I'm Here by Design

Something strange happened to me at Cannes this year. For the first time in my career, I had imposter syndrome. Really? Yup, really. Why? I was asked by the wonderful Charles Day to be on Fearless Creative Leadership. This podcast has featured some of my work idols-past, present, future. They have all built something that’s their own, something I admire. 

Never felt imposter syndrome I hear you say? Not really. Or not how others describe it anyway. I think it’s because I failed dismally at school and, since then, I have had to fight for every job, every role, every client, and to get a seat in the boardroom… and not be typecast as this Essex gal with a (sometimes) potty mouth, trying to share ideas. Because of this, I’ve had to be thick skinned on the outside and overcome my self-doubt and fears on the inside… from somedays barely being able to get out of bed, pushing too far, fucking up and making mistakes, many times over. Because of this, the journey has always felt real. 

But all these idols who feature on this podcast have built their own business - one thing I haven’t done - and now the No.1 question I get asked about my career. The conversation with Charles gave me space to think about this again. It made me realize that I’m not where I am by chance, I’m here by design. And those reasons are part pragmatic and part personal.  

Firstly, when I was just starting out in the industry, I watched three partners fall out over the business and its growth. Following that, I made a mental note that I didn’t ever want to be in that position. 

Secondly, I’ve met so many amazing people along the way, but never someone who I’ve immediately thought - ‘yes, we’d complement each other in the business sense’ - and combined work towards the same audacious goals together.  

Thirdly, I love working inside something, agency or brand, being mixed up in the business challenge and the creative solution with a team, the politics of how to make it happen and everything in between. To be honest, that’s why I’ve always relished and not sought out being the most senior creative lead. I don’t want to run the business, be in an excel spreadsheet, discussing EBITDA, I want to simply be in the work every day. The amazing creative leaders I’ve been lucky to work for - Todd Simmons at Wolff Olins, Leland Maschmeyer at Chobani and now Tosh Hall at Jones Knowles Ritchie - have all given me the space and support to be me, to do it my way. From curating eclectic teams, to getting to the answer in my own nonlinear way, to most importantly always having my back... even when a team I led got fired from a client, something I don’t want to ever repeat! 

Finally, the personal one. Not one that I’m going to overshare here, but as I embark on something for me personally, I’m learning the myth isn’t true, you can’t have it all. But that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Balance is my new aspiration; I can feel my friends and colleagues laughing hearing this right now. But my goal is to prioritize what’s most important to me and find some semblance of work and personal that will feed off each other.  

So, where do I go from here? I keep doing what I love, with the people and teams that I love… with clients on brands and projects that have big juicy challenges, that I couldn’t get more excited about solving. After all, they say the top of one mountain is just the bottom of the next!

When I was in Cannes Lions International Festival of Creativity listening to Gut founders Anselmo Ramos and Gaston Bigio talk, they proposed the idea that everyone has a word that defines them. I chose the single word that I thought had defined me since day one: Determinist. But my JKR colleagues shot that down. They said my word was Contagious. I hope I can continue to be that for my co-conspirators and clients alike. 

Thanks, Charles, for having me. You got me thinking so much about everything. It’s wonderful to reminisce, but I’m excited for what’s next too.