Could better boundaries save your job?

There are two main reasons why you part ways with your job: 1. The powers that be no longer want you there and 2. You no longer want to be there. 

This blog’s for the people in group 2. If you’re in group 1 - keep reading anyway as this will help you too, and I’ll also have something just for you on the blog soon. So, if you’ve fallen out of love with your work, could better boundaries save your job?

Poor boundaries are why I left my job

First things first - in my case, leaving was the absolutely best thing for me to do, and if I had my time again, I’d definitely make the same choice. But, would I have let my work situation get to where it did? No! Would I have left in a more empowered way? Absolutely. 

I got to the point where my work became untenable. I worked for the NHS, which, of course, means, the work is NEVER done. I could have worked 16 hour days six days a week and there would always be more work. So, the make or break of the role (and me) was managing boundaries. In fairness to me back then, I wasn’t terrible at it. 

I knew enough about myself to know I needed thinking time - I’m not one of these ‘comes to life in a crisis’ people. I like to feel on top of things. So I managed my Monday - Wednesday week accordingly. I made sure my 1-1 with my manager was on a Monday, so I had a clear idea of priorities for the week, and a fighting chance of meeting them. 

The trouble was, the demands of the work were just unrealistic (you can read in more detail about the whole story here!). And, no amount of organisation or efficiency on my part could change that. I needed to set boundaries around what I would take on, and the timescales I’d do it in. 

I burned out and reached breakdown point before making the decision to leave. Looking back now, it’s crystal clear: a lack of boundaries made me ill. 

Would ‘no’ have prevented the big NO?

We can’t turn back time, so who knows whether me being clearer about what was possible within the terms of my contract and sanity would have helped. Maybe me expressing what I could do in the time available would have fallen on deaf ears. But, that’s almost not the point.

Because, the often forgotten tool about boundaries is that they’re not about controlling others, and trying to get them to do what you want. They’re about you deciding what YOU will do, and what you’re prepared to accept.

So, potentially, I would never have been able to create changes to my work culture, however many boundaries I put in place. My manager was a machine, and ultimately, because she decided to work all her waking hours, she expected everyone else to as well. 

But, do you know what it would have made a big difference to? My physical and mental health. If I’d had clearer boundaries in place, with myself and my boss, I wouldn’t have let myself get so ill and stressed. Sure, I would have had difficult conversations. It would have meant deep breaths, and stepping outside my comfort zone. Being clear on, and sticking with, my boundaries would have made me my own best ally. 

And who knows what else might have happened? One person alone is unlikely to change a whole work culture. But, the more of us that do this, the more likely things are to change at organisational level.

What can you do if leaky boundaries are causing work stress? 

Here are 5 steps to taking control of your boundaries at work:

1. Pause. Assess your situation. What have you normalised, that, if you think about it, isn’t healthy? Write it all down. It’s a good idea to keep a log for a couple of weeks, so you have a really clear picture. 
2. Reflect. In recent times, what does a good day look like? What about a bad day? What makes the difference? Is it certain tasks, or people? Pinpoint where your problem is, and where your boundaries might need work.
3. Influence. Now, think about what you can influence to make your work situation healthier for you. Can you request meetings are moved, or timescales are shifted? Can you evidence that some tasks don’t need doing, or could be streamlined? How can you bring your thoughts to your manager? 
4. Communicate effectively. If you’re trying to influence people who aren’t as open to listening as you’d like, effective communication can make all the difference as you state your boundaries. The BIFF strategy of being Brief, Informative, Firm and Friendly is fantastic for getting your point across without being drawn into emotional wrangling or deflection. Read more about it here
5. Reassess. If you’ve set out your boundaries, and they’ve not been adhered to, it’s time to think about your next steps. Are there others you can involve in discussions: a more senior manager, HR, unions? Do you need to consider an exit strategy? 

Need a thinking partner as you navigate work boundaries?

Boundaries can feel like a minefield in the workplace: how do you know what’s an appropriate boundary to set? How can you enforce it? What happens when your boundaries are regularly trampled on?

You don’t need to burn out from your blurry boundaries. Book a FREE 15 minute call  and let’s tackle this together. .