How to Be More Confident and Attract True Love

When my clients first come to a coaching session, one of the goals I hear often is, "I want to be more confident". What they are really saying is: "Confidence is attractive and I want to be more attractive to a potential partner." We all know confidence is attractive. We pay attention to those people who are cool, collected, and smiling. Yet, most of us have those negative voices in our head, or gremlins, that are telling us negative messages like the "I’m nots" You might be saying to yourself, "I’m not thin enough", "I’m not young", "I’m not tall", "I’m not pretty", "I don’t photograph well", "I’m not rich", "I’m not very accomplished" and so on!" Do you recognize any of those gremlins? None of those traits really matter to potential partners if you can master confidence, which is ultimately more attractive to others. The key is to manage your negative gremlins. They exist in every one of us. However, getting around them is what matters. First, you need to recognize them. Acknowledge that you have these insecurities.

Then ask yourself, "Is this really true?" And next ask yourself, "Do I really want to listen to their nonsense?" What most people value is not all those superficial things, but how you show up for them. Also, people notice how you treat them and how special they feel when you’re around them. Yes, there are always superficial women who say, "I want to meet someone who is 6 feet tall". Those women aren’t the type to appreciate a heart-centered man like you regardless of height. And yes, there are men who say, "I want to meet a woman who is at least 10 years younger than me". Those men aren’t the kind of men who are looking for an equal life partner and would appreciate a worldly and experienced woman like you. Consider yourself lucky to avoid these kinds of superficial people.

So how do you focus on becoming more confident and therefore, more attractive in the eyes of others?

You focus on what you do have to offer to a relationship. How you give to others, your talents, your interests, your energy, and your heart. We all know people who aren’t that attractive at first glance. And yet, as we get to know them, we find them more attractive, especially if they have confidence. What’s the secret to having confidence, thus being more attractive? It’s being secure in who you are and not letting others impact you. It’s being okay if you have different views or perspectives. It’s about knowing what is right for you, being steadfast in your beliefs, etc. Feeling good about who you are is confidence. Being a caring person is attractive. Being cocky or arrogant is not attractive. So there’s a fine line. Respecting others and their points of view, while holding tight to what’s important to you will develop confidence, which is attractive. However, being a "my way or the highway" kind of person is off-putting to most people.

What’s an example of how confidence is attractive?

One of my 50-something male clients (divorced with grown kids)  knew that a woman he was interested in was the right one for him. She was going through a difficult time with her high school kids and other aspects of her life. She kept pushing him away and yet, they stayed in touch. They saw each other occasionally and he was always very kind to her. He just knew that he would marry her someday. And he expressed the desire to do so. Yet, he respected her boundaries when she needed him to back away. His quiet confidence was attractive to this woman and now, after several years, they are together and planning their future. (Timing often has a lot to do with finding the one! ) After my client Karen’s breakup with her boyfriend of 2 years, who finally admitted he had no intention of getting married made the decision to move on. Instead of wilting away, she empowered herself to want a better partner for herself. Her girlfriends encouraged her to get a new hairdo and buy herself a new dress or two. This newfound confidence did not go unnoticed by a gentleman who worked at her company (they did not work together, however they did see one another at lunchtime). He finally got the nerve to ask her out. He was everything she was looking for and they are now married. Confidence is not something you are born with. It’s something you develop by living your life. And we’ve all heard the expression, "Fake it until you make it"- I’m not suggesting that. But there is something about practicing confidence to help you become more comfortable with it.

What can you do to build your confidence so you can be the most attractive self? There is the outer stuff to build confidence to feel more attractive:

·         Looking your best. Grooming, getting a new hairstyle, wearing makeup for women, dressing well, and maintaining a healthy, attractive weight.

·         Participating in interesting activities and being able to share your interest in these activities with others

·         Getting involved and giving back to your community

Then there is the inner stuff that will build confidence and make you more attractive:

·         Knowing who you are, what you want, and what’s important to you.

·         Having several common, interesting topics to discuss with others

·         Being an interesting person and showing interest in others, as well.

·         Learning about relationships and how to develop a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.

·         Being laid back and having a sense of humor, especially the ability to laugh at yourself!

  By mastering these skills, and applying the know-how, your confidence will grow, and so will your attractiveness to others. If you can use some help in developing your confidence so you can level up your attractiveness, then let’s talk. I have coaching tools and strategies to show you how to easily be more confident in your dating so you can attract your desired partner. Fill out my form at www.talkwithcoachamy.com and let’s talk! Your caring coach, Amy P.S.  Now is a great time to get ready for love for the fall dating opportunities.  Don't miss this window where seriously searching singles are looking for life partners and eventually someone to marry.