How big is your brave?

We all know in theory that life is full of impermanence. And yet when we face changes in our own lives, big and small, we seem to forget this fundamental truth. We resist change and feel safer when we stick with all that is familiar, sometimes even when a situation is not good for us. So why do we fight change and what are we losing by clinging so tightly to our comfort zones? How can we learn to stretch ourselves, remain open to new things and build resilience to deal with change? Here are a few ideas...

Preview The Gist podcast by clicking the play button below or listen to full episodes at: Spotify, Apple iTunes or Google Podcasts

Make deliberate changes: When author and speaker Joshua Becker was cleaning out his garage one day, he had an epiphany. He realized that he and is wife were spending too much time managing their material belongings and maintaining their large home. This was time that they would rather spend with each other and their children, or engaging in activities that felt more nourishing and meaningful. This realization was the first step on their path towards living a simpler, minimalist life. This kind of major lifestyle shift is not without its challenges, but well worth the effort longer term. At becominingminimalist.com Becker outlines some of the hurdles and the tremendous benefits of letting go of the majority of their belongings, downsizing and changing their purchasing habits to be more thoughtful and intentional.  This is just one example of a making a conscious change in our lives. Each of us will have different areas of life that are holding us back. It is constructive to examine what we can do about them and to recognize our own agency to make changes on purpose.

Examine your comfort zones: Becker also points out a wonderful saying by American businessman and philosopher John G. Shedd. He said that 'Ships are safe in harbour, but that's not what ships were built for'. Each of us have our harbours, our comfort zones, but it is rare that big growth comes when we stick with safe and familiar things. It is most often the challenges we don't want to face, the things we think we can't handle, that lead to the greatest personal development. It is a matter of deciding how far we are willing to step outside those comfort zones. Of asking ourselves, as singer Sara Bareilles asks in her beautiful song Brave, 'how big is your brave'? Her song has become an anthem for busting out of the cages we all put around ourselves, often cages of our own making. Sometimes we are not even aware of how fixed we have become in our ways of thinking and being, or how reluctant we are to try new things.

Challenge your excuses: The prolific writer and clinical psychologist Dr. Wayne Dyer, spent his career encouraging people to live life mindfully. In his book Excuses Begone!: How to Change Lifelong, Self-Defeating Thinking Habits the late author talks about how we carry around so many negative thought patterns that limit us from embracing change. These may be ideas we have absorbed from our families, friends or society. Or they may be ideas we have developed about ourselves that shape our ability to change. Sadly, these ideas stunt our potential and keep us trapped in jobs, relationships or habits that don't serve anyone well. Dyer talks about how excuses can range from 'It's too hard' to 'I don't have time' to 'I am not good enough'. Now this is not an endorsement for unrealistic positive thinking where anyone can achieve anything if they simply put their minds to it. Certainly there are genuine limitations and hurdles in life that may not allow us to reach certain goals. But that doesn't mean that we should be afraid to believe in our own potential, that we should fear the possibility of success, and not even try in the first place.

Build resilience to change slowly: Major life changes or eradicating long held beliefs are big undertakings and can take time. They can almost seem too big to tackle all at once. So it is helpful to start small. If one of your goals is to simplify life, start by decluttering one drawer. If you want to change your diet, start by adding an apple a day to your meals. If you have always wanted to be a writer, start by creating 15 minutes in your day to jot down thoughts in a journal. Breaking down big changes into very small steps can make them more manageable. Even if we are scared, sometimes action needs to come first, to condition our brains and develop our confidence that we can actually do hard things. By starting small, we build trust in ourselves, sending our brains the message that we can take on bigger changes. Act first, and the brain will follow, by creating a confidence feedback loop that can help us thrive in the long run.

Each of our lives is made of up of periods of stability and periods of change. Both are good and necessary. Constant change, uncertainty or disruption can be hard and doesn't help us thrive. But equally, too much comfort and stability can lead to stagnation which also doesn't allow us to flourish. So it is always helpful to look within at our internal landscape and without at our external lives, to see what changes we need to make, at least those that are within our control. And in so doing, we can become better at handling all the many changes that we cannot anticipate, that life seems to present at a fairly regular clip. 

So it's good for all of us to stop and ask ourselves how big our brave is and what we are prepared to do to make changes we have longed to make but might be afraid to. And in so doing examine our own potential to grow. As the poet Rumi said ' when you let go of who you are, you become who you might be'.