Equity, Equality and the Price of Freedom

What would you do if your words inflicted pain on another person? What would you do if you witnessed someone else inflicting pain on another person?

This morning I attended a meeting called Reflections on Equity hosted by Leadership Charlotte for alumni who attended a two day program called Racial Equity offered by Race Matters for Juvenile Justice (RMJJ). The two day program is different than most programs aimed dismantling racism and sexism. It's primary focus is to answer the question "How did we get here and how difficult it will be to dismantle racism in America".

The point of today's meeting was to identify our personal "edges of growth" and how our own behavior impacts others.

On the drive back home I began doing a bit of reflection... (or maybe it was a lot of reflection). I am thankful to the racially diverse participants for showing me where my edges were. You see during the meeting, there were comments and questions posed to move the work forward but worded in a way that caused pain to other members.

When it happened I remained silent. I was frozen in my own thoughts that questioned my perspective.

• Did I hear that right?
• What should I do or say?
• How can I be helpful and is it my place to say or do anything since I'm not the leader
• Maybe if I wait someone else will speak up.

As I sat there participating in the many discussion threads, in the back of my mind I was dealing with my own shame, fear, anger and judgement. Why didn't I say something? What should I say?

Then I started thinking we need to apologize and acknowledge the pain first before deciding on a course of action. All the while I was unconscious about that energy and drive to find a way to respect both opinions but not the behavior was overtaking me.

So when I finally spoke ...

My energy and passion was erratic resulted in me acting in a rude and disrespectful way. After the meeting, the facilitator pulled me aside and offered a bit of tough feedback.

MANY years ago, I had an opportunity to meet Bishop Desmond Tutu. At the meeting he talked about Nelson #Mandala and how they saw American ideals of democracy as a "bright shining light where many truths stand together to create one nation." 

I never forgot that and when Apartheid ended #Mandala spoke these words (or a version of them). 

“The truth is that we are not yet free; we have merely achieved the freedom to be free, the right not to be oppressed. We have not taken the final step of our journey, but the first step on a longer and even more difficult road. For to be free is not merely to cast off one's chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others. The true test of our devotion to freedom is just beginning.”

As I reflected on the drive home I realized my blindspot. Until moving to Charlotte, I never wanted to be part of the "diversity" training initiatives. I didn't know how to deal with my anger over the injustices proffered by individuals and a system designed to marginalize, oppress and minimize my being Black and a woman. So I put those emotions in a box and worked hard to avoid unpacking them not realizing emotions can't be contained.

We can only do better when we are aware of our emotional state and practice conversational skills that creates shared understanding and collaboration. Coming from a mindset of denial, blindness, hurt, anger, fear of loss, fear of unworthiness, or head down keep pounding mentality causes us to unintentionally disrespect, disempower and silence us.

I've learned respect is believing everyone's has good intentions and their behavior may miss the mark. Even when someone's intention is bad, if I focus on their behavior I can find a solution that works for both of us.

As my grandmother use to say... don't be mad when a bear acts like a bear. Understand and respect the nature of a bear then you won't be harmed when it's mad or hungry.

When another's voice is silenced or diminished then my voice is also silenced and diminished. And I now see hurtful words trigger me emotionally causes me to be less than my best and diminish my freedom. 

Freedom has responsibilities. One of them is showing up in a way that respects and enhances others while loving my journey, speaking my truth, living my life on my terms.  Today I was reminded I am still a work in progress and it is darn hard to turn insight into productive action.