Father's Day 2017

My father would now be 98 years old had he not passed away in 1998. He was a fine guy who had a really good life. 

His life included many wonderful aspects. These included growing up with his six siblings in a hardworking, close, and loving family, a happy marriage, four healthy, successful children, a successful business career, and a rewarding retirement period spent travelling with his wife.

His life also included many painful aspects. These included losing his father at age 14, painful deaths of various relatives through the years, and some serious health challenges in adulthood. Although he had his personality quirks, he was almost always pleasant to everyone. He was widely respected and beloved by relatives and friends.

My father was not perfect. But parents need not be perfect. In fact, no one has perfect parents, and no one has a perfect childhood. No matter how loving, fair, healthy, and attentive your parents were, there were certainly life skills that come in handy but that your particular parents somehow failed to provide you.

If you were taught self-reliance, were you also taught generosity and sharing? If you were taught compassion, were you also taught self-respect and the ability to say no? If you were taught assertiveness, were you also taught how to observe and listen? If you were taught gratitude, were you also taught ambition? If you were taught forgiveness, were you also taught how to confront an offender?

Luckily, a child with “good enough” parenting generally turns out fine. I feel am one of these. I hope you are, too. If you are lucky enough to still have a living father, be sure you thank him properly this Father’s Day.

For anyone whose father is or was not so pleasant, I am very happy to make two important announcements. 

First, my book, Loving Hard-to-Love Parents: A Handbook for Adult Children of Difficult Older Parents, is very close to publication! It contains all of the wisdom I have gleaned from working with hundreds of such families, presented as ten concepts to empower your mind, ten insights to comfort your heart, and ten skills to guide your actions. Learn more about the book here.

Second, our free, monthly support group for adult children of difficult older parents (CODOPs) has a home! They will take place at 6:30 p.m., on the fourth Tuesday of each month at Unity Church of Dallas, 6525 Forest Lane, Dallas, TX 75230. Please join us on Tuesday, June 27 at 6:30. RSVP is requested here.