"Compensation" is not a dirty word

I am going to snitch on myself. I took a week off to get my mind and body rested and then slacked off for another week. I am not meeting my personal goal with writing at least 2-3 of these articles weekly. I am not happy about that but I am not going to beat myself up over it either.

Well this week was interesting. I am in talks about a new position in my firm. I am always excited and honored when someone "wants me" and asks me to help shape my role. The "imposter guy" that lives in my head is always shouting "Why you?!!" but I am learning to ignore him and pay more attention to the one that I see in the mirror.

What led me to think about the subject for this article is the conversation I had around compensation. In most of my 29 year career, I rarely have had open and direct conversations around compensation unless it is in relation to a new job (at a new company). For some reason, I felt "dirty" and "greedy" having those conversations... until now.

Over the years, I have started to walk into rooms with colleagues and execs and in my head I repeat mantras over and over that acknowledge who I am, my position, and why I deserve a seat in that room. That has given me the confidence to also recognize that I have value and worth. There have been studies that have shown that people of color (especially black & latino) and women are less likely to push strongly for equitable compensation. I want to break that cycle. So I had an honest conversation around my value, my outcomes, and my compensation. As part of the conversation, I wanted to be clear about my intent, my fears, and my expectations. It went well. I was not fired. I was not laughed at. I was not given the side eye. I was listened to and heard.

I don't know what will end up coming out of that conversation but I learned in that moment that I can't expect the reality of my worth and value to be recognized with conversations that only occur in my head. I can not expect the magical person known as "The Company" to speak up for me. One day we may have systems in place that identify and quickly solve equity gaps but until then I have one system that will always work, my voice.