Cultural Competency in Coaching

Dear friend, the majority of my coaching clients are women, nonbinary folks and/or people of color. Many are immigrants, some identify as queer and a good number are the first in their family to graduate from college or break into white collar industries. Although our stories may not be 100% replicas, our experiences feel parallel and relatable. We cut to the chase much faster, with neither side having to overexplain their positionality vs. breaking down whatever topic they want to discuss in our coaching session.

As defined by the Urban Institute, "Positionality is the reflective process of understanding our own social position and identity relative to others and the work we engage in (for example, research, technical assistance, and nonprofit programs). Social constructions like gender, race, and class, and the way these all intersect with each other, determine individuals’ social positions, which significantly shape our experiences, power, privileges, and even expertise. All of these factors, in turn, shape the thinking, approach, and process of our work in overt and subtle ways." (Special shout out to Susan Liao 🌱🌈 🐶 , who introduced this concept to me many moons ago).

I am not writing this post because I think I have the magical answer for becoming more culturally competent. I am writing to encourage you to think about whether you are in spaces that feel culturally competent and whether you are fostering relationships that sharpen your cultural competency and awareness.

I am begging the question partly because I have often heard the refrain, "You are the first Asian coach and person of color I've worked with who's understood my unique journey in Corporate America," or a version of "I'm glad I can talk about my immigrant experience here, on top of working with you on my leadership development and technical skills. You get it and you see it--all of it, and all of me."

I enjoy making my coaching sessions a safe space for my clients to go to--a place where they can rest and be honest about the big and small things they are carrying. They don't have to hide or dilute how their intersectional identities may be connected to their challenges, whether they are coming for life or career coaching. We talk about common themes such as:

• What happens when you intentionally move to a company that seems diverse and inclusive from the outside but repeats the same old toxic patterns you've encountered elsewhere?
• How do you advocate for yourself when you already feel like the odd duck?--or like you have to apologize for trying to take up more space?
• How do you assert your confidence and expertise without rubbing people the wrong way?
• How do you deal with the loneliness of feeling alienated, rejected and/or Othered because of your intersectional identities?

In my sessions, I don't project my assumptions onto my clients. We talk about our similarities and differences, and I push them to split hairs so that we can pay attention to their unique circumstances. "We're not here to gloss things over or to pretend that our identities need to be sanitized or assimilated to comfort other people... what's really going on? What do you want to focus on?"

I know that the real work takes place outside of my coaching. All of us have to live elbow-to-elbow with folks who are willing to do antiracism work, and with folks who do not value antiracism and abolitionism. We will inevitably run into discriminatory folks who may have zero patience or empathy for understanding why and how positionality and identity politics cannot and should not be ignored.

While coaching cannot unsnarl every thread of hate in our world, it can serve as part of a larger social safety net. The same goes for affinity groups and community spaces.

If you feel lost on your journey because you feel shunned, shamed, or pushed out due to your positionality, I want to remind you that you are not alone. Look for culturally competent resources, allies and community members who can support you. If you don't know where to start, you can join my Room for Us Slack community.

If you feel like you want to unpack your experience in a healing or coaching capacity, you can also reach out for a Discovery call . Everyone's experience is nuanced; therefore, I will not write a catch-all list of recommendations. I will simply say: I am here, and I care. And again, you are not alone.

Warmly,

Phim