How My Clash Middle Distance & Ironman® 140.6 Journey Transformed My Life Forever

The world had come to a standstill in 2020 due to COVID-19 pandemic. And like everyone else trying to keep their sanity, combined with a serious shock of not being able to continuously run beyond 10 mins without feeling like I am about to pass out. Those two events are what ignited my journey for finding peace of myself and redefine what are my life priorities.

Resisting the temptation to stay with what was familiar, I reflected on my triathlon journey, which had its humble beginning in February 2020. Maybe I had forgotten about it. Maybe I buried the memory. Either way, it was time to bring the memory to the surface, as lessons had not yet been learned. Back then, I was competing solely for external validation, I decided to start off with cycling that I have never practiced before in my life, mostly to avoid the high impact nature of running, its high risk of injury and relapsing again.

In March 2020, I just got up and I started to run. Swim Story Starting in September 2020 & how people were like why don’t you just add swim and go for triathlon races.

I knew the time had come to stop making excuses for where I was in life and for my failures. I needed to own up to every single reason that I had failed to align my expectations with my actions, my ‘brand’ with my true achievements. I knew that I was responsible for where I ended up. I had to release the pain and the suffering to move forward. But, I had to locate the pain first in order for the healing to begin.

When I’d get home I’d look up videos for inspiration of people completing the Iron Man. I fantasized about what crossing that finish line would be like. After days of looking for the motivation on YouTube, I finally decided to take the risk of action. The next days I’d go for a swim, or fumble around on the bike for hours. Until one day, I just said to myself, “There’s no way around this anymore, you need to do a triathlon and the first pick was a Middle Distance Triathlon aka Triathlon 70.3 miles. Train properly. Don’t cheat the process. Don’t curate the outcome before you hit the starting line.” As I trained for my first triathlon, I don’t think there’s any way I would have been able to prepare for how it would completely change my life. Every facet of it opening up new insights into myself, and each serving as the perfect metaphor for the necessary change and growth that is to be my newest chapter of my life.

Swim “Starting October 2020”

            Meditation in motion.

The swim, I felt, would always be my weakest part. I felt that after watching a few videos on YouTube about proper technique, I could figure it out.

The first 100 yards, no problem. 500 yards? Starting to get a bit questionable. The 70.3 length? 2,112 yards (1.2 mi) and in less than 2 months to race day in December 2020. How the hell was I going to do that? That is when I decided to turn to the professionals and hire coaches. I knew I couldn’t do this one alone so I reached out to Coaches Dom & Helen to discuss endurance training (ET) Personal Coaching and within a week I started as an ET coached athlete. 

Each conditioning session I got into the pool; it was like I was in there to solve a problem. My brain would go into a state of relaxed work. Problem solving time without the mental effort that we have when we’re caught in a directionless rut. But the pool soon felt too comfortable. After all, the competition was an open water ocean swim. No safety net to touch the floor or feel comfortable. Just me and the artificial lake.

Living near a Pensacola beach, I put on my wetsuit, swim cap, and goggles and hopped in. Freezing. I tried to swim at the same pace as the pool, but was hard pressed to move at all. I swam harder trying to go faster. Fighting desperately to get to the next buoy, while feeling like I had never swam before in my life.

If you try to fight nature, nature will fight you. And you will lose.

As I looked down in the murky water, I saw only my hand in front of me. A reflection of what my life had felt like for so long. Trying so hard, feeling like I was drowning, in a world so murky around me, no gateway to be found. Flailing desperately to hold onto something. Trying to fight against everything that I needed to be.

For life to be different, I had to stop fighting it. Yes, the world would be murky, but if I listened to what was my true nature, and stopped worrying about how the world viewed me, I’d still be able to swim. That’s when I found myself very suddenly at the next buoy. Then the next and the next and the next. When I stopped resisting nature, and I became one with it, I found myself exactly where I wanted to be.

Bike “Starting February 2020”

I didn’t have much experience biking before my first triathlon as I never biked before in my life.. So, I went out with other group of cyclists every other weekend for 42 miles ride. Pedaling harder and harder at each interval. Trying to replicate what I thought I would need for the 56 mile bike ride. But it never felt enough – because I was trying to cheat the development that would come with actual bike rides.

I bought a proper Time Trial bike. It’s a bright black 2021 Cervelo Bicycle. The moment I hopped on it, it felt like me. It spoke to my sensibilities. It was loud, no frills, and all function. A perfect representation of what I needed and wanted to be. What I felt I was missing.

My first test ride on some hills and I was SUFFERING. I had trained so hard on the long steady rides that I thought I’d be somewhat acclimated to the hills. Not a chance. These were real hills, It was brutal. I was at a complete loss. With only a few weeks ahead of me, I felt nowhere prepared. I pushed and I pushed and I pushed, only to take baby steps forward.

That’s when I figured out that my bike had gears. Yes, idiotic I know. When I’m tunnel visioned, I only see one solution. I had to learn this lesson. Sometimes to climb a hill, you must switch gears. Go into lower gear to climb and a higher gear to slow down and keep my bike and energy under control that I needed to finish. All of it, a perfect mirror of the balance that I knew I had to live to find true transformation in the process of achieving a goal my heart desires. I can scratch and climb my way to the top, feeling exhausted and internally defeated when I get there, or I can learn to switch gears for the steady climb, feeling even more energized when I reach the peak, ready for the next one.

 Run “Starting March 2020”

Being the most favorite leg of the three, I have always admired long distance running.

The 70.3 triathlon run length is 13.1 miles. Much farther than I was adequately prepared to run. I have lived my life by the credo, “If it scares you, that’s probably what you should do.” And so, I did. I owned that it made me uncomfortable because I wasn’t good at it. And being not good at a physical activity was not something I was prepared for. I had a shell I had to maintain and couldn’t run the risk of being wrong. I based my life on this shell of perfection and this activity would expose a big part of my fragile persona.

At first, I started the runs with headphones, to encourage myself with the support of auditory pleasure.

One day, it dawned on me, “What if running is not about experiencing pain, but exploring its roots?” I started my run and within minutes I was celebrating wildly one moment, tears down my face the next, as I released years of self-inflicted pain with each step I took. No longer paying attention to what could have been, just to what was in that present moment. If I was someone looking at me running — a guy with his headphones both yelling at the top of his lungs one moment and crying the next, I must have looked absolutely batshit crazy. It was the cathartic release that I found over the first month.

I remember telling my coaches that I want to kickoff with a Middle Distance Triathlon (70.3 miles) and I want to accomplish for that year. They didn’t say anything, but they must have thought I was crazy. They did a great job navigating me through the obstacle course of races month after month and adjusting when needed. 

As the runs got longer, and more intense, week after week, my mind started to shift. I was no longer on emotional highs and lows. I found a sense of peace. With each breath, each step, I was getting closer to who I wanted to be. All I had to do was put one foot in front of the other and focus on the work. The work of running and the work internally. I lost the headphones again and suddenly, there wasn’t any pain. Just a focus on the present moment. Giving everything I had to it. Presence would be my answer. Engaging with the world around me, knowing that no matter how much I felt that I failed, no matter how tired I was or how defeated I felt, all I needed to do was take one step forward. One foot in front of the other. Leaving my past behind me, while allowing it to help push me forward. It would no longer imprison me. It would free me to run where I chose.

Daytona 2020

Challenge Daytona triathlon was a 1.2 mile swim, a 56 mile bike ride, and a 13.1 mile run. But, I had to find a way to be. My life was calling me and it was at that starting line.

That’s when it hit me. All of this training. All of this work. All of this slow paced endurance work was the thing I was most afraid of — consistent effort with no assurance of result, just the confidence that I was ready for a challenge. That’s when I really started to understand what confidence was. What really loving me for me, not some fantasized version of myself meant. There would never be any reward, nothing I could do that would bring me the overwhelming gratification I would feel from finding that confidence. That sense of knowing that I’ve prepared and that no matter what, I deserved my chance to be at a new starting line for any part of my life because I always showed up.

Not once have I missed a workout or shorted it. I may have missed a day, but I catch up with a two-a-day. Never really feeling that much pain with those days because I felt like I owed it to myself, as a gift of love. This journey was for me. This journey was about giving to myself the love, total accountability, and sense of self that I always needed. Finally, I was ready for it.

I raced through that triathlon. Earlier than some later than others. I finished the swim, bike, and run in all my fastest times ever. I had an enormous smile on my face throughout the race. When I crossed the finish line, I felt this immense sense of pride that I had never felt before. One of knowing that I had finally taken ownership over my life and that I had found a new sense of appreciation for myself. I knew for the first time in my life there was nothing that could take that feeling of knowing who I am away from me. I had earned it and I was going to keep earning it every day of my life.

Ironman 2021

I soon started making goals and planned on getting my first Ironman race in 2021, however due to the cheer amount of cancelled ironman races in 2020, everyone that was signed up in 2020 got deferred to 2021. Luckily, a once in a lifetime Ironman event was created in Indiana and that became my “A” race.

I did the ET Summer Camp in Pensacola with the group including my coaches, which turned out to be a big confidence booster. I was now ready for the big race.

The only thing I was a bit nervous about was the swim, which turned out to be the easiest of the three. It’s kind of weird, it was a long day but it went by so quick. The things I remember most that day were my friends and family being there to cheer me on. The volunteers were unbelievably awesome; they actually helped take my shoes and socks off after the bike and dress for the run.

I had a great time overall. Thanks to my family, ET Coaches, and all my coaches for a great year of racing!

And yes, there were Insta-worthy photos in spades. My favorite one? Crossing happily and strongly the finish line. A participation medal waiting for me just beyond the line. It is the greatest trophy I’ve ever received.

So how do I out do myself next year……

What 2020 Has Taught Me About Life and Work Balance

·        Make self-care a priority, not a privilege, Looking after your own mental health has to come first. To propel your career and support your friends and family around you in their time of need, you need to be working from a strong base. Putting yourself as number one in your life, taking space when you need it and saying “no” needs to be the priority.

·        Be you, unapologetically, there’s no time like right now to just be yourself. When they say you can become whatever you want it is true. Your only limit is you. You can be anything and you can change course at age 30, 40, 50, 60, 70. Age is just a number! You and only you can bring yourself that peace of mind and self-worthiness and it will never be given to you from anyone else.

·        Take that leap of faith, don’t waste your life waiting for the right time. The right time to put yourself first, change jobs, buy that house, start a new hobby or plan a trip with your friends will never arrive with thoughts alone.

·        There is always a silver lining, In the heat of the moment it can be hard to spot, but there is almost always a silver lining of opportunity. 

·        Slow down, Breathe in. Breathe out. This year showed us just how much time we can have. Being shut indoors for weeks or months at a time required creativity 

·        Find happiness in simple things, you need darkness in order for there to be light, and so having everything shut, cancelled and taken away from us has resparked the joy of small, happy moments.

·        Follow your passions first, Do the things that light a fire in your heart. The year 2020 taught us that life doesn’t wait for anyone, so why waste your precious hours doing something you don’t feel passionate about?

·        Never Stop Learning!