How to find calm in a stormy day

They say a change is as good as a rest, so today I’m writing not at my desk but at my kitchen table, I have a hot cup of lemon and ginger tea and the smell keeps wafting under my nose, like a reminder to drink it whilst it’s hot!

Today is different from yesterday, the sky is grey and somewhat miserable and the pretty snow from yesterday has completely melted, although my three pigeon friends that visit me every day seem quite pleased about that. Peter, my dog, is desperately trying to jump up to sit behind me, but there simply isn’t room for him. Today is no different to any other day, there are no coffee dates, no different places to visit or work, the most exciting thing is a different window to look out of, maybe a zoom meeting or a new box set later on tonight!

What I find fascinating though, is how although the days are largely the same, how different my experience can be of them.

Today, I’m finding today that I feeling hopeful, more positive, I’m excited to get going on my to do list, looking forward to having my lunchtime walk, enjoying the ideas I’m having for lunch (even though I may not actually do them!), the pigeons have made me smile with their dancing around on my lawn waiting to be fed, the day feels good and I’m happy to allow it to unfold.

But not every day or moment is like that, I find that sometimes I don’t see my world like that, I find it looks grey and flat. I find myself uninspired and lacking energy or my to do list looks too much and a little overwhelming. I find that I am fed up with everything that is happening, that the little things that did bring me joy or happiness just don’t. I find I just want feeling like this to be over so I can start again.

I used to dwell on those times, wonder why they happened and how I could prevent them. I would get frustrated that they did happen, because in my mind they were such a waste of time, life was so precious, I wanted to see my life always in a positive way so that I could enjoy it to the fullest. So when I did feel like this I would fight it and try to change it, I would beat myself up for feeling this way or feel guilty at the wasted time.

I then had the insight that by doing this I was innocently making those moments last even longer, I was focusing on them, giving them more life, and then creating frustration, self-criticism and guilty thinking on top of all of it, which only made them worse! I knew that as humans our experience was meant to change, that there was nothing wrong with feeling flat or overwhelmed, and I had noticed that this often coincided with me feeling tired or when I’d not had a break – so why was I taking it so seriously? I knew that in those moments I simply wasn’t looking at life straight, that what I was thinking and feeling were simply telling me that, what I was thinking and feeling and not about how my life was in that moment!

Almost immediately I found I had more compassion for myself during those times, I knew that they would pass and I would soon go back to feeling my natural self. The less attention I paid to those thoughts and feelings, the more I found that they began to pass quicker, were less intense, and I began to see them more as life’s natural way of slowing me down, so that I could catch up and recharge, which was often the one thing that I needed most. After all, we’re not meant to be going at 100mph all of the time!

With love, Andrea x

Andrea Morrison is a Transformational Coach, Tedx Speaker, Writer and Columnist for The Yorkshire Post. Find out more about her forthcoming events and programmes on her website: www.andreamorrison.co.uk