Getting paid to Dad (again)

Well here we go again, or here we’ve just been again. In 2017, I wrote about my parental leave experience looking after our then one child and the positives for the employer, employee and family. I’ve just completed parental leave for the second time. 

I didn’t go in naive to the challenges this time around but when you throw in a toddler, a wife starting a new job and COVID-19 lockdowns the game had certainly changed. More difficult, yes, but so much more to learn. And learn I did.

Late last year I had a conversation with my team leader (line manager) about taking PwCs paid parental leave again for our second child. This time I wanted to take it more flexibly (as per policy updates allowed), working part time (3 days/week) for 3 months and then taking the remaining 10 weeks off in a block. I had good reason for how this best supported my wife and family but didn’t need to go into it. The immediate response (with a smile) was, “Absolutely Jack, you do what is best for you and your family and we will make it work”. 

Let that response sink in for a second.

Pretty bloody awesome, I think. Any feelings of nervousness, anxiety or guilt eliminated in a split second with the knowledge that you are fully supported by the firm and empowered to focus all your energy and attention on your family. Just magic. 

Lesson number 1: A supportive boss/employer is a necessity for working parents.

Then it begins. Managing the juggle of parenting, part-time working and general living (I classify living as everything from staying healthy, hobbies and socialising - if you can still find the time!).

Looking back, parental leave the first time around (whilst it didn’t always feel like it) was a walk in the park. 1 kid, 2 sleeps a day… that’s a lot of ‘me’ time. You throw a toddler into that mix and ‘me’ time is a thing of the past.

Then there’s the witching hour, which is false advertising by the way... witching hours, more like it... 3 minimum. It doesn’t matter how well the day has gone up until 4pm, because from that point you basically strap yourself in for the ride until bedtime. 

It didn’t take me long to understand why when I was at work my wife would text or call me every day at literally 4.01pm, “what time will you be home?” 

Fortunately for me, unfortunately for my wife, COVID-19 has meant she has had to work from home the entire time since starting her new role, so if I just so happen to lose track of our toddler just after 4 o’clock and he happens to walk into her home office, whoops, my bad… “But now that you’re distracted, want to give us a hand until we get them to bed?” 

I honestly don’t know how single parents do it. Parenting is hard, so when you have the luxury of two of you, it MUST be a team effort.

My wife (like so many other mums) is an absolute superstar with everything she does for the kids. By taking more of the load off her over this period it has been a real eye opener into how much there is to do. It’s a full-time job on top of your ‘job’. I’m also the first to admit that I could still be doing more!

Lesson number 2: Being a parent at times is hard, really hard. You have to share the load.

Over the past few months, I’ve been referred to on numerous occasions as the ‘world’s best dad’ for simply being at the park with my kids on a weekday or because I’ve been seen multiple times doing daycare drop offs and pickups. Whilst it certainly doesn’t damage the ego, it does show that the bar for being the world’s best Dad is set extremely low.

I’m reasonably confident that no mum has ever been referred to as the ‘world’s best mum’ for either of these activities. Why in the year 2020 are the expectations of Dad’s still so low?

I would imagine that a lot of Dads have had a rude awakening over the past few months during COVID-19. Forced to work at home and experience firsthand the juggle of kids, meltdowns and the madness that comes with it, whilst there’s been no office to ‘escape’ to.

It’s awesome to hear how companies are responding to the challenges of COVID-19 with respect to working parents. My wife’s company for example has imposed a block on any meetings before 9:30am to allow working parents a buffer to get their kids set up for home- schooling each day.

I support gender equality and everything society is doing to help more females (and for the sake of this argument, specifically mums) to achieve their career aspirations. I have now returned to work, with both my wife and I working 4 days/week, each having one day with the kids. If I were to go back to full time, it would’ve forced her down to 3 days and consequently impacted her ability to take on the managerial role she has now been loving (and totally dominating!) for the past couple of months, helping her to get back on track quicker to achieving her pre-kids career goals.

It might sound counterintuitive however my assessment is that to give women greater support and access to equal opportunities, employers need to give men greater support and allow them to be Dads.

Why is it the Mums problem to leave work and pick up a sick child? Why is it common that Mums work part-time and rare that Dads do? Why are most day-care / school pickups done by Mums?

For many it might be the right decision, but it shouldn’t be the automatic assumption.

I’ve had conversations with multiple other Dads that aren’t comfortable asking their employer to reduce them to part time or feel it’s just easier for women to get out of work to support the kids.

More organisations need to accommodate part time working Dads and acknowledge the important role they play at home.

Lesson number 3: Support the Dad, to support the Mum!

It is by no means lost on me as to how lucky I am to work for a progressive company like PwC that promotes flexible working arrangements, has support structures in place for working parents and has leadership buy-in. Others are not so lucky.

Let’s just hope this way of thinking becomes the norm.

That way everybody wins.

So, as we enter stage 4 lockdown in Melbourne (where the kids can no longer go to daycare and my wife and I continue to work from home), it won’t just be my wife with a child on her lap during zoom calls.

I thank you in advance for your understanding and support.

And so does my wife.