kind of flinch. The word “toxic” refers to poisonous materials which cause death and harm. This is such an awful way to describe someone. Words are not just empty sounds. They have very real meanings. All our ideas, thoughts, concepts are encased in words in our heads. When you describe somebody as toxic (or such words), it does not make the other person toxic of course, but it certainly brings toxicity to YOUR mind. It poisons YOUR brain. Often we see things not the way they are, but the way WE are. A mere change of perception can change many things around us. We, the people, are so many things at the same time. I guess it would be nice to appreciate this richness and variety, and not to reduce it to some pernicious fume or liquid.