Be Coachable. Improve Your Odds of a Promotion.

Oh my. Poor Lora, if only she had been more coachable, she would have enjoyed life more.

I survived the days of being one of a few women in manufacturing through grit, determination, and drive. I carried an edge. It was hard not to. I smiled little and drove hard. (It was not much fun. I worked to persevere. Work helped me push back the pain of illness and my struggle with personal failure. Work was my escape.)

I graduated from high school the year when Title IX passed. In many ways, I had a great high school, but there was no female athletics. I experienced my first coach in my late Fifties while training to recover from osteoporosis. I am a big advocate of female athletic programs not only for physical conditioning but also for learning how to be coached.

I believed that I would succeed by outworking any man on my team. (And, yes, there were no women then. Things are better now.) In some ways, I succeeded. In many, I failed. I denied Lora the joy of work/life balance.

Performance reviews were like wrangling a tiger. I did not take feedback well. I was never an athlete and missed learning to appreciate constant feedback. As I age and experience the joy of constant coaching in ballet and the gym, I reflect. We all need a coach, but more importantly, we must be coachable. Being coached is still a struggle for Lora, but I have a better perspective now on why I needed to be more coachable. So, what would I tell young Lora today?

1) Experience a Coach. Participate in a sport where you get constant coaching. Learn to embrace regular coaching outside of the workplace. Build the mental model to ask for constant feedback and celebrate small wins. Today, on Thursdays, I take pickleball classes. At the end of class, I always ask Mike, "How did I do?" He usually smiles and reminds me to hold my paddle softly and keep my paddle ready for the fourth and fifth volley. I ask to find out how I did and continue my journey to be coachable.

2) Listen for Understanding. In coaching sessions, listen to understand. Put your debate skills away. If you are a strong Myers Briggs INFP, bottle the NP and focus on the here and now. Don't divert and deflect conversations to share the possibilities that are your view. Ask clarifying questions and seek help. I approach seventy, I feel sorry for the guys (yes, guys) who attempted to manage me. For example, my first boss, Warren, said, "Lora is the smartest employee but the most organized but disorganized person that he ever managed." I laughed when I heard this; I gleamed at the thought of being smart but did not quite understand that being the most organized but most disorganized was not a compliment. In retrospect, I should have asked Warren how he organized himself as a successful leader. In later life, I can see how true his feedback was. I compartmentalize tasks, and I am very organized when I work in that compartment, but I struggle to manage time when the compartments overlap. Ever so true, even true today. The tigers retain their stripes. It is for this reason that I need a personal assistant. Today, her name is Regina. We work like an old married couple. I give thanks for Regina.

3) Manage Your Edge. Being a woman in manufacturing in the 70s was tough. I denied my sexuality for a decade. My friend Diane sought counseling to achieve better balance. When she told me about her coaching sessions, I laughed inside and listened as we sat at the picnic table on a beautiful summer eve. I thought, "I don't need that." My reflection today? Yes, Lora, you did. Even in an all-male environment, it is okay to celebrate being female. Therapy and counseling give you strength. When you discovered ten years of theft in the workplace and were subjected to five years of civil and criminal trials, you suffered from Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Lora should have asked for professional help. Strength is knowing when to ask instead of pushing through against all odds. A strong edge may help you push forward, but it does not heal personal pain.

4) Build Relationships with Your Team. My boss, Bill, always asked me to "Be easier to do business with." I did not understand that he asked me to relax and enjoy the journey. Not every fight was worth winning. The underlying message was, "How did people feel interacting with me?" As an introvert, making a point takes so much effort to voice that I forget to relax and smile. I should have asked Bill how to do this better.

5) Let Bygones Be Bygones. As Roddy used to tell me, let things go. He would say, "Go forward by going forward."

My career advice? Experience coaching and constantly reflect. How coachable are you? In my experience as a manager, the best employees ask for coaching and push to improve constantly, while the worst employees want to tell you about the great job they are doing constantly.

My advice is to work on being coachable no matter where you are in life. Listen for understanding. Ask for continual feedback. The tougher the relationship, the greater the need to ask. And, when you hear the feedback, be open to the outcome. Ask for clarity. Practice outside of the workplace and then apply it to your day-to-day job.