I held myself accountable, and changed my life.

I’m sure you’ve heard the old: “take control of your life today” line. What the heck does that mean? Can you really ever be in control of your own life? You actually can, and it all starts with being accountable for your own actions. The only thing that will get in your way is excuses and bad habits.

Regardless of the aspect of life we’re talking about, money, diet, exercise, family time, there is always an excuse why you can’t do something. “I can’t afford a car,” “I can’t lose weight,” “I don’t have time to workout...” behind all of these “I can’ts” are excuses. Sure life seems sometimes throws a monkey wrench in your plans, but barring illness or death, generally it’s on you.

I did a brief stint in therapy where I was given arguably the best piece of advice I ever received: “do the next right thing.” However, if you own that error or mistake and move on quickly to the next ‘right thing,’ you’ll be fine and be less likely to make that mistake again. I’m not going to get into the psychology of that, you can Google that or ask a mental health professional. 

My personal story goes back to May of 2017 when I was incredibly happy in a new relationship and learned that my girlfriend was perhaps one of the best cooks / bakers in the world. I went from an already portly 246 to 267 lbs within a short timeframe. A girl like this, for a food addict like me, was bad for my waistline.

I blamed genetics (sure genes play a roll), I blamed my upbringing (my parents may not have instilled the best habits), I blamed work (I worked a lot), I blamed stress (work), I blamed lack of money (work), the funny thing was I didn’t blame myself. I used weight watchers, and stopped using weight watchers. Or I used weight watchers and days I fell off the wagon I didn’t record. My eating went from bad, to better, and back to bad. I started pushing myself, went for a full physical and stepped on the scale at 258. The funny part of this is, during my last physical I weighed 243 where the doctor insisted I lose weight. Needless to say the doctor was not happy with my 15lb gain from the year prior, although I was happy I lost 9 lbs. Should I have even been happy I lost 9lbs? The answer is yes, but I’ll save why for my next article.

Doing the next right thing is important, but perhaps more important is instilling amazing habits. I made exercise a part of my daily routine, just like brushing my teeth. This worked to a large degree. I was able to simply go for a bike ride or exercise or take a nice walk. Eating right was much harder. Food was my comfort, my escape. When my day was hard, I figured I would treat myself to a donut or pizza, I’ll start weight watchers again tomorrow. It’s not just starting a good habit, it’s owning your accountability!

Making yourself accountable for everything that happens to you is really hard. It takes a lot of self reflection, self discipline, and finally you have to come to terms that you really are the only one in control of your life. Again, shit happens and will always happen that is out of your control, but the way you deal with that is solely your responsibility (another nod to CBT). Here is an example, a guy goes through a red light and hits you. Sure the accident may not be entirely your fault, but maybe if you weren’t texting you’d have seen that the other person wasn’t paying attention and you could have avoided the accident. Maybe you sped up a little bit because you saw he was going to make a right on red, and there was no way you were going to let him turn in front of you. Maybe it was 100% their fault, and none of this matters because at the end of the day you got into an accident. You get out of your car, you call the police, call the insurance company, call your significant other, and your boss if you were on your way to work. You don’t worry about anything because you need to take care of this issue at hand, and you notified everyone that needed to be notified. When the dust has settled, and your car is in the shop, you pick up your rental car and carry on. Many people freak out, just show up late to work (the old I was late to work because), whine, cry, carry on, and are on a mission to make the world sympathize with their pain. Those are the people I hope read this, because they are not accountable. These are your woe as me, just my luck, world is against me people. They may not even realize they are, you might be this person. Do you own everything that happens to you or do you blame everything else? Now you know what kind of person you are. (Note: if you blame yourself for everything, that’s not good either.)

I sat down one day and realized that a lot of my issues were pointing at work. It wasn’t the job per se, but the 9/10 hours per day I was spending in my car, the bad fast food habits I developed from being on the road all the time. This paired with working some nights and weekends, and lack of work life balance. When this revelation occurred I realized I needed a new job. It was on me to do this. No one owed me a job, and I couldn’t quit because I still had responsibilities and bills to pay. I’d leave the house, go to work for 9/10 hours, drive home, go to the gym and then apply to at least 5 jobs a day. After several months of applying to jobs I started getting interviews and soon after, I found an even better paying job with a better work life balance. Holy Crap! It WAS on me to do this, and I was able to take control of this situation!

The gym for me was awful. The monotonous aspect of being on a treadmill or lifting weights didn’t excite me. I could grind through it, or I could find a gym with classes that excite me. I held myself accountable, and found a gym that did provide what I needed to get me excited. I found the UFC gym where in each class, you’re burning hundreds of calories and meeting awesome people. I love being social, I love martial arts, and this was right up my alley. I make sure I work out 4-5 times per week, and even on my rest days I’ll walk, ride my bike or do yoga. Hell, I even learned to love hitting the treadmill or lifting occasionally.

I started recording everything in my weight watchers app. Good, bad, or indifferent. Accountability starts with owning all of your mistakes and life situations, even if they aren’t your fault. There are days I’m “bad,” but it’s on me and I just do the next right thing. I have a grueling work and travel schedule, I even perform gigs occasionally on the weekend. I make the time to see my family and friends. I spend quality time with my significant other. I read on the train, take 15 min to learn guitar nearly every day, and make major strides in cutting down unnecessary expenses and paying off bills. It’s all being accountable for your actions and your schedule.

The quality of life I’ve gained by being accountable is incredible, especially knowing that I am fully in control of my life. If something comes up that is out of my control, I simply deal with it, and move on. There are days it’s not so easy, and days I struggle with keeping a positive mindset, but when you slip you need to remember to...do I really need to say it... do the next right thing.

This past year and a half of learning how to be accountable wraps up as follows: The girl I mentioned early and I are now getting married, and through all these things I am doing, we’ve been able to fit in wedding planning. I moved from Brooklyn to a suburban life in Long Island. I’ve purchased an engagement ring, paid off a solid amount of debt, got all of my finances in order, started a new job, and I still find time to binge watch my favorite TV shows. Where am I at with the weight loss? I’m down 40 lbs from May of 2017. 

Life is simple if you just hold yourself accountable, make diet and exercise part of your daily routine, and if something is bad and or toxic, get it out of your life. Finally, always remember to do the next right thing. If you struggle with this, see a mental health professional. I promise you, the world is not against you, it’s not everyone else’s fault and you can lead a really amazing, controllable life if you own your accountability.