Check In, Or They Will Check Out

I always tell them to check in, or they will check out. It requires very little time, but the investment pays huge dividends. Relationships aren’t that hard. You just need to invest in each other. And by doing so, that feeling of connectedness, will override any feelings of insecurity. Because you talk, they trust. Because you listen, they love. That’s it. And the beautiful thing about this, it creates an ongoing dance of intimacy. And who doesn’t want that…

It literally takes 10 minutes to save 10 hours of conflict. Just 10 minutes of undivided attention, is enough to say I value you. But so many of us don’t do this, especially after we have been together for some time. But it’s a trap. I often say you know all those things you did at the beginning of the relationship? You should start doing them again. People have a tendency to check out of a relationship, especially with time. But why? Don’t you want to be connected? You don’t have to spend every minute with your partner. Many times, all they want is a sympathetic ear at the end of the day. Or a “How are you doing text” while they are working.

There is a great scene from a movie regarding these little things. A guy who was going to get married was talking to a beautiful woman. And he asked her why she is with her boyfriend. She rattles of a list of simple things like reading the Sunday paper in the same room as him. A cup of coffee or sharing a martini. And he fires back, “I am jealous of the man the gets to do those things with you.” And she replies, “The thing is, there’s a guy that is jealous that you get to do those things with your girlfriend.” You have to stay connected. And the big things won’t do it. You have to connect in an intimate way during the day in day out grind.

Check in or they will check out. You know how many women {and men} have come to me over 36 years of providing mental health services, regarding this issue? Literally hundreds. Almost a third of us have, or had romantic feelings for a coworker. And were not just talking about liking your coworker. I also read another study that states that almost one third of all relationships start at work. What’s my point? Right now all those little things that you’re not doing with your partner, someone else is wishing they were. And in my 36 years, given the right environment, with the wrong mindset, the intimacy shifts towards someone else. But more often than not, that will not happen, if you just check in, before they check out. I’m just saying…